Living with opposite gender housemates (not-related)?

[Theosthetics]

Hey guys,
Quick question, is living with a female housemate (friends no lust whatsoever, I’m a male) okay?
We wouldn’t share bathrooms or bedrooms. And its with her family too.
But I’m considering it for college next year. She offered to drop me off in college too. And its cheaper than living at a place with 4 other random roommates (95% all are male).

Thanks,
Theosthetics.

 

[theCrow]

Why would it NOT be ok?

Sounds like a perfect situation. Go for it.

 

[Theosthetics]

Why would it NOT be ok?

Sounds like a perfect situation. Go for it.

is this a srs reply? I need a catholic designated response.

 

[CatholicSheila]

I don’t see why it would be an issue either. If she doesn’t cause you to lust or tempt you to sin then why not?

I’m sure some will answer that it causes scandal because people will assume you are sexually active together. Realistically, that’s not the case any more. People will you assume you are room mates to save money. Exactly the same assumption they’d make if you were both male.

 

[McCartney]

I have many female friends who are just that - friends. There is no problem with having friends of the opposite sex.

 

[ancailindeas]

Hey guys,
Quick question, is living with a female housemate (friends no lust whatsoever, I’m a male) okay?
We wouldn’t share bathrooms or bedrooms. And its with her family too.
But I’m considering it for college next year. She offered to drop me off in college too. And its cheaper than living at a place with 4 other random roommates (95% all are male).

Thanks,
Theosthetics.

If she is living with her family i.e. her parents perhaps siblings it sounds ok to me. If, however, your feelings towards her changed I would consider moving out. It might make things difficult.

 

[mrickey60]

I don’t see a problem. I have been living with someone of the opposite sex (I’m female) for almost 4 years while I was going to college. There is no lust or temptation. I did talk to my priest and he said it was fine as long as we lived as brother/sister. It has worked out in financial area and to have the friendship and company. Just like someone else had mentioned if you ever start having feelings then you need to move out .
mrickey60:thumbsup:

 

[12345678]

I disagree with the others. I think it is unwise to live with someone of the opposite sex that you are not related to, even if at the moment you are not interested in her at all. From a moral standpoint I do think there are a couple reasons why, purity in general being one of them. There is a level of intimacy that exists when you live with someone, and for two people of the opposite sex, that level of intimacy should be reserved for marriage. It is something a lot of people may not think matters, no doubt, but little things do matter and are important in helping avoid larger issues.

 

[heidi_storage]

I disagree with the others. I think it is unwise to live with someone of the opposite sex that you are not related to, even if at the moment you are not interested in her at all. From a moral standpoint I do think there are a couple reasons why, purity in general being one of them. There is a level of intimacy that exists when you live with someone, and for two people of the opposite sex, that level of intimacy should be reserved for marriage. It is something a lot of people may not think matters, no doubt, but little things do matter and are important in helping avoid larger issues.

Yeah, but with her family, too? Doesn’t sound like a very good opportunity for sin or intimacy.

 

[Iron_Donkey]

I disagree with the others. I think it is unwise to live with someone of the opposite sex that you are not related to, even if at the moment you are not interested in her at all. From a moral standpoint I do think there are a couple reasons why, purity in general being one of them. There is a level of intimacy that exists when you live with someone, and for two people of the opposite sex, that level of intimacy should be reserved for marriage. It is something a lot of people may not think matters, no doubt, but little things do matter and are important in helping avoid larger issues.

I tend to agree, though since her family (if this includes parents) is living there, I’m hesitant to be definite in saying it would be wrong, especially since the separate bathrooms things suggests that it’s a reasonable sized house. It still strikes me as somewhat unwise; however, if circumstances (presence of parents, particular living arrangements, for example) minimize the near occasion of sin and scandal (in the technical sense of “leading others to sin,” by example) sufficiently, then it may be acceptable if there is a large enough need for it.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, I would suggest to the OP that you ask the advice of your priest. You could also try the Ask an Apologist forum.

