Lonely and Frustrated

[Tempest]

I’m a freshman in college right now, and after being here for more than two months, I still find myself with hardly any friends. I’ve joined a number of good Catholic groups on campus, but in spite of this I just don’t seem to connect with the people, and am having a lot of trouble forming strong relationships with them. I suffer from awful social anxiety, and am consequently hesitant to approach people and initiate conversations, likely the reason for my lack of friendship. I am contemplating dropping out, and taking some time to get treatment for my anxiety, and to discern the path to which the Lord is calling me.

Is this a wise decision? I know in today’s society, such a choice is frowned upon when there is a huge emphasis placed on education. Beyond this though, I wonder if God would be pleased with me. Currently, I’m able to attend mass every day, and go to confession every week, things I would likely be unable to do at home. I am also involved in volunteer work at a homeless shelter, and am pretty active in the pro-life movement, also things which would be difficult to continue if I left. Is it legit for me to consider this, or am I simply too reluctant to suffer patiently and carry the cross of loneliness God has given me? Help would be appreciated.

 

[Tracyms1974]

Hey there!

  Honey, you need to give yourself a huge pat on the back!  You are doing so many good things when other kids in college are more interested in drinking, parties, and "hooking up."  You are to be commended highly.

  I think because you are doing so many good things, maybe you should stay.  Heck, maybe you should consider being a priest.  (Or nun.  I can't tell by your message or profile your gender.  Sorry!)  What are you studying to be now?  

  Look at it this way - you can't be volunteering alone for all these great projects of yours.  Talk to the other people that are there with you doing God's work.  You know from them simply being there that they are likely of excellent moral fiber which would therefore make them great friends.  There's a saying - Smile, God loves you.  It's true and it works.  People love to see a smile, so just smile, introduce yourself, ask what the person's major is, blah blah blah.  Conversation will become like second nature the more you do it.  Well, hold on .....  Here are some nice ice-breaker questions for ya:

  Hi, I've seen you around, but I never got your name.
  What's your major? .....  Oh, so you must spend a lot of time in such-and-such Hall.  I had professor so-and-so there.
  What do you hope to do when you get out of here?
  Do you have a job?  Where, maybe I can pop in and say hello.  Oh, you work there?  I was looking for a digital camera (other) maybe you can help me pick one out.
  You got your schedule done yet?  What professors do you have?  (Same question with books.)
  What are your plans for this weekend?  (Use this when you want to try to wriggle your way into a date of some kind.)
  Did you have a nice weekend?  What did you do?  (Good for people who are just friends.)
  Do you need a study partner?  (Good for seriously needing a study partner or if you're just interested in a guy/girl.  Actually, it's probably better to form a study group if you need help because studying with a significant other will prove to be distracting most of the time.)  What do you think about getting a study group together?  We could hash out our assignments and whatnot.

If you try all of these and you still don’t find any friends, then it ain’t you honey. You are just surrounded by rude people and you should try to find friends off campus. Finding friends can be hard, but it also can be done. Give it time and ask God to help you “pick” some good “candidates.”

God bless you, child

Tracy

 

[DeLaLuz]

God bless you in all that you do! Remember you are never alone. God has you there for a reason. Maybe your good example will encourage others to do the same. Making friends is sometimes difficult for every person at one time or another, in new places, new jobs, new stages of life. As for me, I tended to be on the shy side growing up, but I have learned that the people all around us are continually sharing experiences, such as waiting in line together at the store, at the doctor office, at a sports game, and even those seemingly common activities are opportunities for conversation or just a simple smile. So I simply try to join in the commentary of life that is going on, and I find that older ladies are always ready to talk! That said, try to follow the path that Jesus would have you on, and let the Holy Spirit guide you to friends, and the courage you need, and to trust in Him. God Bless you in your journey!

 

[danball1]

hey im a senior in college n i know exactly what ur going thru. i don’t have an exact answer for u b/c everyone is different and u should consult God about that. I’d suggest at least sticking it out the semester so you’ll at least complete some credits if u decided to go later on.

on the lonliness issue, id say not to worry about it too much. I happen to have lots of “friends” but to be honest, none are true friends, they r basically just drinking buddies. Now that i’m a senior looking back on my college career, i wish I’d hung out with a different crowd. Since i’m trying to leave the party/bar scene, i’m finding myself just wanting to be alone most of the time.

What i’m saying is that its better to be lonely than surrounded with the wrong people. id suggest talking to people at mass or the other activities your involved in. also know that your not alone n that a lot of freshman r going thru the same thing. my name is dan finocchio (kutztown '08 - there r 2 of us with the same name) if u want to find me on facebook and message me, i’d like to help!

Good luck!

 

[water]

I’m a freshman in college right now

I’m able to attend mass every day, and go to confession every week, things I would likely be unable to do at home. I am also involved in volunteer work at a homeless shelter, and am pretty active in the pro-life movement.

freshman with all this activities!!! you have more friends than you ever imagine - I am talking about those in Heaven praying together with you at Mass and other activities.

For friends at college, I never had any good good friend. Right now, after being out of college for almost 5 years, I’ve finally found a good friend (besides my girlfriend) whom I can talk and discuss about our Catholic faith - that’s all I care about. This guy is 10 years younger than I am, but I can learn and share a lot with him.

Pray about it.

 

[roanoker]

The Lord teaches us to be patient. You don’t have to rush things. You’re young and alive, and it sounds like you have a good heart. There are others around you who have the same qualities, and some have the same “problems”. At your age, many things are frustrating and difficult for most. Don’t quit school and go home-that won’t change anything. Pray often, trust in God, and wait for it to happen…

 

[ralphinal]

I’ll pray for you. The other posters have given you some great advice. I want to add that you may not be the only one feeling this way. That is a tough age group to find your place in. I would say keep trying. Part of the problem with feeling close may not be you, but with the others. God Bless You!

 

[fin]

I can so relate with you. Now that I’m devout, I haven’t met anyone my age who’s also interested and knowledgeable about the Faith.

I agree with one of the replies; pray about it. I’m doing it right now. I recommend to you St. Raphael. I’m looking for good Catholic friends.

While I can talk with classmates and such, I find myself longing for someone I can talk about the Faith with.