Long distance courtship/exclusive friendship

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JeraldW

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Hello everyone

I met a wonderful Catholic lady at a young adult retreat this past January. We knew we were both attracted to each other right away, in all aspects. We correponded for a few months (3-4) back and forth via email and facebook after that. Her and I agree on all important aspects of possible family life and our goals and aspirations. We share both a profound love for the Lord and His Church.

She is still in a four year college, she is a latestarter, she just graduated freshman year. Her major is in buisness economics, but she has said it is moreso for possibly running a household. She is very studious, and loves school. She is 19. We are originallyboth from the same state, and grew up only 60 miles away from each other.
This is where the long distance comes in.
Just a month ago I moved from our home state and went to the oil fields of North Dakota to work on a well-paying trucking job. I am very mature 21. I plan to stay out here for 2-3 years. I am now 600 miles away from her, and 800 from our familes. We have been able to skype online, and facebook back and forth. The more we talk, the more I seem to find our commonalities. I hae tried to keep my feelings and thoughts in proper harmony, to a good dgree of success. All in all she is very much wife quality in what I have seen of her thus far… Not in a idealistic or infatuated way, but in a very realistic way. We were able to see each other face to face the weekend before i left, and being with her around friends and family seemed so right.

Well, it just so providentially happend she was able to go visit my parents in my hometown. She fit right in according to everyone. After that visit we had a intense skype conversation, and we were confused on how to proceed with our correspondance. before i left, i said we will have to be just friends only, because i could not see myself taking her away from her studies. We want to guard both of our hearts, butit has been been hard to do. In july i will have the opportunity to come back home to visit both her and my family, and her family is super excited to meet me also. We bothagree we need to get to know each other.

Basically I am trying to figure out where and if to put boundaries in this scenario. I really like her alot, but i want what is best for us, and most importantly, what the Lords Will is for us. Any guidance from older/ wiser people would be appreciatited! God bless
 
JeraldW said:
Hello everyone

I met a wonderful Catholic lady at a young adult retreat this past January. We knew we were both attracted to each other right away, in all aspects. We correponded for a few months (3-4) back and forth via email and facebook after that. Her and I agree on all important aspects of possible family life and our goals and aspirations. We share both a profound love for the Lord and His Church.

She is still in a four year college, she is a latestarter, she just graduated freshman year. Her major is in buisness economics, but she has said it is moreso for possibly running a household. She is very studious, and loves school. She is 19. We are originallyboth from the same state, and grew up only 60 miles away from each other.
This is where the long distance comes in.
Just a month ago I moved from our home state and went to the oil fields of North Dakota to work on a well-paying trucking job. I am very mature 21. I plan to stay out here for 2-3 years. I am now 600 miles away from her, and 800 from our familes. We have been able to skype online, and facebook back and forth. The more we talk, the more I seem to find our commonalities. I hae tried to keep my feelings and thoughts in proper harmony, to a good dgree of success. All in all she is very much wife quality in what I have seen of her thus far… Not in a idealistic or infatuated way, but in a very realistic way. We were able to see each other face to face the weekend before i left, and being with her around friends and family seemed so right.

Well, it just so providentially happend she was able to go visit my parents in my hometown. She fit right in according to everyone. After that visit we had a intense skype conversation, and we were confused on how to proceed with our correspondance. before i left, i said we will have to be just friends only, because i could not see myself taking her away from her studies. We want to guard both of our hearts, butit has been been hard to do. In july i will have the opportunity to come back home to visit both her and my family, and her family is super excited to meet me also. We bothagree we need to get to know each other.

Basically I am trying to figure out where and if to put boundaries in this scenario. I really like her alot, but i want what is best for us, and most importantly, what the Lords Will is for us. Any guidance from older/ wiser people would be appreciatited! God bless
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Take it slow and let it develop into what God wants it to develop into. But from your post I think I’m just telling you something you already knew.
 
I agree, neither of you should make any commitments until you are able to do something about them. You don’t want to tie her down when you are unable to do anything, so let her stay “free” so that she can get to know others during this time. If you two stay together through all this, you will each feel that much more confident of the other.
 
JeraldW said:
Basically I am trying to figure out where and if to put boundaries in this scenario. I really like her alot, but i want what is best for us, and most importantly, what the Lords Will is for us. Any guidance from older/ wiser people would be appreciatited! God bless
Click to expand...
Buy her a ring. A small one. Plan on a long engagement. That’s what engagements are for. It’s the old-fashioned way. You don’t start planing a wedding, you become committed to one another. How much she wants to finish college is up to her, BTW. I believe they have colleges in ND. And computers and business degrees to earn online. And towns where people can get jobs and apartments … dude - stop being so reasonable and go get the girl.
 
