Little Ones at Mass

[HappyAtHome]

We have 2 kids under 2, and we take both of them with us to Mass. Our 7-month-old is still happy to be held, but we’re struggling to keep our 22-month-old relatively quiet and still. I wrote a blog post in which I go into more detail here: hallelujahismysong.blogspot.com/2012/01/mass-with-2-under-2.html

What have all of you done with little ones to keep them still and quiet at Mass? I wish my husband could stay inside of the church with us so that we can enjoy Mass together, but he misses half of the Mass because he’s running after our daughter in the narthex because she has ants in her pants.

I’ll take any and all advice you can offer! Thank you!

 

[MarkInOregon]

We have 2 kids under 2, and we take both of them with us to Mass. Our 7-month-old is still happy to be held, but we’re struggling to keep our 22-month-old relatively quiet and still. I wrote a blog post in which I go into more detail here: hallelujahismysong.blogspot.com/2012/01/mass-with-2-under-2.html

What have all of you done with little ones to keep them still and quiet at Mass? I wish my husband could stay inside of the church with us so that we can enjoy Mass together, but he misses half of the Mass because he’s running after our daughter in the narthex because she has ants in her pants.

I’ll take any and all advice you can offer! Thank you!

I didn’t let my children run around in the narthex. If we ended up back there we held them. It didn’t take them long to learn that it was better to stay in the pew where they had some freedom. They can’t view the narthex as an area to run around and play or the behavior wion’t change. That’s been my experience. I wish you the best.

Peace,
Mark

 

[Nelka]

Will that happen to me to?

I have two eight month old’s and they are fine but I do see other parents chasing their older toddlers around the church and wonder whether that will be me soon although I do not remember toddlers running around the church 20 years ago.

At my church some people with children of that age sit at the back and there are some children’s books about saints and angels or the Mass itself and the various children seem to mould together into a group.

I am interested in others’ suggestions.

(Should be Prawn Crackers).

 

[Rose71]

At one church where I went to Mass when I was travelling back from an event, they had made an area at the back of the church with a nice, soft carpet, cushions and benches with boxes of religious books and pictures on the wall, so that mums with babies and todlers could sit comfortably and keep the little ones entertained / make a swift exit if necessary but still participate in the Mass.

 

[puzzleannie]

I’ll take any and all advice you can offer! Thank you!

my advice is to do whatever works best with your children and your family, which may change from month to month. 18-30 months is a very difficult age for toddlers to behave anywhere in public, let alone in Church, so if it is easier for a few months to take turns going to Mass at different times, or one of you take him in the back or outside, or to use the nursery of your parish has one, do whatever works. It is only for a relatively short time. By the time he is 3 1/2 or 4 he can start learning to behave, pay attention and even join in some of the prayers and songs, but by kindergarten or first grade at the latest, since that is the beginning of first communion preparation.

Don’t worry about what other families do, work out what is best for you so that the adults can meet their own Mass obligation.

 

[Savior2012]

I once got a very dirty look from a parishioner at mass because of my kids. At that point I decided,don’t take on unneeded pressure, half the members in Church are day dreaming and minds far far away from where they should be.

Do what is best for your kids and enjoy mass.

 

[choose_to_love]

For us, it was sitting up closer to the front, so they could see more of what was happening on the altar. As pointed out upthread, there is only so much that can be done with toddlers of a certain age. Agree that the narthex should not be fun/run around place. Do you have the chance to go to daily mass? Sometimes that helps, as a shorter practice for weekend masses.

We still have one 2 year old who moves around quite a bit, but is generally quiet. The older three, now 7,7, and 4, are really well behaved now, so again, it will not always be like it is now.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

You’re on the right track. Bringing Mass-appropriate things to look at/use, going to a daily Mass for practice in smaller bits (and for worship), sitting up front and taking notice of the bells and whistles, etc… Also, personally, I would set some goals - see if you can hold her off a little longer every few weeks. So if she is used to being good right up to the beginning of the homily for a few weeks, start aiming for making it 1/2 way through. One way to do this is to hold off on giving out the toys at the beginning of Mass. Don’t give them out right away. Wait a little bit, allowing the child to practice good old fashioned patience FIRST, and see how long you can stretch that time out. Other than that, yes, you might be stuck separated from your spouse, with one in the back of the church (until your little one is a little older - then maybe you’ll meet up back there!). As the others said, don’t let a toddler down in the back if you can possibly help it (sometimes you’re outnumbered, or exhausted, but as a rule…). Learn the “death grip” (you know, the hold that never loosens, even when they squirm, and that gets more uncomfortable for both of you the more the squirm), and use it whenever the child is misbehaving.

