Lonely Catholicism

[Kendy]

Hi,

I knew this would happen when I left by community-oriented protestant church to become catholic. So, here it is, I am
lonely . I feel no support in this walk. My priest is jerk (not to mention a rebel). Most of the catholics I have met know very little about their faith. Except for my one friend, but she spends all her time telling me what to do, and how I am sinning, and well’s it’s annoying. I got a catholic roomate who turns out to be totally liberal and cafeteria-ish.

It occured to me as I was watching television show about this orthodox jewish family. I was so impressed by the level of accountability and community. This family’s life was so tightly organized around their faith, and I can only imagine how that helps. When I need motivation to go to daily mass, I have an alarm clock. Right now, I could really use someone to say a rosary with, but there’s no one to call. I feel all by myself.

Kendy

 

[Pax]

Kendy,

You are in my prayers and I am sure that many others will join in as well. Your story is not an isolated case. You are chosen and planted by God to do his work. Your conversion can be a sign to needy Catholics. Catholics and most other Christians need to be evangelized. The world, the flesh, and the devil are against us and many of our fellow Christians are being seduced away from the total love of God.

We must all serve as lights in the darkness. Pray always and never give up. I am in a pretty good parish but it is not without its problems. God shows me a little something every so often that indicates that things are getting better and so I remain optimistic in the long term.

Participate in the forums and get to know people here. You are in the midst of some fired up Catholics that love God and their fellow man. Take this same fire and spirit with you as you interact with your Catholic community at home. Your priest and parish need your help and prayers.

 

[Tonks40]

Hi,

I knew this would happen when I left by community-oriented protestant church to become catholic. So, here it is, I am
lonely . I feel no support in this walk. My priest is jerk (not to mention a rebel). Most of the catholics I have met know very little about their faith. Except for my one friend, but she spends all her time telling me what to do, and how I am sinning, and well’s it’s annoying. I got a catholic roomate who turns out to be totally liberal and cafeteria-ish.

It occured to me as I was watching television show about this orthodox jewish family. I was so impressed by the level of accountability and community. This family’s life was so tightly organized around their faith, and I can only imagine how that helps. When I need motivation to go to daily mass, I have an alarm clock. Right now, I could really use someone to say a rosary with, but there’s no one to call. I feel all by myself.

Kendy

Hey Kendy!

Actually, I know how you feel, even though I’m a cradle Catholic myself. When I reverted back to the church after dabbing a little in non-denominationalism, I immersed myself in a lot of parish activities. Though the companionship was great during our meetings and get-togethers at the parish, outside, it was really difficult to find like-minded, strong & faithful Catholics who would be willing to attend daily Mass with me, or say a rosary, or even attend 1st Friday Masses with me at night. I understand that a lot of these people have very busy lives outside of the church, me included. Needless to say, on a Friday or Saturday night, many times I spent my time in Adoration. (I had already started pulling away from my secular friends).

A year later, it still gets a little lonely with other people spiritually, but I’ve learned that I can’t cut myself off totally from the people I had shared a former life with. Nowadays, if I get a crazy idea at the last minute and want to sing karaoke, I don’t hesitate to call up my old friends, and we do share an occassional night out. Since last year, I also joined a faith-sharing bible-study during Lent, and to this day, the people I’ve met in this group have been nothing but wonderful friends. We do get together often to socialize outside of the parish.

I’ve met many people in the Church who are all at different levels of their faith. Some understand where I am at spiritually, others are more devoted than I am, some not-so-devoted. But I keep remembering how the Lord wants us to see the good in everyone, and all I can do is to love them as the Lord has loved me.

I hope this helps you, and I pray that for you, the loneliness doesn’t last long. You know you’ll always have the Lord to turn to!

God Bless!

 

[AnnaTherese]

I’ll say a rosary with you tonight. I’m so sorry you are so lonely in your faith. You’ve made a huge change in your life and it will take time to find good Catholics to share your heart with. You can start here, but don’t give up on your local area. Personal relationships are almost always better than internet relationships.