You both need to pray and discern whether now is the time to be pursuing a romantic interest with her. Unforunately, your interest in each other makes this decision difficult. Its not a bad thing to want to visit each other, but such visits can get you hooked thinking about that person as your girlfriend or boyfriend.

I would say the best thing is to keep corresponding, but to be willing to get out of contact. Don’t become overly committed to keeping that line open. Allow yourself to get busy with life. If the time to discern marriage becomes right, you might friend you’re still casual friends with her, or you might look her up. Of course, there is the risk of losing her, but you have to trust God in this one.

There is of course the other alternative of changing your exterior plans and discerning marriage with her more seriously. This may mean major changes in career, location and education. So prayerfully discern that.

What I would advise you against doing is trying to keep the strings attached in a “We’re in a serious relationship for a long time.” I think that would just rationalize sin.
 
everyone has been giving sound advice, i would share that my older sister n her boyfriend at the time did have a long distance relationship, and it worked out for them, they are married now and have been for many years since .

It will be hard work, there is no reason that you cant say that you two are a couple, you don’t have to turn off the feelings and say well we just gota wait till school is over.

Balance is the key, you see each other when you can, and just keep getting to know each other, jewelry is always nice as it is a symbol that there is a commitment, personally a ring is waaaaay to close to meaning engagement and going straight to marrage, enjoy the courtship for what it is and the dating, a necklace or bracelet can mean just as much to her with out her family and her friends thinking she is going to drop out of college and go run away with you, and of course some form of jewelry helps her to tell other guys, oh my BOYFRIEND gave me this .

You two dont have to make plans now to move closer to each other, it is okay to be in love and have a long distance relationship based on the fact that you two have already met and will continue meet in the near future.

and then you just have to balance time to have skype dates, so that it isnt constant hours on end on the net or phone when she needs the time to study and for you to do things as well.

balance, set schedules to meet in person, or on the phone or skype for x amount of time, and be flexible to change things around if they dont work at first.
 
“Exclusive friendship??” :confused:

Haha, there’s a good one. 😃

Anyway, 2 out of the 4 years I dated my husband were very long distance. Two time zones away. It was not easy, but we got through it and it can work if you really really like/love the person.

He was my boyfriend though, not my “exclusive friend.”
 
I have been down this road before too. If these are first “big” relationships for both of you, be careful. I know that “playing the field” sounds rather crass, but there are other people out there.
 
JeraldW said:
Hello everyone

I met a wonderful Catholic lady at a young adult retreat this past January. We knew we were both attracted to each other right away, in all aspects. We correponded for a few months (3-4) back and forth via email and facebook after that. Her and I agree on all important aspects of possible family life and our goals and aspirations. We share both a profound love for the Lord and His Church.

She is still in a four year college, she is a latestarter, she just graduated freshman year. Her major is in buisness economics, but she has said it is moreso for possibly running a household. She is very studious, and loves school. She is 19. We are originallyboth from the same state, and grew up only 60 miles away from each other.
This is where the long distance comes in.
Just a month ago I moved from our home state and went to the oil fields of North Dakota to work on a well-paying trucking job. I am very mature 21. I plan to stay out here for 2-3 years. I am now 600 miles away from her, and 800 from our familes. We have been able to skype online, and facebook back and forth. The more we talk, the more I seem to find our commonalities. I hae tried to keep my feelings and thoughts in proper harmony, to a good dgree of success. All in all she is very much wife quality in what I have seen of her thus far… Not in a idealistic or infatuated way, but in a very realistic way. We were able to see each other face to face the weekend before i left, and being with her around friends and family seemed so right.

Well, it just so providentially happend she was able to go visit my parents in my hometown. She fit right in according to everyone. After that visit we had a intense skype conversation, and we were confused on how to proceed with our correspondance. before i left, i said we will have to be just friends only, because i could not see myself taking her away from her studies. We want to guard both of our hearts, butit has been been hard to do. In july i will have the opportunity to come back home to visit both her and my family, and her family is super excited to meet me also. We bothagree we need to get to know each other.

Basically I am trying to figure out where and if to put boundaries in this scenario. I really like her alot, but i want what is best for us, and most importantly, what the Lords Will is for us. Any guidance from older/ wiser people would be appreciatited! God bless
Click to expand...
I met my husband online 10 years ago. I was living in Los Angeles and he was living in England. We said, “I love you” for the first time over the phone and again when we “met” in person. 10 months after meeting online, we were married and honestly, it has been the best thing I have ever done. He is my soulmate and I thank God every single day that He sent my darling to me. The thing is that one of us had to give and so my husband moved to the US and we have lived here ever since. The only way to make a long distance relationship work is to have the future goal of someone moving. Take it slow, talk to her more, see if she feels something for you, too. If it was meant to be then God will bring you together, no matter what the distance. Good luck!
 
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