My kids are pretty good in Mass. I think that my dh has gotten soft on keeping them in line over the years though, and my 2 younger ones are taking a little longer to learn than the 2 older ones did (my dh would disagree with me, but he’s not here to argue, is he?, lol). Our 3yo usually sits with dh, so that I can sit with the 6yo and keep her focused, keep the 3yo away from her, and help her to learn what she should be doing. Well last Sunday, I was the one with the 3yo, and we were at Mass in the evening (you know, the witching hour). The 3yo was not following my directions, and she was being way to disruptive to me and requiring too much correction. So I picked her up in “the death grip,” which became more uncomfortable (for both of us) the more she squirmed to get out of it. Since she hasn’t had a lot of death grips (like I said, dh has gone easier lately), she really struggled (boy was I grumpy). At some point, she looked at me, and said in her most plaintive voice, “Why are you doing this to me?” And I answered, “because you are misbehaving.” She did calm down a bit, and I suspect that at her age, she has already taken something from that event. My guess is that if I were able to do that do her consistently, she would improve quite a bit more quickly than she is. I only wish I had used the death grip more on my 6yo - unfortunately, I was preggers and nursing the younger one when she was in need of the death grip, so she didn’t get it - and I do notice the difference.

 

[lisa_nd]

We are in your same boat I was just thinking during mass today how much I appreciate my husband for what he does…it seems he is always the one to take out whichever little one is fussy or acting up. We used to get super stressed out about it since it is nearly every Sunday that he paces around the foyer with at least one of our kids. More recently we have come to realize that while this time feels like FOREVER, before we know it our kids will be grown and we’ll miss those sweet little toddlers. I know it may be of no consolation, but know that you are not alone! (And I bet even those families who appear to have perfectly behaved kids have the same issues—we just never see it in others as we see it in ourselves.)

 

[28562]

I have a 5 year old (who is close to perfect during mass and has been for 2 or 3 years now), and 3.5 yr old (who is getting there), and a 22 month old (who is a handful). I have ALWAYS been strict with my kids, whether we are at Mass or anywhere else…The ONLY time I take them out of the Church is if we are on the way to the bathroom for a spanking. And they all know it. Every one of them has been there before. My middle child is more difficult than the others and has been out more as a result. 99% of the time, all it takes is a stern look from me and they will straighten up.

Simply put, my method is to **never **put up with any garbage from any of them. They get a look, then it might be a pinch if I don’t feel like getting up right then, after that, they are going to the bathroom. I don’t have to go to option 3 often, but I see it coming with my youngest. He’s mischievous and is the one that will test us the most. But I’m harder headed than all of them, so I’ll win.

Also, consider what time you are taking them to Mass. Our church has a 5pm sat, 8 and 11am Sunday. 5 is close to dinner and they are tired from the day. 11 is almost lunch and nap time. 8 works great. They are not tired and not hungry yet. We used to bring a bag of cheerios or something similar to get them through the homily, which was always the toughest part, but now we have weened them off of that because I don’t like them snacking during Mass.

 

[SummerSmiles]

That is a rough age for any toddler! One thing I would suggest is to try and contain your daughter more when she’s in the narthex; it sounds like right now she is allowed to run around a bit in there. If my kids behave badly enough that I have to take them out, they are either being held in my arms or are sitting in a corner. If it becomes a place where they are free to roam, then it’s no wonder they continue the behavior that gets them there! Your daughter needs to understand that it is more desirable for her to be in the pew with the rest of you (where she has a bit more freedom to move around) rather than to be taken out into the narthex where she must be held or sit in a corner. It needs to be boring for them if they are taken out–no toys, books, or any type of playing.

Also, are you doing any type of practice with her at home? Just 10-15 minutes at a time of “quiet time” when they have to sit still and do something that doesn’t make noise every day can really help out quite a bit.

Is it the Mass time that is contributing to your daughter being antsy? If she’s feeling tired or hungry during that time of day normally, then it just might not be a good time for her and you might think about doing an earlier or later Mass.

If you can set aside some special toy or books that are only brought out for Mass, they might keep her entertained for longer.

