Living Together During Engagement

[Torres]

My fiancee and I live together and are engaged. We moved in together a year ago and signed another one year lease before we decided to join the church. Her son lives with us and I have a father type relationship with him, and we have a joint bank account. We are entering the church in this upcoming Easter vigil. We can’t live with either of our parents, and so I’m wondering how a priest will handle our engagement.

Note, we had a long discussion and both agreed to not engage in intercourse until after the wedding.

Thanks ahead for your response.

 

[KiraNerys]

Hi Torres–congratulations on joining the Church! You’re in for the adventure of your life.

That’s a tough situation you’re in, but I applaud you for wanting to live rightly before you get married, which is really hard to do. I am only hypothesizing, but if you are truly unable to live separately–for instance, the financial hardship of you moving out until you are married will ruin you–my guess is that the priest will counsel you to live as brother and sister, which you have already said you are planning to do.

I would seriously consider the possibility of moving out until then if you have any way of doing so, because the image of you living together as a family unit sends the impression outwardly that you condone cohabiting before marriage, and may set up the wrong impression about the ends and meaning of marriage for your fiance’s son. However, your priest will best be able to guide you in the right decision if it truly isn’t possible for you to move out until you are married.

Again, congratulations on joining the Church, and I hope that you have a long and happy marriage.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

That’s wonderful that you and your fiancee are joining the Church soon

I think it’s best to discuss your specific living situation with your specific priest, if you haven’t already, especially since it’s not a simple matter for one of you to just move someplace else until the wedding, and your child is also affected here. In my experience, priests react differently depending on the situation and the particular priest, so, other than following the universal Church teaching about refraining from sex before marriage (which you say you’re already planning to do anyway), advice from someone on this forum may or may not be the same as what your own priest would say.

I know when I was engaged, the priest never asked us about our living arrangements at all. Other people had quite the conversation with their priest about it.