When I graduated from college I moved a few hours away from home and began teaching at this awful school. Every day I came home feeling like I could cry and wanted to quit; I hated it so much. And no one my age was around to share my hardship with. I had no one to call either. So what do you do? You get on the internet and start meeting people. At least here you can find someone to talk to and relate to who has been in your shoes and knows how you feel. Go out to some parish events and try to meet some young adults. Check out some of the other priests in your area and see if any are more understanding than yours. Maybe get a spiritual director. That might be just the thing! Keep fighting the good fight. Unite your sufferings to the sufferings of Christ. No one understands loneliness like He does.

 

[Catholic_Dude]

You think your the only one? Why do you think CAF is so popular? Its because its one of the few outlets us faithful Catholics have to get help for our questions and comments! Im around people all day who could care less about religion (including sub par Catholics) and worse yet mock Catholicism directly and indirectly.

Keep your head up, your not alone.

 

[Kendy]

Kendy,

You are in my prayers and I am sure that many others will join in as well. Your story is not an isolated case. You are chosen and planted by God to do his work. Your conversion can be a sign to needy Catholics. Catholics and most other Christians need to be evangelized. The world, the flesh, and the devil are against us and many of our fellow Christians are being seduced away from the total love of God.

We must all serve as lights in the darkness. Pray always and never give up. I am in a pretty good parish but it is not without its problems. God shows me a little something every so often that indicates that things are getting better and so I remain optimistic in the long term.

Participate in the forums and get to know people here. You are in the midst of some fired up Catholics that love God and their fellow man. Take this same fire and spirit with you as you interact with your Catholic community at home. Your priest and parish need your help and prayers.

What happens when I am the one in need. I have not said a rosary in over a week. I need someone to sit by my side and encourage me. We spend so much time accusing protestants of being individualist, but I feel more alone in my faith walk than before. If I don’t go to Mass this Sunday, no one will notice .

Kendy

 

[Kendy]

I’ll say a rosary with you tonight. I’m so sorry you are so lonely in your faith. You’ve made a huge change in your life and it will take time to find good Catholics to share your heart with. You can start here, but don’t give up on your local area. Personal relationships are almost always better than internet relationships.

When I graduated from college I moved a few hours away from home and began teaching at this awful school. Every day I came home feeling like I could cry and wanted to quit; I hated it so much. And no one my age was around to share my hardship with. I had no one to call either. So what do you do? You get on the internet and start meeting people. At least here you can find someone to talk to and relate to who has been in your shoes and knows how you feel. Go out to some parish events and try to meet some young adults. Check out some of the other priests in your area and see if any are more understanding than yours. Maybe get a spiritual director. That might be just the thing! Keep fighting the good fight. Unite your sufferings to the sufferings of Christ. No one understands loneliness like He does.

Thanks for the rosary. I will try to do one mystery tonight.
I have a good spiritual director actually, but you know what one needs— just good friends who understand the walk. Life happens outside of bible study and faith sharing group. It’s when I am at home watching two hours of television that I realize there’s no one.

I just remember how many times there were people there for me when I was at the vineyard. I just don’t have that in the catholic church. A year ago, when I was at the vineyard, I lost my job and my church got together and helped me paid my rent. Last month, I was in a car accident, which out me out of work for a month, and for the most part, I got, you are in my prayers.

Kendy

 

[Kendy]

You think your the only one? Why do you think CAF is so popular? Its because its one of the few outlets us faithful Catholics have to get help for our questions and comments! Im around people all day who could care less about religion (including sub par Catholics) and worse yet mock Catholicism directly and indirectly.

Keep your head up, your not alone.

How many people would be interested in living a catholic cooperative home. Last summer, I was looking into such a living arrangement. There’s this quaker house where about eight people live and pray together. Some of them are in families, but most are single. But in the end I realize that I didn’t feel comfortable prayimng with non-christians. I would have loved such a living arrangement with a group of catholics, but there’s nothing like that unless you are a nun or a priest.