 

[Lizzy21]

i have a 17 month old baby girl and she’s good for about half of the mass then she begins, lately, to have fits. like she wants to stand on the bench while consegration. I give her milk then and hold her and she seems to be ok.

i saw this lady that had 3 older kids maybe between ages 7-10, playing with a nintendo ds, totally bad idea especially since they are NOT toddlers. i remember if i didnt sit still my mother would pinch me lol. anyway times have def changed…

 

[bearkatjen]

DH and I’ve tried mass with our toddler and it is always bad. The crying room is full of other kids, so DH wants to play with them, but toddlers playing with toddlers quickly becomes too loud to even be restrained in the crying room. Our church has a nursery available during the school year, so we drop DS off there and go to mass without him. We will hire a baby-sitter to stay home with him for the services during Holy Week this year. This summer we will try to bring him to mass again, but if DS still doesn’t have the maturity to make it though, then DH and I will come to mass at separate times, so one of us can stay home with DS. We are trying a new discipline technique, so hopefully we will have more control over DS’s behavior by that point.

 

[twoangels]

I didn’t let my children run around in the narthex. If we ended up back there we held them. It didn’t take them long to learn that it was better to stay in the pew where they had some freedom. They can’t view the narthex as an area to run around and play or the behavior wion’t change. That’s been my experience. I wish you the best.

Peace,
Mark

This is the approach we just started taking with our one year old. She’s always been good at Mass, but as she got older, I found more reason to let her go into the Narthex. Since she’s not in daycare, she doesn’t get to interact with many children, so for awhile I actually liked that she was getting the opportunity. However, this led to her acting up and it became apparent that she wanted to go to the Narthex.

Another thing that seems to have helped is limiting the toys and wearing her in a baby sling. Granted, who knows how things will go as she gets older. What I do notice though is that kids who go to Mass at a very young age tend to be better behaved than those who rarely go or don’t go until they’re much older. I also found a website that encouraged taking your baby to church services to teach your young children to be patient and that it is not appropriate to run around in all situations.

 

[shainski]

We have four kids - the oldest is 7 and the youngest about to turn 3. So we are very familiar with this.

We’ve been going to church with the kids their entire lives.

When our first was born, we began sitting in the front pew. We did this so that he could see everything.

We went to an evening mass (7pm Sundays) there were few children at that service. Our kids have always been expected to be quiet. But we also are aware that their attention spans and their vocabulary would not allow them to understand or care about a lot of what occurs.

Going to church was extremely exhausting for my wife and i for a few years. But our children learned that they didn’t want to be taken out of church. (If they were taken out for being disruptive, we sat with them on a stair and they weren’t allowed to play or do anything - until they asked to go back in - politely). We’ve probably had to take out any one of our children about twice in their lives for behavior. They were allowed to bring toys (until our oldest’s 7th birthday). And we also brought snacks for them until that same time. The toys had to be quiet - and we had to try various things over time because they can find ways to make noise with anything.

We would try various methods of distracting them. But we also tried to find parts of the service where they could learn to participate. Singing “Amens” and “Alleluias” in the beginning. Standing for the Lords Prayer and holding hands. Saying “Peace”.

So even though they are playing for a lot of the service, they do participate in certain aspects of it - and we try to increase that participation with time. Even when they are playing, they hear the music - and some of the prayers sink in. They have to learn to be quiet and respectful.

For example, my soon-to-be 3 year old - likes to raise her hand when the cantor raises his/her hand for the participation in the psalms or other songs.

We have been complimented so many times for the behavior of our children. Probably 99 people thanking us for bringing our kids to mass for every complaint (and we have had a few complaints over the years).

But i will tell you, for my wife and i - many of those times people came to compliment us for bringing our kids, we felt like we failed. We are up close - we could see what they kids were doing. Sometimes we had to separate kids - or distract them - or take them out to use a restroom - so it seemed like we were being distracting - or we didn’t get to pay much attention ourselves.

But over time, it pays off. (And not just at church…

And to all those people who have thanked us for bringing our kids - Thank you for coming over to us and telling us that. Some of those days, we really needed to hear it.

To all of you who don’t have young children anymore. Take a minute or two and do go over and tell people when you appreciate what they are doing. It has gotten us through a lot over the years.

 

[28562]

And to all those people who have thanked us for bringing our kids - Thank you for coming over to us and telling us that. Some of those days, we really needed to hear it.

Ditto to this…We have never had a complaint, but quite a few compliments. Most of the compliments have come on the days when we felt like they were absolutely horrible. I guess it just looks different from a couple pews away.

 

[ChelleyD]

For us, it was sitting up closer to the front, so they could see more of what was happening on the altar.

This. There’s generally LOTS of room up there! Same thing happens in classrooms when you let the students pick their owm seats.

Our youngest, who’s almost 9 now, still prefers to sit up front where he can see what’s going on. Doesn’t like it when we do have to sit in the rear (which isn’t very often).