Lonely Gay Catholic, & Problems w/ Single Life

[LoyalViews]

Funny you bring up music. I personally think music can and should be a source of comfort for any Catholic. Good music, of course - music that will open us up to true beauty and God Himself.

For me, that is any music in the Classical tradition - but first and foremost, Sacred Music in the Tradition of the Church, most especially that music which is most proper to the Catholic Church - Gregorian Chant and polyphony. Since I work as an organist and choir director, my very job can bring me much comfort - for that I am blessed.

And it’s funny you should say that because I work as the same! I just became director of a new choir and I’m getting them to break free from the hymnbook and try proper polyphony.

I do like music. That was quite good!
I mainly like classical music, you know… its not all about love, like everything else.

The post about how Jesus suffered loneliness made me think of this:
He was despised. Its in Handel’s Messiah.
youtube.com/watch?v=CP4JSVMBdZg

I love the Messiah, and I love classical music. And it’s a good thing you say that - every popular song in the world of today is about “you did this, I did this, now we’re in love” but that’s not where beauty exists in music; the beauty is escaping the regular sorrows of life.

 

[moonlight87]

I’m sorry to hear this. I know you are feeling miserable but remember that Jesus doesn’t look at you this way. He looks at you with compassion.

I would like to give you a few guidelines that will help you to battle your addiction:

• Attend weekly mass and confess. When we confess we do not only receive forgiveness for the sins we are sorry for, but we also receive the strength to overcome them
• Find a lay community, prayer group or convent where people come together on a regular basis.
• Make a prayer Schedule. This is really personal but should include at least 30 minutes reading of a good spiritual book before going to sleep if possible, morning and evening prayer. To this you could add personal devotions. For example, the 3 o’clock prayer and praying your rosary after you have had dinner.

 

[reggieM]

SSA

A few points to consider:

1. If lived well, a life of chaste celibacy is not one of loneliness and misery. It’s the opposite - joyful and full of relationships.
2. Our purpose in life is contemplation of God. Start working on that now. Put 100% focus on Him. Build a friendship with Him. It will purify your emotions.
3. Try to build holy, chaste friendships with men. You have to fight and overcome sexual/lust desires – as all single men must do. Such thoughts are not appropriate outside of marriage (lust is never appropriate).
4. Learning to love and respect men means never wanting to hurt them morally or physically with male sexuality. Start to re-program your thinking now. Respecting a man means treating him well, not with a sexual desire for him. That’s only harmful to both of you. See men as sacred, integral and chaste - as God intends. Men must do this with women also - and never view them as objects of sexuality.
5. Wanting to be held, physically, by a man is probably a reaction to something you felt deprived of. There’s usually an issue with father or mother. That feeling can be overcome - it can pass away.
6. Being a virgin is something to be glad about - it’s something to preserve. Don’t lose or waste it.
7. Pray with all of your heart and ask Jesus to be your friend. And ask him to send other friends and companions you need. And ask Him to preserve your purity of heart and virginity outside of marriage.

What you are suffering can be turned into a great blessing. God is calling you to Himself – with celibacy, you have greater freedom to find Him.

One place we know, for sure, we can find Him is in the Blessed Sacrament. If you can find places where there is Adoration offered - go there. He is truly there and will communicate His love to you. He will embrace you far more closely and with far more loving effect than any human being can.

An excellent book, I’d recommend - “The Courage to be Chaste” - Fr. Benedict Groeschel. He addresses his experience of many young gay Catholics who have had the same concerns and sorrows you do.

 

[reggieM]

I live in a town and a region of the country where there aren’t many Catholics. I’ve had 2 priests act as my spiritual director, but they’re both in the big city which is an hour away. Because of that, I’ve only very irregularly gotten spiritual direction. I go closer to every 2 months, than every month…

One of the priests in town is the vocation director, who I know very well. But, because he’s the vocation director, he doesn’t also want to be my spiritual director, in the event I might actually have a vocation to the priesthood/ religious life. [Which, it doesn’t seem like too many people in the Church would want me to be a priest/ religious. Who knows, maybe Jesus has a different opinion )

You should be able to find spiritual direction by phone. This can be a tremendous help for you. I would suggest even a brief phone call every week - to review your spiritual progress, go over temptations you’ve had and how you handled them, and discuss steps towards your vocation and purpose in life.

There’s a difference between spiritual sorrow and depression also. Worldly depression is caused by the devil. He tries to make us upset, sad, worried, fearful and despairing. When we say “there is nothing to look forward to in life - it’s going to be terrible” - that’s the devil putting depressing thoughts in your head. When we say, “no matter what happens, pleasure or sadness in this world, I am so happy to be with God who will always be with me and who loves me so much” – that’s the Spirit of God, giving you hope and positive thoughts.

You have a lot to look forward to in this life. You’re young and God can do so many things with you. In spite of what people claim, sexuality is not the most important thing in life.

God is the greatest treasure - the pearl of great price. A life with Him, being close to Him and serving His mission - is the greatest happiness.

People think marriage is always going to be romance and pleasure. But it’s not like that. A good marriage is a lot of sacrifice. It’s not all about having sex or getting whatever you want - as I’m sure you know, it’s just helpful to have a reminder.

I know so many good Catholics who have suffered immensely in marriage. Even with isolation, loneliness, heart-break, self-denial and celibacy (even in marriage that happens sometimes).

The true path to God requires some loneliness and alienation from the world. It’s not a big happy social event. That comes after, in heaven.

Spiritual reading can sustain you. Read the hardest things – the martyrs, the passion of Our Lord. You’ll realize that people do suffer quite a lot. It will be good for you to know that you’re not alone.
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