Life is a mess and no clue what to do

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mphill85

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I haven’t been on this website in a few years or so because of the burden of my life. And in that time I’ve seen my life go spiraling downwards (physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, you name it).

My life has changed so much and I don’t know if it was God’s intention or not. I do not know what he has in store for me nor what we wants me to do (I get upset with people when they say that they’ve heard the word of God or God talks to them because I’ve never heard from him in my entire life as far as I know).

Where am I at right now? Got laid off from the military (honorable discharge but still forced separation). Watching my accounts dry up while I can’t seem to get a job anywhere. Slowly losing my mind to either psychological disorders or something physically wrong with my brain (the VA has been no help there). Watching my girlfriend as she struggles to help me deal with my episodes from time to time. And of course (for reasons I don’t know why) I get stressed out that just start sinning (the prevalent masturbation and pornography addiction) so I’ve been going to confession every Saturday these last two months but my girlfriend and her parents (all Catholics) are getting wary of me going to confession so often. 3-4 days after confession I’m back to being the typical mess that I am. And I have absolutely no prayer life to speak of (there is grace for meals, but that really doesn’t count here).

I carry a cross necklace and I keep telling myself its a reflection of my soul because its dirty and it has scratch marks on it.

I just have no clue what I am supposed to do now with my life. It got turned upside and I haven’t been able to right myself.
 
Have you spoken to the VA counselor about some vocational training?
 
I have an appointment later this month for a follow up. But I have to change stuff because it was set for one school and I ended up getting into another school because the first school hasn’t said anything yet to me.
 
Do you pray the Rosary? This could help… I don’t think going to Confession once a week is too often. Frequent Confession is encouraged and the Saints went often, not just those fighting sins. Nothing wrong with going often! I wouldn’t worry about that, rather just putting effort into fighting sin. Prayer and frequent Sacraments can do a lot, but the grace we receive depends on how well disposed we are, and prayer helps with the right disposition. At first prayer is difficult and we just have to fight through it till it is easier. We need mental prayer too. With sins against purity, its very important to avoid occasions of sin. If something causes temptation we need to get rid of it. Our Lady and St Aloysius Gonzaga have helped me a lot with purity i believe.

God bless you!
 
I’ve done the rosary once recently but after that no. I bought myself a rosary, in depth (descriptive) bible and a book that goes into detail about the New Testament. I get all these items in an attempt to get my life out of the spiritual rut it is in. However it will only get used once or twice before being put to the side and eventually gathers dust.
 
I suggest to start with the Divine Mercy Chaplet. It is shorter than a Rosary (takes about 10-15 minutes when done prayerfully) and you can use the Rosary beads. I would also suggest this little book, Catholic Prayers from TAN books: amazon.com/Catholic-Prayers-Compiled-Traditional-Sources/dp/0895555956/?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1470978978&sr=1-2&keywords=catholic+prayer+book. Really cheap and a great collection of prayers you can add in the morning, night, and throughout the day. Don’t forget the Jesus Prayer throughout the day when you get down.👍

BTW, for a Rosary, just start with 1 decade. Then you can build from there.
 
If you didn’t hear from school, you might need to be persistent.

Have you been screened for PTSD and depression?

God bless you.

We will pray for you.

Some hobbies may help, too.
 
Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.
 
Visit a Catholic church when there is no Mass going on and no one is there except you and Jesus.

And just sit there for “a while”.

An hour.

Don’t bring any reading material.

Just sit there.

Say the following prayer: “help”.

Just sit there.

One day I was really down in the dumps. Went for a walk. Big city. Lots of happy people. Shoppers. I had no money. No job. Getting nowhere fast.

Walked past the cathedral. Decided to go inside.

Tons of tourists talking making noise.

So I went as far down toward the altar so I couldn’t hear them.

But so I could see the tabernacle.

And I just knelt there.

Had no idea what to pray for or about.

Nothing was working.