At least last year, I had a roomate situation where we shared lots of things. The food in the house, for example, was communal property, and that was nice. I have tried to reesatblished that in my current house, but my roomate is definitely a fan of this is mine and this is yours. I just don’t like living like that.

I read the books of Acts and think, did they really live like that? It’s just unbelievable?

Kendy

 

[Pax]

What happens when I am the one in need. I have not said a rosary and over a week. I need someone to sit by my side and encourage me. We spend so much time accusing protestants of being individualist, but I feel more alone in my faith walk than before. If I don’t go to Mass this Sunday, no one will notice .

Kendy

Perhaps no one in the parish will notice if you do not attend mass, but the Lord certainly will. Lose yourself completely in the Lord at mass. You are there to worship him. Pour out your loneliness before the Lord in prayer. I think that you are being called to do something to help those around you. This will happen eventually and your loneliness will disappear. You need to take the steps to make these things happen. Your needs will be satisfied by serving others. Many are in a spiritual desert, and they need you even more than you need them.

If you want to meet some people and make friends try the following:

1. Listen carefully during the hymns at mass. If someone nearby has a good singing voice approach them after mass and compliment them. Introduce yourself at the same time and tell them that you are a convert and that you’re just starting to meet people. Whatever you do…remember their names and always say hello to them when you see them at mass. You can also approach young parents and compliment them for having really cute and well behaved children. As soon as they respond, introduce yourself. Do this kind of thing often and you will get to know people quickly.
2. Join a parish ministry…you will quickly get to know people in that group and they can introduce you to other people.
3. Any catholic that you recognize in places other than the Church grounds should be approached and greeted. Introduce yourself and tell them that you recognized them from mass on Sunday. You can engage them in further conversation or simply smile and tell them that you will see them again at mass and that you’ll make an effort to say hello.
4. Go to mass at a different mass time if the folks at your regularly attended mass seem unapproachable.

I used to be my own worst enemy when it came to meeting folks in the parish. Now I take a lot more initiative and I make a point of remembering people’s names which is really important. Always smile and greet people warmly. A ready smile goes a long way.

As you get to know people you may learn that someone has a specific need for prayer. Let them know that you are placing them on your prayer list. They will deeply appreciate this and they will want to know you better. Do not get discouraged. You are going to be a great asset to your parish and your fellow Catholics. Show them what Christian love is all about.

I hope this helps

 

[Kendy]

Perhaps no one in the parish will notice if you do not attend mass, but the Lord certainly will. Lose yourself completely in the Lord at mass. You are there to worship him. Pour out your loneliness before the Lord in prayer. I think that you are being called to do something to help those around you. This will happen eventually and your loneliness will disappear. You need to take the steps to make these things happen. Your needs will be satisfied by serving others. Many are in a spiritual desert, and they need you even more than you need them.

If you want to meet some people and make friends try the following:

1. Listen carefully during the hymns at mass. If someone nearby has a good singing voice approach them after mass and compliment them. Introduce yourself at the same time and tell them that you are a convert and that you’re just starting to meet people. Whatever you do…remember their names and always say hello to them when you see them at mass. You can also approach young parents and compliment them for having really cute and well behaved children. As soon as they respond, introduce yourself. Do this kind of thing often and you will get to know people quickly.
2. Join a parish ministry…you will quickly get to know people in that group and they can introduce you to other people.
3. Any catholic that you recognize in places other than the Church grounds should be approached and greeted. Introduce yourself and tell them that you recognized them from mass on Sunday. You can engage them in further conversation or simply smile and tell them that you will see them again at mass and that you’ll make an effort to say hello.
4. Go to mass at a different mass time if the folks at your regularly attended mass seem unapproachable.

I used to be my own worst enemy when it came to meeting folks in the parish. Now I take a lot more initiative and I make a point of remembering people’s names which is really important. Always smile and greet people warmly. A ready smile goes a long way.

As you get to know people you may learn that someone has a specific need for prayer. Let them know that you are placing them on your prayer list. They will deeply appreciate this and they will want to know you better. Do not get discouraged. You are going to be a great asset to your parish and your fellow Catholics. Show them what Christian love is all about.

