Long Distance Relationship help

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catholicgirl25

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Hi everyone, I just wanted to ask for some advice for myself regarding my relationship with my boyfriend. I’ve been in a long distance relationship for almost a year, and it is going well. We are about 400 mi apart, but we talk on the phone/skype multiple times a week and see each other once a month. We also met in person through a friend. Anyway, lately our conversation has involved a lot of talk about me moving there, and I am the one more able to move than him (job circumstances, etc.). However, friends have told me they wouldn’t recommend moving until marriage if that were to happen. Just looking for some advice overall. I knew going into this relationship that if I wanted it to continue someone would have to move eventually, but I guess I am not sure if that would be the right thing to do at this time. Thanks!
 
Before we were married, my wife and I were 500 miles apart. Saw each other once a month and talked daily. When we married she was still in school so I moved to her. My advice is you are doing the right things here. The answer will be clear when the time is right.
 
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While your friends are right to be cautious, I suggest you decide to move based on whether you will be OK with moving and the relationship NOT working out. Would you be happy/OK with moving, changing jobs, and then staying there as a single adult? Would you be able to move back home if it didn’t work out without much detriment to job or life?

If the answers are “no” then don’t move before you get married.

I dated my husband long distance for a year plus a few months. We got engaged and then married 8 months after that. So 2 years all together. I moved after we married (1800 miles in the US).

But I was older, owned a house, had a really good job, and wasn’t willing to move until after we were married as it would be to a rural area, I would have to sell my house, etc.
 
My wife and I were long distance before we got married. She was in Latvia, I was in Ireland. So about a 3 hour flight. When we got engaged though, she moved to Ireland and worked here as we planned to live here.
I don’t think you should necessarily hold off until marriage to move, but maybe wait until you are engaged and planning the wedding. At least then there is some form of commitment.
There should be room for a bit of caution, but at the same time, if you want to move forward in the relationship, one of you will have to move eventually.
 
Thank you, this is helpful. I could move there and back and find a job pretty easily. I do think the relationship is going well and I want it to keep moving forward, but I never thought I’d be in a LDR, so moving scares me a bit. I’ve been praying about it a lot, so I’ll continue to do that too.
 
catholicgirl25 said:
However, friends have told me they wouldn’t recommend moving until marriage if that were to happen.
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I’d argue for the opposite–that (ideally) you shouldn’t get married unless you’ve lived in the same area for at least a bit. You should get a better idea of each other’s habits and domestic standards.
 
(name removed by moderator), is there a reason moving should wait until marriage?
 
I think it would be better to find that out before marriage and you can then have a discussion on where you might live.
catholicgirl25 said:
Thank you, this is helpful. I could move there and back and find a job pretty easily. I do think the relationship is going well and I want it to keep moving forward, but I never thought I’d be in a LDR, so moving scares me a bit. I’ve been praying about it a lot, so I’ll continue to do that too.
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Especially in that situation.
catholicgirl25 said:
We also met in person through a friend.
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Does that friend or any other person you know live close to him? I think it would be good to know other people in the area, even better if they are not also friends of his.

Do you have family or close friends near where you live now?

I wouldn’t be packing yet but I would spend time in the area and see what is available in terms of jobs, accommodation, and forming a social network outside of your boyfriend and his close friends and anything else that you think important in a neighborhood. You will be able to make a better informed decision then.
 
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