T
Tecnologgamer
Guest
Yesterday I was expecting that I could have a little of hope about a job that I was wanted so much, however like always, I’m not get it. I graduated from school and I striving for self taugh to learn art (I do pixel art until the moment) and be game developer, I striving to earn money with games for real, but until the moment I couldn’t make money with the games I made and not could get a freelancer/job with my main task because I’m insufficient, so I was looking for jobs that could not take so much from my time. No for just it, I like to study other things like my our faith, history, math, etc. But the sad reality is:
In Brazil u work like a slave, people which live in Sao Paulo or another big cities need to wake 5 a.m or more sooner to take a bus to go to other side of town and back 20 p.m, so you cannot raise your childs, you don’t live and you spent 30 years of your life between the job and sleeping basically. I was looking some job that I could do near where I live, or that doesn’t need to do in 8 hours and many opportunities appears to me, but I could’nt get anyone, yesterday I receive another no and this devastate me so much, it’s was like my Rosaries was useless, all my trust was lost.
I"m taken to belive God doesn’t want it for me, even I desire much and have the willpower to strive for this, I’m problem to see God like someone who can help me (maybe because I suffer from scrupulosity) so I belive that I’m still paying for scars of my sins and that I’m only need to pray for my spiritual life while I cannot expect no help from this world because everytime I was hoping that I could get a job which clearly shows advantage to me ( time, to be close where I live) I cannot get, even begging for help in my rosaries, I’m feel being forsaken by God. And then there is another problem that I have that is been shooted by thoughts, since the moment that I wake until I sleep again many thoughts come from my head and I need to avoid to pray, to work, thoughts about the past, my head suddenly creating situations and I living them, depeding how my mood is I have thoughts of anger, revenge and this follow me until the end of the day, so I cannot get concentrated as other in my praies, I need to focus on my words while my mind try to trick me with these distractions, but yesterday I concerned in a though when I saw a post of a job where will consome a lot of my time, but it’s will give me a little time and then it’s just pass through my mind "I bet I can get this because God love by f#@ me"*, because it’s was seeded in my mind that I was get fooled to expect it, and I feel like is someone get mocked me.
In Brazil u work like a slave, people which live in Sao Paulo or another big cities need to wake 5 a.m or more sooner to take a bus to go to other side of town and back 20 p.m, so you cannot raise your childs, you don’t live and you spent 30 years of your life between the job and sleeping basically. I was looking some job that I could do near where I live, or that doesn’t need to do in 8 hours and many opportunities appears to me, but I could’nt get anyone, yesterday I receive another no and this devastate me so much, it’s was like my Rosaries was useless, all my trust was lost.
I"m taken to belive God doesn’t want it for me, even I desire much and have the willpower to strive for this, I’m problem to see God like someone who can help me (maybe because I suffer from scrupulosity) so I belive that I’m still paying for scars of my sins and that I’m only need to pray for my spiritual life while I cannot expect no help from this world because everytime I was hoping that I could get a job which clearly shows advantage to me ( time, to be close where I live) I cannot get, even begging for help in my rosaries, I’m feel being forsaken by God. And then there is another problem that I have that is been shooted by thoughts, since the moment that I wake until I sleep again many thoughts come from my head and I need to avoid to pray, to work, thoughts about the past, my head suddenly creating situations and I living them, depeding how my mood is I have thoughts of anger, revenge and this follow me until the end of the day, so I cannot get concentrated as other in my praies, I need to focus on my words while my mind try to trick me with these distractions, but yesterday I concerned in a though when I saw a post of a job where will consome a lot of my time, but it’s will give me a little time and then it’s just pass through my mind "I bet I can get this because God love by f#@ me"*, because it’s was seeded in my mind that I was get fooled to expect it, and I feel like is someone get mocked me.
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