I echo the other post-ers - I am so sorry to read about your struggles. I’ve had my really bad times in my marriage as well, and I would like to share a “come to Jesus” moment I had this Spring. For years I had prayed for my husband to be changed, especially in regards to me feeling I was being treated poorly (emotional abuse, lack of conflict resolution,etc). I prayed and read about how to fix your marriage, how to be a godly wife, how to fight fair, everything! We’d been to counseling, Mass every weekend plus trying to pray the rosary together, nothing relieved the conflict. Finally, one day I decided I had had enough, and I was challenging God to DO SOMETHING! I felt compelled to fast and pray until I had answers, so I started with fasting and taking many moments throughout the day (I have 7 children at home, ages 3 to 16) to be in silence and contemplation. I played christian music, played podcasts of the Rosary and chaplet. By Day 3 I was getting major confirmations about my quest, including from a visiting priest during Mass on Sunday picking our family out of the entire congregation and using us as an example for his sermon! Finally, 4 days after beginning, I couldn’t sleep, so I googled “God’s rules for wives” and was presented with this: God is my Boss. I took the duty of wife in obedience to God. I am subject to my husband, and he is subject to God. I do not answer for my husband’s actions. My husband has the ultimate responsibility to God for his family. My job is to love, honor, and respect my husband, regardless of his behavior. Unless I face peril to my safety or life, I have a job to do, and my feelings are not the focus. My obedience to God is the focus. If I am obeying God and doing it with a glad heart, God will bless and protect me. I decided to love and show honor to my husband in obedience to God, and stop expecting my husband to meet my expectations. Talk about a complete healing in our marriage! The first thing I did was wake up my hubby and apologize. Then I prayed for the grace to always maintain a gracious and loving attitude toward my hubby (he’s a pretty crusty personality!). Our conflict ended immediately. My feelings of despondency disappeared when I looked to God for my needs, and offered my love and care to my husband out of love for my Heavenly Father. I’ve had a couple of times in the last few months where we’ve had tension, but it has been because I let my guard down (tired, impatient). The miracle extends to my hubby too, as he’s been much more loving, gentle, humorous, and relaxed toward me. I brag him up to my children, encouraging them to do things for him and tell him loving things, so they will fill his heart with good things. I’ve been filled with so much gratitude and thankfulness every day for this miracle, because it doesn’t take much to remember the times when I just wanted out of our marriage because I couldn’t take the “abuse” of his negativity. A resource I received (although not Catholic, is biblically based and accurate) is Debbie Pearl’s book “Created to be His Helpmeet” which really gives it to you about God’s expectations for us wives, and the types of husbands we married, and the consequences of dishonoring actions by wives toward their husbands. I just encourage you to win your husband over with your love for God! He can melt even the crustiest heart. I will commit to pray for you every day about your God-led marriage, and hope to hear your testimony someday of converting your husband’s heart! Blessings to you~
