Love IS Blind!

[EuropeanTravel]

My husband and I need some suggestions, PLEASE! We recently found out that our daughter asked her boyfriend (a self-proclaimed Agnostic and very liberal) to live with her in her condo (she pays for rent/food/heat etc…). Many of her girlfriends are either engaged or recently married and she feels desperate that time is running out for her and any chances of ever getting married. She attended Catholic schools from K-8 and attended church regularly until she went to college. Our family is very conservative and attends church regularly so her choice of this particular young man is very upsetting to us, considering her background. We realize that she is old enough to make her own decisions/suffer any consequences but it is very hard for us to accept her decisions and life-style. The entire family has talked with her (she asked) but she went ahead and continued this relationship anyway. Our disappointment is HUGE. How do we deal with this? I do not feel comfortable around her boyfriend…and feel very ill-at-ease at the thought of her insisting on bringing him along for family celebrations and holidays knowing, in particular, that he is agnostic. He has told her if they do get married he would not participate in bringing any children up as Catholics-that would be her job. She is a professional and earns a wonderful salary…he is employed and very tight-fisted. On their first date, he asked her how much she made!!! So, she already had her doubts. HELP!

 

[jesuspsr]

Welcome to CAF
I’m terrible in the advise area, but good in prayer.
Praying for you and your famiy including her boy friend.

God bless

 

[BlueEyedLady]

The way you phrased it you made it sound like she was just moving forward with him because she’s afraid her time is running out to find someone. My guess is that she didn’t say that, you just assumed that’s the only reason she would be with him. That’s a dangerous assumption and will only put a wedge between you and your daughter.

You cannot shun him. If you tell her that you would love to see her over Thanksgiving but that she needs to leave him at home she will stay home with him. Feeling uncomfortable having him over because of his lack of religion is a little much. And if you do treat him this way and she does marry him then your relationship with her and their children will not be a close one, if it exists at all. You really don’t want to treat someone who could very well be the father of your grandchildren poorly. From the sounds of it he’s never done anything to you or your family, you just don’t like that he isn’t religious.

We don’t get to choose who we get as in-laws any more than we get to choose the family that we are born into. But as with our blood relatives we do have to do our best to get along with them and treat them well for the sake of the family.

 

[VirtusTransitus]

Ask honest, reflective respectful questions and do not challenge her answers, but let them sit. She’ll continue ruminating over them.

As BEL says, you don’t want to guarantee a rough relationship with a potential son-in-law and/or the father of grandkids. So treat him with respect and dignity, make him feel welcome. But don’t change who you are to accomodate his views. Fine line.

When I get to worrying like this, the best advice I get from folks here and elsewhere is the let it go and trust in God. So, I give that advice to you. Trust God, trust you daughter.

And pray!