I hope this helps

Yes, it helps. I just love a good a mission.

 

[havemercy]

I’m going through something of this sort currently. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

 

[jmcrae]

Kendy;

Pax has some very good suggestions.

I was just reading on a secular web site that “real life is like high school” and boy, is he ever right! He said that the secret to success is not to know more than other people, but to know more people. He suggests, “Introduce yourself to three new people every week, that you have never met before.” Don’t wait for them to come to you, but just go up to three people that you have never met before, either before or after Mass when everyone is in the parking lot or outside the door of the Church, either during the week or on Sunday, and say, “Hi, I’m Kendy and I’m brand new here. What’s your favourite thing about this parish?” (I’ve seen people who’ve been Catholic for ten years introduce themselves as “new Catholics,” so I’m sure you’ll be able to use this line for as long as you need it.)

If nothing else, they’ll remember your name, anyway, and soon you’ll have people coming up to you and saying, “Hi, Kendy - how are things going for you this week?”

 

[NotWorthy]

Thanks for the rosary. I will try to do one mystery tonight.
I have a good spiritual director actually, but you know what one needs— just good friends who understand the walk. Life happens outside of bible study and faith sharing group. It’s when I am at home watching two hours of television that I realize there’s no one.

I just remember how many times there were people there for me when I was at the vineyard. I just don’t have that in the catholic church. A year ago, when I was at the vineyard, I lost my job and my church got together and helped me paid my rent. Last month, I was in a car accident, which out me out of work for a month, and for the most part, I got, you are in my prayers.

Kendy

Is there something you can do at your church? Do you have an adult education class? If not, why don’t you take it on. Your priest (please don’t call him a jerk, even if you think he is) should most likely be happy to have someone volunteer to help educate adults.

We hosted an adult class at our church that has so far gone through threee of the four gospels, and concentrated on how much the Old Testament is revealed in the New. It has blown our parishioners away, for the most part. For the first six months, it was slow, but after 8 months, we really showed sign of growth.

I, like you, was recently in an accident. While bedridden, two people stepped up and took over the class. It was so comforting to know that we didn’t lose any of the momentum that had been building up recently.

What I have to stress is for you to have patience. And trust that God put you here for a reason. It may be time to start sharing those gifts that God has given you.

 

[Kendy]

Is there something you can do at your church? Do you have an adult education class? If not, why don’t you take it on. Your priest (please don’t call him a jerk, even if you think he is) should most likely be happy to have someone volunteer to help educate adults.

We hosted an adult class at our church that has so far gone through threee of the four gospels, and concentrated on how much the Old Testament is revealed in the New. It has blown our parishioners away, for the most part. For the first six months, it was slow, but after 8 months, we really showed sign of growth.

I, like you, was recently in an accident. While bedridden, two people stepped up and took over the class. It was so comforting to know that we didn’t lose any of the momentum that had been building up recently.

What I have to stress is for you to have patience. And trust that God put you here for a reason. It may be time to start sharing those gifts that God has given you.

I am not going to say what my priest did, but let’s just say I left the church in tears two weeks. And then I found out that I am not the only person who he has brought to tears.

Kendy

P.S. I will say this much. I did enjoy hearing four letter words coming out of the mouth of someone who is supposed to be my spiritual father.

 

[JLM316]

