Looking for guidance Re: Mass

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Hello. I’m not entirely sure where to post this, but this seems the most appropriate place.

I’m married to a Protestant. Before we were even engaged I made clear to him that I’m Catholic and intend to raise any children that I have as Catholics as well. He was fine with that then and is still okay with it today as we work to raise our 5 year old and 1 year old Catholic (both are baptized). We were also married in the Catholic Church.

I feel pretty certain that he has no intentions to convert to Catholicism. He has, however, come to see over the past few years, the importance of understanding what his children are being taught and so, attended RCIA classes with me as I prepared for confirmation (I was homeschooled through high school and our local parish didn’t accept my catechism from Seton Home Study School to allow me Confirmation with my peers, so I waited until after College). I’ve otherwise explained things to him to the best of my ability as things have come up.

Now that I’ve given some of the back story, here is my concern regarding the Mass:

We’ve been attending church for the past 2 months now as we strive to get ourselves back in order (we’ve been a bit uprooted this past year as our house has been on the market and we’ve been staying with family during this time). So, we’ve been attending a new Catholic Church and I’ve recently started receiving communion again after having gone to confession. The past few Sundays my husband has also been receiving communion… I’m afraid to tell him that, because he is Protestant, he really can’t. I know I’ve told him this before, but I’m sure he’s forgotten as his memory isn’t always so great. I’m terrified that when I tell him this he’ll feel unwelcome and that it’ll set him backwards in his spiritual wellbeing (its really quite something that I’m able to have him attend Church to begin with). I also know that it is my responsibility to let him know and to have that much respect for Jesus Christ in the Eucharist. I’m also not sure if its a sin that I haven’t yet told him and my stomach is turning in knots as Sunday approaches.

How do I lovingly and charitably explain to my husband not to receive the Eucharist?

I only hope this makes sense, I’ve only proof read it once and I have a baby competing for my attention. Thank you for any help offered.
 
Talk to your pastor about this. You need to explain that the act of receiving Holy Communion signifies that the person is in fact in full communion with the whole Church, not just that they enjoy the relationship of the baptized with Jesus Christ, which is why it is a sacrilege to receive when one is not in full communion. Still, the Church is very much open to receiving your husband, if your husband will have us! Perhaps you can use this as an occasion to encourage him to join the Church.
 
Thank you for responding.

I think that’s where I’m feeling discouraged. I did speak with my pastor about this and his response wasn’t very helpful at all. I already know I need to correct my husband but the how is what’s difficult for me. I don’t want to discourage him or hurt an already challenged relationship with the Church. I just want to be careful in how I bring it up and in how I explain why he can’t receive. He’s very sensitive to what he perceives as criticism and is very “religiously skittish”. Perusing through this website has been helpful but I am hoping on specific advice.
 
Does your husband have a good male friend who is Catholic? If so, why not talk to him privately and get him to discuss the matter with your husband. This could be done tactfully, so your husband doesn’t have to know it originated from you.
It could be something like: “I saw you receive Communion last Sunday…I didn’t know you had converted…etc.”
 
You could ask your pastor or another priest to talk with him. I know they are busy but they should be able make time. They could explain the significance of Communion in the Catholic Church as distinct from the protestant understanding and also explain how they would be overjoyed to have him join in Communion with the Church.
 
CajunLife said:
Thank you for responding.

I think that’s where I’m feeling discouraged. I did speak with my pastor about this and his response wasn’t very helpful at all. I already know I need to correct my husband but the how is what’s difficult for me. I don’t want to discourage him or hurt an already challenged relationship with the Church. I just want to be careful in how I bring it up and in how I explain why he can’t receive. He’s very sensitive to what he perceives as criticism and is very “religiously skittish”. Perusing through this website has been helpful but I am hoping on specific advice.
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I’m sorry to hear that. Hmmm…I know how difficult this is, because my husband is non-Catholic, too.

It comes down to just spitting it out and living with the fact that it won’t get easier to say. “Honey, we need to talk. Do you see yourself joining the Church? Well, I ask because I noticed you have started to receive communion. That is a public act that says you have put yourself into full communion with the whole Church. It isn’t just “me and Jesus”. When you receive Holy Communion, it says that you have thrown it all in with all of us, have joined the Church. Are you willing to do that? There is nothing that would make me happier, but on the other hand to receive communion when you haven’t thrown it in with the rest of us isn’t in keeping with what that means. We won’t be hurt if you come to Mass and never join us, that is your free choice, but it needs to be one or the other. You really can’t have it both ways.” Then see what happens.

He may get mad at you, but you know this situation will not get better by letting it go. It is time to say something. This is what we chose when we chose to marry non-Catholics. It is not always easy, but we do have to tell the truth about what the faith teaches and, well, it is what they signed on for when they agreed to raise our children Catholic. It is not up to you or me to change what the Church expects from us. We have to be charitable and kind, but we also have to be truthful and obedient.
 
EasterJoy, Thank you. I think that’s what I really needed to hear. I know I need to buck up and let him know. The way you put the words is definitely a help in what and how I need to do that.

Any more advice will indeed be appreciated as I’ll be talking to him tomorrow evening. Thank you so much.

To the other responses, I wish those were options but we’re in a new area so we don’t know anyone and the priests are new as well so I’m just not familiar enough with this parish.
 
One thing I would add is to avoid expressions like “me and Jesus” when you talk with him. There’s no need to give him cause to think you are demeaning him or scolding him. Go in to the conversation with the most charitable outlook possible, even if you don’t believe it deep down. “I’ve noticed that you’ve been receiving communion lately when you’ve come to mass with us, but I’ve been to shy to say anything. Have you been thinking about joining the Church?” This way, you have given him an opening to freely express what has been going through his head without putting him on the defensive from the get go. After that, you can remind him of the fact that non-Catholics cannot receive the Sacrament hopefully without emasculating him.
 
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