Losing hope for NFP, sex, and faith

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NFP1Kate

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I suddenly feel like I am floundering in faith. I had been married for three years before realizing that part of the Church’s teaching on natural family planning is that the couple must have a grave reason to avoid pregnancy.

Even after attending two per-marital counseling sessions with a priest, a weekend long Engaged Encounter, the FOCCUS test, and two additional marital counseling required by our Church and Archdioceses…this little fact was left out. They briefly mentioned that NFP was Church teaching, but that was the end of the entire discussion. Taking it an absurd step further- the priest at our Engaged Encounter encouraged couples to “shop around” to find a lenient priest on sexual issues.As far as I was concerned, NFP was just the way Catholic families lived (if they bothered to do it at all). It was part of the Catholic lifestyle.
I feel horrible, like I was allowed to enter into a vocation under false per-tenses. How can the Church not tell this to a young couple preparing for marriage? And now, to hear that NFP couples are sinning when they enjoy sexual activity outside of vaginal intercourse…it is more than I can bear.

With my (rather sudden) recent doubt, I feel like I am failing the Church, and I also feel like the Church has failed me. :crying:
 
NFP1Kate said:
I suddenly feel like I am floundering in faith. I had been married for three years before realizing that part of the Church’s teaching on natural family planning is that the couple must have a grave reason to avoid pregnancy.

Even after attending two per-marital counseling sessions with a priest, a weekend long Engaged Encounter, the FOCCUS test, and two additional marital counseling required by our Church and Archdioceses…this little fact was left out. They briefly mentioned that NFP was Church teaching, but that was the end of the entire discussion. Taking it an absurd step further- the priest at our Engaged Encounter encouraged couples to “shop around” to find a lenient priest on sexual issues.As far as I was concerned, NFP was just the way Catholic families lived (if they bothered to do it at all). It was part of the Catholic lifestyle.
I feel horrible, like I was allowed to enter into a vocation under false per-tenses. How can the Church not tell this to a young couple preparing for marriage? And now, to hear that NFP couples are sinning when they enjoy sexual activity outside of vaginal intercourse…it is more than I can bear.

With my (rather sudden) recent doubt, I feel like I am failing the Church, and I also feel like the Church has failed me. :crying:
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You should contact the John Paul II Institute for clarification on the matter, they are experts on what the church truly teaches and will more likely tell you the real position. I didn’t mean to upset you on the other thread, and I could be wrong. Plus they (the JPII Institute) must have more information on everything sexual in Catholic marriage and also counseling that you really seem to need at the moment.
 
You didn’t upset me at all. I appreciate you responding. Thank you.

I am just feeling very vulnerable and sad. I can’t sleep and I want to cry.
 
NFP1Kate said:
With my (rather sudden) recent doubt, I feel like I am failing the Church, and I also feel like the Church has failed me. :crying:
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I dont think you are the only one who feels like this. Catholic countries in Europe have low birth rates. For example Italy has the 2nd lowest in the western world. This I think would indicate a gap between the official teaching of the Church and the actual practice of the majority of its members. Not wishing to stir things, but I think this is the reality of the situation regarding birth control. Take care and God bless.
 
Thanks Dave B. I wont ever use abc. I really am devout. I am just feeling very very mislead by my own Church.

We have three children and will gladly have more in the future. I just need some time and I thought we were doing so well.
 
NFP1Kate said:
Thanks Dave B. I wont ever use abc. I really am devout. I am just feeling very very mislead by my own Church.

We have three children and will gladly have more in the future. I just need some time and I thought we were doing so well.
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I am soooooo sorry :(:(😦
 
NFP1Kate said:
I suddenly feel like I am floundering in faith. I had been married for three years before realizing that part of the Church’s teaching on natural family planning is that the couple must have a grave reason to avoid pregnancy.

Even after attending two per-marital counseling sessions with a priest, a weekend long Engaged Encounter, the FOCCUS test, and two additional marital counseling required by our Church and Archdioceses…this little fact was left out. They briefly mentioned that NFP was Church teaching, but that was the end of the entire discussion. Taking it an absurd step further- the priest at our Engaged Encounter encouraged couples to “shop around” to find a lenient priest on sexual issues.As far as I was concerned, NFP was just the way Catholic families lived (if they bothered to do it at all). It was part of the Catholic lifestyle.
I feel horrible, like I was allowed to enter into a vocation under false per-tenses. How can the Church not tell this to a young couple preparing for marriage? And now, to hear that NFP couples are sinning when they enjoy sexual activity outside of vaginal intercourse…it is more than I can bear.

With my (rather sudden) recent doubt, I feel like I am failing the Church, and I also feel like the Church has failed me. :crying:
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You are right to feel this way. It is simply unconscionable how badly the Church is failing to prepare people for the duties and rigors of a good, sound Catholic life.

Note that I said the failure is on the Church’s part – not yours. (Especially the obscene bit you relate of being told to “shop around” for a renegade priest! The mere saying of that is probably mortally sinful on the part of the speaker!)

For myself, I am still unsure what constitutes “grave reasons.” I have inklings but I cannot verify them and I am confident that no two priests would give me the same answer if I asked.
 
Humane Vitae gives an idea of what “serious reasons” refers too:
With regard to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised by those who prudently and generously decide to have more children, and by those who, for serious reasons and with due respect to moral precepts, decide not to have additional children for either a certain or an indefinite period of time.
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If therefore there are well-grounded reasons for spacing births, arising from the physical or psychological condition of husband or wife, or from external circumstances, the Church teaches that married people may then take advantage of the natural cycles immanent in the reproductive system and engage in marital intercourse only during those times that are infertile, thus controlling birth in a way which does not in the least offend the moral principles which We have just explained. (20)
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Humane Vitae
vatican.va/holy_father/paul_vi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae_en.html
 
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