First, let me say that I have a WONDERFUL husband. He annoys me some times.
But once you are in a truly Christian relationship, it does set the bar very high, doesn’t it?
For me, at least, it makes me long for what is right and holy.
Now, as for you…
Your question made me smile because the relationship Christ has with his Church is so beautiful and so self-giving, and it is the example he set for us in marriage. To share this joy and peace with you would be my privelege. I will seek out threads to refer you to shortly.
As for the questions, I ask you these:
- Are you currently called to marriage?
- If yes, then why are you not doing that which the Lord asks you by seeking out the partner you can create this family life with?
- If no, what it is that you are called to that you are not putting your focus into while you are instead dating without the intention of marriage?
- What would the young man’s responses be to these questions concerning YOU?
- Is he even currently called to marriage?
- Do you bring him closer to the Lord?
- Is the current state of your relationship how he envisions marriage?
I know that there are a number of very fine looking priests who were romantically linked–even engaged–to women before they entered the seminary. No doubt these women would have been very blessed to have such wonderful men as husbands. But what of the men’s callings to the priesthood? Your answers only provide HALF of the picture. It might be great timing for YOU, but if it is not so for HIM, then can you take on all the responsibility? No. Both must come together willingly after true discernment that it is the Lord’s will for their lives. In situations such as yours, when all is great on your side, it is one of those “Maaaaaaan. That stinks.” kinds of times.
As for being attracted to goodness, yes… and no. We are attracted to those people who shine the light of Christ for us (or, at least, if we are in-tune with what God wants, we should be). This is a true and holy love. It is better summed up in the word RESPECT than attracted. We love Christ, who the person is emulating for us. However, sexual/romantic attraction is not a logical conclusion. If that were the case, there would be a great many saints who would not be able to do their work for the people lining up outside their doors wishing to marry them! By this, I do not mean that it was wrong of you to be romantically attracted to him, especially for his devoutness to the Truth. One would hope that your future spouse would hold such an attribute! However, such attraction is also frequently misplaced. Ask any counselor, teacher, or other person in a position of helping a person through an emotional time, and you will hear how common it is for the person to have romantic feelings for the helper.
When we marry, we make a commitment to another, as well as to Christ and his church, about how we will live for the rest of our days here on earth. We commit to being in a family unit. To being open to new life. To always giving of ourselves.
If you, or this man, either one, are not in a position to make this sort of commitment, then the real issue is what is it that God is calling you to instead?
I’ll be back later with the links I promised above.
homewardangel:
Thank you for your reply. I really like your questions, it gives me something to think about. I can’t say that I expected marriage from this man anyway. I just truly love his friendship, but I don’t think that it is meant to be.
I suppose that my problem is that when looking at your questions, with him it is all of the correct answers. (Except for question #3 and #8 which only because we don’t have a “romantic” relationship.) So since he has all of the serious things in line its like he ruined me for other “run of the mill” guys. Good guys are very, very hard to find.
I think too that when there is goodness in a person you would be attracted to them - right??
One of your questions I don’t understand. Question #7, you say that the relationship that Christ has with the church reflects what a husband and wife’s relationship should be. What does that mean? What kind of relationship does Christ have with the church?
Thanks
