Living as Brother and Sister

[kayla]

I have a question about marriage life and need advice.
My second marrige was by a JP eight years ago…please don’t faint!
but hear me out.
I recently came back to the catholic church and now I’m in the pre-process of getting my first marraige annuled so that my current husband and I can take our marrige vows in the church.
From what I understand under the rules and canon code…I am committing a sin by having sex with my current husband and that we should live as brother and sister until the annulment in complete and our vows are recognized by the catholic church.
Holy Cow!..how in the world can we do this after eight years of marriage???
Should we continue as husband and wife and confess this every week? h-e-l-p!

 

[baltobetsy]

Don’t confess every week unless each week you have a firm intention not to continue committing the sin. To confess without intending to reform your life is worse than a waste of time - it is a sin in and of itself.

It would be very difficult to live as brother and sister until your marriage issues are straightened out, but God always gives us the necessary grace to carry out His will. Why not try? If you make a commitment to live chastely until your marriage can be blessed, and you occasionally fall into sin, then you can go to confession. That’s very different from living as normal married people during the week and then going to confession every Saturday as part of a plan. God knows your hearts. He knows when you’re really trying to do the right thing and when you’re not.

Imagine the spiritual blessings you will receive as a result of conforming yourselves to God’s will!! Go on and try!

Cheering you on,
Betsy

 

[puppylove]

My husband and I were married civilly for almost 4 years when I truly became aware of our situation (its a long story). About 8 months ago I turned my life around for the better and came to believe that I was sinning by having marital relations before our marriage was convalidated in the church and I refused further relations with my hubby until the marraige was convalidated. My husband had a “fit” over this and insisted we speak to our pastor immediately. Father never confirmed nor denied what I suspected, but he quickly convalidated our marriage the very next day. Good luck with the anullment. I will be praying for you.

Puppy

 

[george_eastlake]

I’m curently going through the same thing although I re-married in the episc church… My annulment was approved but still waiting for the final decision. We started classes to prepare for validation in the Church. I had to find out on my own, pretty much that I was in fact living in sin. I went to three different priests before I found one that was willing to tell me the truth. The fact is, you can’t recieve any sacraments unless you are living in complete continence (broth-sist relationship). Once you decide to do this you can go to confession and then receive Communion.
Don’t expect to hear this from most priests as they are afraid of rocking the boat. It’s in the Cathecism in the part on Marriage , I believe and also in Canon Law. yOU CAN DO IT! i THOUGHT NO WAY MY WIFE WOULD GO FOR IT BUT SHE DID. Find a good priest who can talk to you both about how this will strengthen your marriage. Read the Theology of the body. You can get it on line in the EWTN library. It makes a lot of sense that we should love the person first. Not having sexual relations makes you look at each other as God’s creation first, and affords for love under his direction.

Peace and Love always in Jesus

 

[FairyMagdelaine]

I won’t go into all the rules of Canon…but my now-husband and I were living together for 3 years before we got married, and it as I who requested that we abstain throughout our 5-month engagement. This might have been easier than the “Brother and Sister” thing since we still slept in the same bed and kissed each other, etc. But really, the whole Abstaining part was rewarding for us both and helped us feel happier and holier as we approached our wedding date.

How long do you have to go? My brother and sister in law got their 5-year civil marriage convalidated and her annulment took all of 3 weeks. And they were convalidated a week after that. It was an extremely small ceremony, but all of the 9 of us celebrated as if it were the wedding of the century. It was well worth it. Good luck!