Hi Kendy,
You need to get involved in something at your parish. maybe you can be an usher, or help setting things up for mass, maybe they need help with CCD… Another suggestion - you are definitely not alone - many many ex-catholics who have been to vibrant protestant churches loaded with community activities and connections have returned to mother church and been in this situation - why not organize a prayer group at your house in the middle of the week, and ask folks to join you. All it takes is 3 or 4 people to have a good prayer group. Believe me - it will make a huge difference - Christianity is NOT meant to be done alone - we were made for community… God did not intend us to be alone - and in fact I am firmly convinced if you don’t do something like this - you will fade away - you will revert make to non-spiritual ways, and perhaps return in desparation to a protestant church where such connection is easy to find - I know - because It happened to me, several times. I left the church and went back, left again after feeling LONELY and then for several years went no-where - no church at all - thinking the catholic church wasn’t helping me - and I didn’t agree with the protestants doctrinally, so I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere - I left and found connection in the secular world - I started hanging around with friends who don’t care about God - I became worldly, and eventually little by little pushed God completely out of my life - that is - until I saw the Passion of the Christ in 2004 - and cried my eyes out each time our Lord feel with the wieght of the cross under Him, It reached into me - and made me think “what I am I doing??” I am wasting this church life God gave me on myself. Its selfish and indulligent, and knowing full well how God himself emptied Himself and suffered so brutally for me - I knew I had to go back and not only go back - but be involved - be a christian - that means looking for connection - in a small protestant church - connection finds you - in a catholic church - sometimes you have to create it - why -?? because basically a protestant church is a “gathered” church - it is made up of people of like minds who share the same faith - and in many cases are in the same place spiritually - whereas a Catholic church is made up of people who gather together not because they are of like minds - but rather it is geographical. folks belong to a parish because they are traditionally catholic and because they all live within the boundaries of the parish - because of this what you will find is a big melting pot of folks -making it hard to be a little fish in a big pond looking for other fish to swim with - they are there - believe me- they are there. just have to find them… as for me - I still attend bible studies and worship and serve in a protestant church to maintain connection but I also attend mass every week - and intend to raise my children as catholics- why?? because I don’t claim to understand how a church like ours as lasted for 2000 years dispite division, and scandal, and loneliness, and the worst yet - secularism - folks who have lost faith in the cross - the passion was a shot in the arm for us - letting us know why there is a cross on top of every catholic church - it needed to be a brutal and shocking movie to stir us up, and make us know who we are- and where are bread is buttered - in Christ. Try to form a prayer group in your parish - I am sure some folks will want to join it, all you need is a few. if you are still lonely, shoot me an email - I’ll talk to you - we are all in this together, my friend, remember that…

 

[Eileen_T]

I am not going to say what my priest did, but let’s just say I left the church in tears two weeks. And then I found out that I am not the only person who he has brought to tears.

Kendy

P.S. I will say this much. I did enjoy hearing four letter words coming out of the mouth of someone who is supposed to be my spiritual father.

Kia kaha Kendy

That is a Maori term that means “Stand strong”

The Church today is in dire need of people like yourself who have become Catholic out of conviction and in spite of all the negative stuff that is going on.

You are not alone. Remember this, if you were the only faithful and true Catholic left in a Church full of lukewarm Catholics and apostates, you would be the Church. Maybe God is calling you to make a difference in your Parish.

 

[Giannawannabe]

I am not going to say what my priest did, but let’s just say I left the church in tears two weeks. And then I found out that I am not the only person who he has brought to tears.

Kendy

P.S. I will say this much. I did enjoy hearing four letter words coming out of the mouth of someone who is supposed to be my spiritual father.

I hope this hasn’t already been mentioned…but you may need to find yourself a new Parish. When you’re just learning your Faith, you need the support of your priest.

One way to learn your faith, meet people, and become very involved in your Parish is to teach Catechism to the children. Ask to teach the pre-schoolers or first grade class. Make sure that you find a nice new Parish that is faithful to the Catholic Faith first!

Maybe you could look into Opus Dei or Regnum Christi. They are lay apostolates that are quite orthodox. See if there are any groups in your area. They usually meet on a regular basis. Regnum Christi “encounter” meetings are once a week, and they do a nice Gospel reflection and relate every day living to the Gospel reading of the week.

