Looking for Saint Terese quote?

[Odell]

Looking for something she had said about not hanging out in cliques or groups because when we do we are basically leaving others out. That’s the gist of it but not her words Does anyone know the quote?

 

[Sirach2]

It was in her Way of Perfection, but it was specific for the sisters in her community.

One result of it [special friendships] is that all the nuns do not love each other equally.

For the love of the Lord, refrain from making individual friendships, however holy, for even among brothers and sisters such things are apt to be poisonous and I can see no advantage in them; when they are between other relatives.

If our will becomes inclined more to one person than to another (this cannot be helped, because it is natural—it often leads us to love the person who has the most faults if she is the most richly endowed by nature), we must exercise a firm restraint on ourselves and not allow ourselves to be conquered by our affection.

In checking these preferences we must be strictly on the alert from the moment that such a friendship begins and we must proceed diligently and lovingly rather than severely.

However, St. Francis de Sales who wrote for lay persons, encourages special friendships.

Do you, my child, love every one with the pure love of charity, but have no friendship save with those whose intercourse is good and true, and the purer the bond which unites you so much higher will your friendship be.

My rules apply to those you deliberately choose to make. There are some who will tell you that you should avoid all special affection or friendship, as likely to engross the heart, distract the mind, excite jealousy, and what not. But they are confusing things. They have read in the works of saintly and devout writers that individual friendships and special intimacies are a great hindrance in the religious life, and therefore they suppose it to be the same with all the world, which is not at all the case.

So we see that the highest grace does not lie in being without friendships, but in having none which are not good, holy and true.

 

[louisak]

A couple of little notes here.

1. This would be Saint Teresa (of Avila) with an ‘a’ at the end. There was a Saint Therese of Lisieux, note the difference in spelling.
2. I believe that in most religious orders, or at least monastic orders, what they call “particular friendships” are prohibited or at least strongly discouraged. I think that The Imitation of Christ (which was written for monks) expresses something similar to what Saint Teresa wrote.

 

[Richca]

Looking for something she had said about not hanging out in cliques or groups because when we do we are basically leaving others out. That’s the gist of it but not her words Does anyone know the quote?

Not sure whether your talking about St Teresa of Avila or St Therese of Lisieux. Sirach2 has already quoted from St Teresa of Avila. I can think of two instances where St Therese of Lisieux says something about what you are talking about which I think is in her autobiography 'The Story of A Soul". One is where though she had natural affection for her sisters in the convent, 3 of her sisters where there, she didn’t want to overly show it as she thought this could be harmful for the rest of the community. The other one ( I think this is correct) is where she says that at the community recreations, she preferred talking to the sisters whom she had a natural antipathy for in order to practice charity.