So, finally I said, There are a lot of things I could pray for, but more than anything I would like for this depression to go away.

And nothing happened.

I was sort of visualizing or wishing for a spotlight from heaven to shine down and for an angelic choir to sing “ahhhh”.

Nope.

Nothing.

So I got up and left the building.

But, when I got near the door, there were all those noisy tourists. The worst. And long lines to get out of the building.

All I could visualize was a cartoon character … Joe Blfsxk … with a black cloud over his head all the time.

So, anyway, the line moved S-L-O-W-L-Y … excruciatingly slowly.

FINALLY, my place in line reached the door.

And it was weird.

The guy in front of me pulled on the door knob. And the door didn’t open.

So, he left his place in line and went for another door that was already open.

So, there I was.

I put both hands on the massive door, turned to the woman in line behind me and said,“If you want to get out, you have to push.”.

I gave the door a shove, and it opened.

And there was this “POP” in my brain.

And instantly the depression went away.

Go figure.
 
mphill85 said:
I’ve done the rosary once recently but after that no. I bought myself a rosary, in depth (descriptive) bible and a book that goes into detail about the New Testament. I get all these items in an attempt to get my life out of the spiritual rut it is in. However it will only get used once or twice before being put to the side and eventually gathers dust.
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With learning to pray and do spiritual reading, its necessary to do a bit each day. We can’t rely on feelings with this but do it regardless of how we feel. Its the only way usually… Feelings may come later. But mostly people need to schedule a regular time each day for these things. Growing spiritually requires effort from us and cooperation with grace, and if a person is stuck in one spot, they need to ignore their feelings for a while and just make choices based on the truth we know as Catholics. This exercise can help to grow in purity too which also requires saying no to feelings.

Over time, things get easier, but the “purgative stage” of the spiritual life requires some of this type of effort. Its not going to feel easy yet, though at some points it may and God might give some encouragement. Yet we must not stop if we don’t get this encouragement, because persevering despite contrary feelings is how a person grows in love for God. Anyone can pray and love God when they feel like it, that doesn’t mean great love. God wants us to be saints someday.

God bless you
 
May you be filled with loving kindness. May you be well. May you be peaceful and at ease. May you be happy.
In my view if we wish to hear god speak to us we have to listen. Still the mind chatter. There is a quote from Blaise Pascal that says it all for me. “All of the troubles of life come upon us because we refuse to sit quietly for a while each day in our rooms.” Take the time each day to be still, breathe, and listen.
Do this before sessions of praying or reading scripture and eventually you just may realize god is always speaking to you.
Lastly if you can manage the finances pick up these to books. One is titled “Take five” the other is titled “Slow down”. Both of these are by the same author-Joseph M. Champlin. He was a catholic priest (has passed on). These two books are beautiful examples of daily meditations in my view. Be well-take care-Blessings to you and yours.
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

For Help in Trials

Most holy apostle St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the traitor who delivered your beloved Master into the hands of His enemies has caused you to be forgotten by many. But the Church honors and invokes you universally as the patron of hopeless cases–of things despaired of. Pray for me who feels so hopeless. Make use, I implore you, of that particular privilege accorded to you of bringing visible and speedy help where help is almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need, that I may receive the consolations and succor of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations and sufferings, in particular mphill85), and that I may bless God with you and all the elect throughout eternity. I promise you, O Blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, and I will never cease to honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to do all in my power to encourage devotion to you. Amen.

†

Prayer for a Miracle

God of all creation, you who spoke a simple command and brought forth light from
the darkness, I ask you now to send forth your miracle-working power to heal (mphill85). You cleansed the lepers, opened the eyes of the blind and by
speaking a simple command, you empowered the crippled to rise up and walk.
You sent forth your life-giving power to all those in need, including those you raised from
the dead. I ask you to send forth your healing power into mphill85’s body and give him the strength to fight his illness. I ask this through my Lord, Jesus Christ, your Son, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen

†
 
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