You’ll be in my prayers…

 

[JLM316]

another to fight lonliness - remember this one basic principal - people are bound together by a common interest. ask yourself what are you interested in?? If you are lonely it could be the sign of something that is dominating your life that is pushing out things that are ‘social’… maybe its work - over work that is. maybe its depression - there are lots of reasons why we stay by ourselves. I went through a period like that - and blamed the church for my own failure to reach out - ask yourself if you need to reach out - what you find, is that the extend you reach out, you will in fact reap many relationships in this life - it is a good idea to introduce yourself to folks after mass, ask if they need help with something - they always do?? I know someone who asked how she could help - and someone at the church said “ok let me get the list!!” . there are many ways to get involved and once you do - you will find connection and with that friendships and your life will be so full - you’ll want time alone every so often and lonliness will not be part of your life- in a protestant church folks are bound together by common interests - and there are groups all over the place to join - clubs if you will. its the same principle of common interest. in the catholic church - it is not the same thing - folks are not gathered by common interest - but rather it is a big melting pot of folks thrown together geographically - within it however are folks who think like you - age group matters - family status matters - if you are married and have little children - you will be drawn to other young couples who share the same trials and tribulations and concerns - if you are a young single person - you need outlets to find yourself - someplace to find a soul mate to marry, or perhaps discern a vocation to religious life - where there is much community again bound by common interest - there is a perfect example of community - tight community bound by common interest - and its very catholic - I think you get the point - pick something you enjoy - gosh it could be bowling, swimming, helping clean the church on monday mornings, or the other idea of forming a prayer group - that works very well - whatever it is - do it for your body, mind, and soul - but don’t let it subsitute for your relationship with God or interfere with it, especially at the expense of truth.

 

[Ridgerunner]

Groups of people differ from one another. Some parishes are very effusive and social. Some are very reserved. But one needs to look deeply. My parish is one of the reserved ones; probably because of the ethnic origins and occupations of most of the members. However, for example, there is a group that makes the Stations on Fridays. There are prayer chains. There is a womens’ group. There is the K of C. It’s all still kind of reserved; not a party atmosphere. But everybody knows where everybody is. If somebody doesn’t show up, the rest all know it and try to find out what’s wrong. We have a grade school, and there are a goodly number of people involved in that. But, when Mass is over, everybody heads for his car and you wouldn’t think anyone knew anyone else, or cared. A parish not five miles away has all-parish activities all the time. An hour after Mass, there are still groups and clusters around the church. But they are of different origins and occupations. Protestant churches vary a lot. Some are intensely social, some are icy cold. Protestants tend to form whole new churches to fit a particular approach. Catholic churches are arranged geographically, so the “atmosphere” of any one of them is not predictable or consistent. I don’t know anything about your parish, of course, but I suspect there are sub-organizations below the surface that you would find congenial. If not, you are probably only a few miles away from a parish very different from your own.

 

[blessedstar]

Dear Kendy

You and your friend who lectures you have more in common than you think.

Your Catholic friend who is giving you the regular lecture on the faith and presumes to know your sins, though they are clumsy, judgemental and presumptious, you must look at their intent and I can only believe that your friend’s intent is to have your best interests at heart. So now you say to this friend:

‘I can see you have my best interest at heart for the salvation of my soul, but you cannot be my conscience, just as I cannot be your conscience.You have your spirituality and I have mine, God calls us all on our own path with Him and in His time we blossom’

The humility in this will appeal to your friend. You will find your friend will stop their harranging of you and then show an interest in their faith and they will have a respectful interest in yours.

As for your other Catholic friend who you appear to be judging, you show them the Gospel in your love and kindness to them and be a good example and don’t even think to preach to them or make judgements about them. Most of all pray for them and ask them to pray for you.

You are lonely because you appear to be judging everyone and no-one is seemingly coming up to scratch, one friend appears to be too lax and the other friend appears to be over the top. See this as an indicator that you must be neither, but be merciful to other sinners like yourself and remain vigilant, constant, obedient and persevering in the faith.

Pray to Jesus to send you friends.

Your balanced, healthy, kind, merciful, unwavering approach to faith in Jesus will be appealing to both friends and to all old and new friends and even to the acquaintances or strangers and you will find that you do not feel quite so lonely but will be a shining example of the Living Gospel.

We all feel lonely.

Jesus is our only constant and best friend so offer your human loneliness to Him.

In my prayers.