Living together celibately

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Marg66

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I’m a Catholic widow in my 60s. I met a lovely divorced protestant man who has been sharing my home part-time for the past year. We are great friends and live a totally celibate life. Only chaste kissing. I’m OK living like this and while I do miss intimacy, I wouldn’t be happy committing fornication. He is also content living this way. I know it may sound strange but at this stage companionship and peace are the priorities.

Am I committing a sin by allowing him to live in my home? If we were to marry civilly would it be a sin despite continuing to live a celibate life?
 
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Talk (or call, in these times) to your priest.

It is not up to anyone here to advise on these situations where a determining choice is to be made.

It may not be sinful, but may appeared as a public scandal.

Anyway, your priest should be aware, if you planned to stay in the rules and have a change to continue to receive the sacraments lawfully.
 
Are you sure you couldn’t theoretically marry if you wanted to?
 
The only reason to marry civilly (for me) would be to avoid giving scandal. His first marriage was to a Catholic in the Church so getting married sacramentally isn’t possible for us and furthermore, I personally I don’t think he has reasons to justify an annulment.
 
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Well, a divorced Christian’s (protestant) marriage is considered valid until proven otherwise, so he might still be married in the eyes of God. I would talk to a priest about yuh our situation so he can advise you.
 
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This man is not celibate, he is married to someone else while he lives with you. It is not about your companionship, this is about justice to his wife and the community. Civil “marriage” would place you in an even worse situation. You need to meet with a priest, lay your cards out on the table, and discuss your realistic options from here on out.
 
He did not want his first marriage to end – his wife wanted the divorce and could not be convinced otherwise so there really is no injustice being done to her. I really don’t understand your claim that he is not
celibate when we live in total continence.
 
Marg66,

Celibacy is a word designed to describe the state of a single person who live in continence.

Many people abuse this term and employ it to design a person who simply live in total continence independtly of his marital status.

Your friend is a divorced man, and who live in continence.
(And in a relationship with another woman and now consider a civil marriage while keeping continence).

I know that sadly and injustly many people have been left by their spouse and their best efforts to bring them back where unsuccessful. It seems that if they remarry they will not harm their ex-spouse.

Yet we believe that marriage is for life. A valid Catholic marriage can be dissolved only by death. If the husband and wife separate, maybe with a civil divorce, they should remain faithfull each other. Doing otherwise will be adultery and maybe a bad exemple for others (that’s why I speak of scandal).

I understand you have no wrong intentions and try to do what is pleasing God. It’s valuable that you are both willing to not iundulge in the physical part in respect of your husband’s first marriage (that’s the goal of this Church’s rules).

We know that there is a possible pastoral path for people who are divorced and fall by a new civil marriage and married life. That keeping continence may permit them, under their pastor’s direction to go to on the sacraments again.

Your situation is reverse, wanting marriage without consumption, in order to conform the rules. I am sure that you are not alone, but it is more uncommon to put the things like that. I have no idea what the Church’s answer would be. That’s why I suggest that you speak to your pastor. It’s better to anticipate the things, to have a view on your husband’s first marriage, and what the possible consequences of what you planned may have for your catholic’s life and your soul.

No priest can forbid you to do it, but for things related to divorce and remariage, it is an excepted step to speak of your priest first

I am not naive and know that in many situations people will make their own choice without telling any clergy and will not modify their habits.
 
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Thank you everyone for your responses.

I understand my situation is irregular so I will talk to my priest. I suffer and have all my life from severe anxiety and depression and this one fact complicates my life beyond measure. I wish it were different and that I were stronger mentally and physically.
 
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