Living together before marriage

[Karin]

Well, I’d like (name removed by moderator)ut on my upcoming situation vis a vis the thread topic. I am 41 single male who met a 31 single female over the internet from Ghana. We fell madly in love chatting innocently over the internet. She speaks broken english (types a little better) is extraordinarily poor and orphaned with only a few friends and is now when she gets healthy going to get papers to come to America to be (thank God) my wife. I am Catholic; she is excited about becoming a good Catholic wife and is living with an elderly lady now in Ghana. I am well aware of the hurdles we face to a happy marriage, but I believe that a strong desire we both have to have a marriage that brings us to Jesus first and foremost gives me great hope that we will bear good fruit if we are married.

Now, I have been helping her with expenses and will pay for airplane, but when she gets here she will not be my wife, but where shall I put her? I live alone in a two story Condo and she could have her own room and bathroom until the Church allows us to get married. I am a regular workin’ joe, not a rich fellow.

I am going to talk to my Priest tomorrow (and boy am I nervous. I have not talked to him outside of Confession before and in my whole life I have never even approached Matrimony) I foresee no impediments to marriage, but it would be cruel to bring her here and then strand her alone in some rental until we can marry. I still have to work.

But maybe we can marry right away? (Again, I have never gotten close to Matrimony before) I would like to put her on my insurance so I can make sure her physical needs are taken care of asap if she has any serious needs.

Jesus, I trust in you!

Only bit of advice I have for you is make sure that she is not marrying you and coming here just to get her “green card”…

 

[jmcrae]

Now, I have been helping her with expenses and will pay for airplane, but when she gets here she will not be my wife, but where shall I put her?

Do you have a sister, aunt, or female cousin that she could room with, for the time being? You can also check with your Pastoral Center (Bishop’s office) to see whether they have a matching program for immigrants who need low-cost housing.

added - What about the convent? Would the nuns take her in on a temporary basis?

I am going to talk to my Priest tomorrow …

Good plan.

 

[MichaelTDoyle]

You know I have a pretty fallen nature unfortunately, so that (gr. card) and dozens of other selfish motives ran through my mind too, but you know what? Even if they are true, I want her to be happy. I just want her to be happy and if that is all she wants from me then she is welcome to it and my love as a completely free bonus.

Mary, watch over us and intercede for us!

Peace

 

[SeekerJen]

Thats nice. But how many people saw you livng togehter and assumed you were having sex? Now you may say thats none of their business but you gave the appearnce of impropriety, And Our Church says that is very wrong… By you example you tacticly approved pre-marital sex.

How many people assume that my husband and I use birth control because we don’t have any children but are certainly well-off enough to properly care for them?

We’re infertile but I’m sure in these “enlightened” times everyone assumes we are guilty of the sin of contraception, and hey, we may be influencing others: “this Catholic lady who is well known in her parish MUST be on birth control yet still takes communion, so we can do it too.” Of course we could try IVF, tell no one, and appear to be a good procreating couple. Ironic that doing the wrong thing could look like the right, and vice versa. And Karin and her husband could have been living apart, having sex, and no one would have been the wiser because they looked as if they were doing right.

This whole scandal thing bothers me.

 

[Ferdinand_Mary]

Thank you to all who participated; this thread is now closed.

Mane Nobiscum Domine,
Ferdinand Mary