Love the sinner, despise the sin

[MotherandwifeA]

I posted this in the wrong forum first. I apologize, it was my first posting. I did not realize “Family Life” would be better suited for my question and need for advice. I did get a few good responses back in the other forum.
When I have been faced in the past with a person who lies, cheats or steals, I have prayed for that person, attempted to assist them and if they refuse to change their ways or consistently relapse to sin I have distanced myself from them but continue to pray for them. What do you do when it is your son-in-law? He will not allow my daughter or granddaughter to speak with me unless I “respect” him. I do not wish to watch as he beats my daughter, lies, steals or worse, yet I don’t wish to severe ties to my young daughter (18). I have given this young man two years of assistance, guidance to assistance and been sadly disappointed over and over. My daughter does not recognize the abusive relationship. He has severed almost all friends and family from her. I am at a loss. I want to love the sinner but it is hard to continually be hurt emotionally, financially and more My daughter has a civil marriage, not the sacrament. The husband is not Catholic and has started and quit RCIA twice. Yes, the authorities were called. A protection order was done. My daughter was convinced by his mother to give him another chance. My daughter met this boy at her first afterschool job. Within two month of meeting him she was pregnant and ran off to marry him without my husband or my consent. When she met him we tried to discourage her from dating him since he had dropped out of school, had been in trouble with the law, was not catholic and did not follow social norms we accepted. When she announced she was pregnant we hoped she would wait to marry or possibly give the baby for adoption. They have lived with more than five families of his relatives until each time his being fired (15 jobs in 2 years) or stealing from the family.

 

[dsproule]

Protect your daughter and grandchild. GET THEM OUT! If they don’t want to get help from a professional, you have to shake them up. If you daughter is failing to see that she is hurting her child by staying with him in all these houses, maybe you should call DCFS (Department of Child and Family Services).
I live in Detroit. Every night on the tv there is someone getting killed or a child being abused and it sickens me. I don’t have the answers, but I do know that leaving this situation to fix itself, isn’t the right one. I will pray for you.

 

[Island_Oak]

It would seem that theft and dishonesty are the lesser of your concerns. You can’t afford to cut your daughter out of your life because it might mean the end of hers and your grandchild’s. Pray all you want for him, but PLEASE get busy with some more tangible intervention. That your daughter “doesn’t recognize the abusive relationship” is beyond me, but enlist the help of a physician, priest, or counsellor to provide a 3d party opinion about the danger she has placed herself in. If she feels she has options and security with you, she may be more inclinded to leave this horrible situation. Do not rest or allow this situation to escalate.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

For the record, I agree with the other posters about looking toward active intervention. As unpleasant as that is, there comes a time when it might be necessary. From what you describe, this could be one of those times. I didn’t talk about it before because I was confident others would make that point.

Alan

 

[mom_of_3_boys]

Before I met my husband, I was in a very abusive relationship. I was beaten, spit on, choked, thrown out of a moving vehicle, & lots of other things I don’t want to go into.
It would have meant THE WORLD to me if someone would have intervened & gotten me out of there. I stayed for 3 years, and the abuse only got worse. Thank God I didn’t have a child with that person. I would hate to have a child around to witness the abuse & think that it’s normal. It is one thing if your daughter chooses to be with an abusive person, but she should NOT put her child in that kind of a situation.
I understand the husband cutting off all her ties to family, friends, etc.
That happened to me, too. Threats of killing my family, etc. Please help her in whatever way you can. At least get the grandchild out of there.
I will be praying for your daughter. She is so young & has her whole life ahead of her. I never realized it while I was w/that person. You can’t think that far ahead or don’t think you deserve better. My life is SO much better now. I will pray for her to be safe & do the right thing. My heart goes out to you!

 

[mom_of_3_boys]

P.S.
Is there somewhere she could move to? Some family in another state that she could stay with for a while? It took me a while to see what a bad situation I was in. I had to be far away from him before I could think clearly & be safe!

 

[LSK]

mom of 3 boys:

P.S.
Is there somewhere she could move to? Some family in another state that she could stay with for a while? It took me a while to see what a bad situation I was in. I had to be far away from him before I could think clearly & be safe!

YOU ARE A WONDERFULLY BLESSED WOMAN OF WISDOM!!!

I just wanted you to know that - and I think everyone here is on the button.

You have got to get her OUT…before you bury the both of them.

 

[space_ghost]

Re: Love the sinner, despise the sin…

…this is the disclaimer/license to usually say hurtful things about people that don’t drive the way you do…

 

[mom_of_3_boys]

Thank you very much. It just makes me sick to the stomach knowing what this girl could be going through. I’d do anything in my power to help a person out of a situation like that. Maybe she needs to talk personally w/someone who HAS experienced what she’s going through.