Lost one

[GaryClarke1981]

Having lost a very close relative and seeing my father go through losing his mother to Cancer. I seem to be losing my grasp on many things. The main thing that is really bugging me is certain words seem to have lost all meaning,
Self respect
Happiness
Kindness
love
all seem to have no meaning anymore.i feel physically strong but mentally im weak and I feel cold and empty inside.

I never really bothered with religion. (how i got away with it being from an Irish family, ill never know) but since my fiance fell pregnant with our first child we have tried to go 3 times a month. my son is now 3 and i have been attanding church very regulary. I want my Children to grow up to be as disciplined,as my parents were and i think that its great for our family to share going to church.

The only problem is that i always seem to be holding my son or daughter on my lap which sort of turns my attentions from the service. I feel that i cant talk to our priest as he is quite stern and i feel slightly embarresed asking him about my problems as i feel that it may have an effect on my son entering the church’s school. i am desperate for a bit of guidance and i was wondering if anyone could maybe send me a few prayers or maybe give me a few quotes from the bible to help me get back on my feet. i would be eternally gratefull

Deepest thanks
Gary

 

[Lazerlike42]

Gark, I’ll be praying for you, as well as discerning precisely what I ought to say.

Peace and God bless

 

[teachccd]

Having lost a very close relative and seeing my father go through losing his mother to Cancer. I seem to be losing my grasp on many things. The main thing that is really bugging me is certain words seem to have lost all meaning,
Self respect
Happiness
Kindness
love
all seem to have no meaning anymore.i feel physically strong but mentally im weak and I feel cold and empty inside.

Gary

That is EXACTLY how I felt almost nine years ago when I lost my dad. BUT it was that event that stirred me and now I am a Master Catechist with the LA Archdiocese and am very active in ministry. You could have never told me that I would be transformed in this way at that time.

I mainly lost the sense of love. I didn’t want to believe that a God who could love me would take away my loved ones. I lost the sense of wanting to love even my closest family at the risk of losing one of them again. I was in a spiritual mess. But NOTHING is too complex for our God and now I know why I needed to go through this.

My prayers are definitely with you and keep moving forward if not but just one minute at a time. Right now this all seems serile and words are just words. I know. I’ve been there and also know that I’ll be there again but next time with a sense of growth…God Bless…teachccd

 

[Lazerlike42]

Having lost a very close relative and seeing my father go through losing his mother to Cancer. I seem to be losing my grasp on many things. The main thing that is really bugging me is certain words seem to have lost all meaning,
Self respect
Happiness
Kindness
love
all seem to have no meaning anymore.i feel physically strong but mentally im weak and I feel cold and empty inside.

Gary,

I really want to help you out here, but I really don’t know what to say. I’m responding in the hopes that I might at least let you realize someone does indeed care.

I have experienced the sort of feelings you are going through right now, if not for the same reasons or reasons of the same weight. I lost someone very close to me, whom I was planning on marrying. Now I didn’t lose her to death, so it is not the same, but the feelings were similar. I was left to spend an entire summer alone in my basement, in a home with a family from whom I had not felt love in a great while.

I didn’t know how to be happy, nor how to feel love. Ultimately, my experience led me to a closer and deeper relationship with God, and ultimately to happiness. If I had any advice, I can tell you that my situation started to improve when I stopped praying for specific things in the hopes of finding happiness, but instead simply said, “God, make me happy, however You want to do it.” That was not easy to do, and at the beginning I would often sneak in things like, “Make me happy in Your way. I’d like it to be X, Y, and Z if that’s Your Will, but let it be Your way if I’m wrong.” Eventually, I dropped that and simply asked for His means for my happiness. That’s how it turned around.

Slowly I started to find happiness, and to walk in God’s ways instead of my own. It was very good. There were times I suffered tremendously and simply wanted a hug, and I one one occassion, I asked Mary, as my mother, to give me a hug. I don’t know how to explain it but I felt as if someone was indeed hugging me. It helped tremendously, so make her a big part of it. Treat her as you may have your mother, or some other person you trust or trusted in life, someone you somehow would trust even when you were convinced everything was sour.

The truth is that the sort of situation you’re in is the kind that only our faith can answer. Millions of people go to the graves of lost loved ones each year and talk to them, most without any real reason behind it, half of them believing they’re really just talking to themselves. Our faith is from God, however! He knows the human heart, our needs and our desires. The faith He has given us is designed perfectly for us, and we for it. Our faith is one that teaches that our lost loved ones need not be lost, and that we can truly communicate with them over the breach of death.

Our faith also recognizes the deep reality of suffering, and it gives tremendous dignity to that suffering. The two greatest figures in our faith, Jesus and Mary, each suffered tremendously, and by their suffering they dignified and sanctified suffering itself. Suffering needn’t be in vain, nor need it be anything to be ashamed of. When we suffer, we are there at the cross with Jesus and with Mary, either bearing the pain ourselves or bearing the pain of watching a loved one suffer, or of losing a loved one.

Our God is a God Who knows what it is like to suffer. He hung on the cross, and He wept when Lazarus died. He emphatically destroyed the power of death and gives us the Resurrection, and while we await it, He can comfort us because He has experienced our pain Himself.

He has made our suffering meaningful in giving it value. When we do have faith and offer our suffering to Jesus, our suffering is not in vain, but it is meritorious. It is a prayer, the strongest of all prayers, made on behalf of our loved ones and those for whom we give our suffering to God.

The only problem is that i always seem to be holding my son or daughter on my lap which sort of turns my attentions from the service. I feel that i cant talk to our priest as he is quite stern and i feel slightly embarresed asking him about my problems as i feel that it may have an effect on my son entering the church’s school. i am desperate for a bit of guidance and i was wondering if anyone could maybe send me a few prayers or maybe give me a few quotes from the bible to help me get back on my feet. i would be eternally gratefull

Deepest thanks
Gary

This may not be so. I work in a church and have also been involved with many, many priests throughout the diocese, and I can tell you that they are just as human as anybody. They often present a stern image at the pulpit, but they can be filled with kindness and compassion when dealing with people apart from that. He may truly be stern, but it is no guarantee, and it would be well worth it to consider talking with him.

If you’d like a Bible verse, I’d just give you John 11:35: “Jesus wept.”

I’ll continue to pray for you,

Peace and God bless

 

[fhansen]

Faith is what makes it all work. I lost my mother over one year ago to ALS which is an awful disease but she never stopped believing-I don’t think I heard her complain once. Between her faith and mine and the rest of our families’, her passing was more inspirational than the other way around. The loss is real but so is the knowledge that it is not the end of the story. I’ll pray for you but I would suggest seeking God on your own as well, even if you resist it inside, to see what He has to say on the matter. He’ll respond. Pray and read scripture.

**“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”
** Hebrews 11:1

 

[GaryClarke1981]

Thanks Guys!! I managed to speak to the priest on Sunday and he was very helpfull. I’ll admit he was very compasionate.

Its nearly been a year since my Nan passed and i think its just the greaving process kicking in now.

I’ve not really spoke to anyone about it and sort of bottled everything up.

After speaking to the priest, I approached my mother and like Laz I think just a cuddle and the oppurtunity to talk about it really helped.

I think maybe I hit out at God, because deep down I thought I’d rather hurt God than hurt others that may still be greaving around me. And in a strange way I thought that bringing up my nan in conversation, would hurt others around me.

It looks like I really under estimated the greaving process and was to busy to greave myself. I seem to have had a very productive spiritual weekend and although the light at the end of the tunnel is the size of a pinhead, ''at least theres light!!!