 

[ClearWater]

You can live together as brother and sister, but it’s probably less than ideal. It would be more prudent to try to find another arrangement where you didn’t need to live so closely with the opposite sex. Now true, some people on the forum may have had, say, one successful situation in which they lived successfully for a long period with the opposite sex, without falling into sin. Okay then, more power to them.

Their message to you would be that based on this one successful situation that you, too, would have the same happy ending. Now, they may even turn out to be right. Maybe you could resist temptation, make it work.

However, what if you were only human and felt attraction, which would be normal, almost predictable, really? If you found this happening, would you be willing to scramble to find a new place, even midsemester?

To me, it’s an unknown. Maybe you could, and maybe you couldn’t.

It’d be more appropriate to avoid, insofar as possible, temptation.

I think a lot of people get themselves into problems by overestimating their strength, thinking they can’t fall. Then, after they fall, they realize the oldtimers. with more traditional values who advocated caution, were right all along.

I was reading one article that was on infidelity in marriage, and it was saying some people make the mistake of thinking they could never be unfaithful. It said that people who admitted to themselves they could fall were more realistic, would do better, because they could then more successfully take steps to prevent this from happening.

It’s the ones who are overconfident that are at more risk. You might be thinking, “I can’t fall”, “It can’t happen to me”.

Can it happen to you? Yes. Will it? We don’t know.

Now, they recommend we not place ourselves in “near occasion” of sin, that we not tempt fate. Secondly, there is such a thing as “giving scandal” newadvent.org/summa/3043.htm,

Also, what about everybody’s reputation? What about the example one is giving to others?

It’d be preferable to find another living situation that would be more conducive to promoting the values you seem to aspire to.

 

[Joe_5859]

is this a srs reply? I need a catholic designated response.

Although theCrow does not generally come down on the same side of the fence for most moral issues as you would see articulated in the Catechism, he is being serious with his reply.

You can certainly discuss this with your pastor if you are having moral qualms about it. The fact that you are living with her family would seem to change things. It would strike me as more akin to living with a family who happen to have a daughter your age than that you are “co-habitating” with another girl.

But I suppose it depends on what you mean with “her family.” Are you talking about her and her parents and her siblings? Or is it her and her college age cousins and/or siblings? The former would seem fine. I’d be a bit more hesitant about the latter.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Hey guys,
Quick question, is living with a female housemate (friends no lust whatsoever, I’m a male) okay?
We wouldn’t share bathrooms or bedrooms. And its with her family too.
But I’m considering it for college next year. She offered to drop me off in college too. And its cheaper than living at a place with 4 other random roommates (95% all are male).

Thanks,
Theosthetics.

Shaking my head at parents of the girl. I can’t imagine oking this for one of my daughters in my house!!!

Is there some reason you cannot live with other males? Do you find it hard to have male friends?

 

[on_the_hill]

is this a srs reply? I need a catholic designated response.

As a Catholic, I designate my response: Sounds like a win-win to me. Go for it.

Some of the responses are biased toward the opinion that “something will happen,” or “something may happen.” I don’t accept the idea that a man can’t control himself in the presence of a woman, even when the opportunity presents itself. If a guy can’t control himself, he’s got more problems than he realizes.

 

[Theosthetics]

Hey guys, thanks for all your replies I read them all but started thinking

it would almost be like I’m adopted in their household family and nearly everything is separated
no I don’t have any temptation towards her. She might feel different but I’m sure to close that. I have no interest in females at the moment because of history.

I feel like its fine and the reasoning sounds sufficient to me. But I’m still looking at housing options and might have found a more ideal solution. But interesting (name removed by moderator)uts nonetheless.

I don’t think I would move in if the family weren’t there hehe.

 

[Theosthetics]

Shaking my head at parents of the girl. I can’t imagine oking this for one of my daughters in my house!!!

Is there some reason you cannot live with other males? Do you find it hard to have male friends?

Yes, I’m part of the “no friends crew”

But actually my male roommate would move in with me at that house… but its inexpensive too. anyways, See my other response as i may have gotten a place with males. its all up to tomorrow