Lost in the desert

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MaryandJoseph

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I believe in God…Father Son and Holy Spirit

I believe in One Holy Catholic Apostolic Church and all she teaches

I believe these to be true but ONLY in my brain (and commen sense based on reason) but I seem to find myself on a very long desert journey right now. Prayer is so dry for me that I have all but given up on it. Mass no longer holds that same AWE and sense of the Sacred as it did before. I no longer pray the Rosary which has always been my most favorite and beneficial devotional prayer aid.

My priest, when I took my concerns to him about this, said only “Welcome to the club”.🤷

I have a real fear of loosing my faith entirely (I am a former atheist) and feel like I have lost my direction.

Any advice on reading material that may help me find a path OUT of this desert I have been in for close to a year now?

I know that we all have to travel through the desert every now and then, but my greatest fear is that I will be sooooo lost I revert back to my atheist days (Please God, don’t let that happen to me).
 
If you can get and read a copy of “Dark Night of the Soul” by St. John of the Cross I would recommend it.

St. John of the Cross explains that when we are babies our Mother gives us all of her sweetness of her milk but in order that we may mature we are eventually cut off from that and told to stand on our own. Our Mother does this out of love and out of a desire that we may become well developed people and so does the Heavenly Father.

He nourishes us in our life as beginners with great satisfaction in prayer and great emotional feelings in all of this. Eventually, that we may love Him for Him and not for those feelings we are cut off. This is referred to as the purgation of the sense. What follows the purgation of the sense is something even fewer experience, the purgation of the spirit. These two kinds of dark nights for a soul are stages one goes through to have one’s will be truly in union with God’s.

Above all, keep praying. Prayer is more pleasing to God in times like these. If a friend does for you something you know they wanted to do anyway, you are pleased, but if a friend does for you something you know they might rather not, you know they did it out of love. If you keep praying, you will not fall into atheism as you fear. God will give you the encouragement that you need from time to time so that this does not happen.

If you are in a state of grace and feel as you are feeling it is possible that you are in a purgation of the senses.
 
Try to not rely on feelings during this time… rely only on your will. You will only lose faith if you choose to, with your will. Faith is not an emotion!! 🙂

ask God to give you all the grace you need… NO MATTER WHAT don’t give up going to Mass and praying, even if you feel nothing. Many of the Saints went through a time when not only did they feel dryness during prayer, but they suffered…yet still prayed.

When you come out of this, your faith will be much stronger, not weaker, because you will be less reliant on feelings… but try to accept this as God’s will right now and try your absolute best to follow Him regardless of how you feel.

I believe God is really pleased with our prayers during times of dryness 🙂 (though we are not).

Don’t lose trust, He is always with you…

God bless
 
Monica4316 said:
Try to not rely on feelings during this time… rely only on your will. You will only lose faith if you choose to, with your will. Faith is not an emotion!! 🙂
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The above is excellent advice. Another short book/devotional you might read is “Abandonment to divine Providence” by Fr Jean Pierre de Caussade. It can be read online at the link below. The letters of spiritual direction included in this version may prove to be very helpful also.

“If all that happens to a soul abandoned to God is all that is necessary for it, then we can understand that nothing can be wanting to it, and that it should never pity itself, for this would be a want of faith and living according to reason and the senses which are never satisfied, as they cannot perceive the sufficiency of grace possessed by the soul.”

ccel.org/ccel/decaussade/abandonment.iii.html
 
we all go through that, it’s something God does to us on purpose to test us, although some are “in the desert” much longer, but when God does take away those spiritual consolations, He’s testing you to see, mostly for yourself, if it’s Him you love, or these feelings,

personally i am content either way, whether i have spiritual consolation or not, i am thankful when i do, and accepting when i don’t, but at peace either way, because it is God we should be fixated on, not our own pleasures, but instead what pleases God,
“the Lord giveth, and the Lord takest away” as Job said, all belongs to God, we deserve nothing, and God owes us nothing, but whatever God gives or takes, is always only out of love for us, God only allows good or bad things in our lives because He sees the good that will come from it, all works towards His divine plan,
just as the quote in my signature says, "Prayer is the lifting of our hearts and minds to God. For no matter what we’re saying, we’re asking, “Do you love me?”
And no matter how He answers, He’s saying, “Yes, I do.”
God knows all, and we are very ignorant, we must trust in Him,

your best bet is, keep praying, show God that you will remain faithful even until the end,
and then just talk to Him, when you are feeling overwhelmed or alone, ask God “please take this from me” and He will,
it’s actually kind of dangerous to get to attached to those good feelings, as you can see from your own experience,
and if you must be in the desert a little while longer, at least spend that time learning to love Jesus, by reading about Him and praying for the grace to love Him more, so when you come out of the desert, it will be Jesus you are fixated on, and not these passing feelings, and then next time this happens, it won’t disturb you so much,
just keep asking yourself this question each time you feel tempted to just give it all up, “who do i really love, God, or His consolations?”
and then throughout the day, just say little acts of love, like “Jesus i love You” or “Jesus, help me to forget myself, and think only of You, to die to myself, and live in You.”
or whatever you want to say really, just poor your heart out to Jesus, and He will poor His graces onto you.

i think i have something that will help you though,
directionforourtimes.com/onlinevolumes.html
directionforourtimes.com/onlinelibrary.html
read those, doesn’t have to be in any particular order.

ok, hope this helps, tc.
 
The devil would very much want you to give up when you have no feelings.

That is the time to make acts of faith, hope, and love! The Lord will use this “dry” time to strengthen your faith.

The good feelings are called “consolations.” The Lord wants us to grow spiritually mature and so he allows us to be without them for a time. Just hang in there with prayer and sacraments, and He will give you a deeper peace in Him, and will console you when He sees fit. Trust Him!
 
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