Loveless in a seven year marriage

[Trishie]

I’m sorry, dear suffering wife…that’s off the point for you. Your difficulties and suffering are very great, and you are in my prayers.
Bless you, Trishie
:hug1:

 

[jmcrae]

I’m outta here - it’s getting a bit too drippy in here for my tastes.

 

[GratefulDad]

Alcoholism is a desease, according to the American Medical Association.It is not a misunderstood condition, it is not a condition, it is a very sad disease. The reason for the disease again according to The American Medical Association., and many other sources it that there is a misswiring in the brain, it is chemical, There is no other reason behind it. Now the fact that Alcoholism stunts the emotional and the maturity of the said drinkers brain they act out in all the negative and hurtfull ways. I’m sorry but your take on Alcoholism is what makes it so misunderstood.

Not to hijack the thread but I have Irish blood in several places in my family. Statically people of Irish decent have high rates of alcoholism. Out of dozens and dozens of relatives with this Irish blood line only two with any alcohol issues. Is this a disease because it is born of bacteria or viruses or is it a disease because someone generated enough statistics and numbers at it. We all know that statistics can be twisted and manipulated. This makes for great circular logic and unending political correctness.

 

[colormw]

Please do not attack me…I don’t know everything about alcoholism, but I’m trying to share my thoughts–and be understanding as I see it. My question to you though is…are you saying that alcoholics have no control over their actions, then? That the acting out, is out of their control? Again, asking a question…trying to understand

I do believe that it’s a sad disease…I used the word condition…I apologize. There is no need to attack, though.

Sorry if it sounded like I was attacking you, I was just trying to explain to you about Alcoholism.

Once an Alcoholic picks up a drink they cannot gaurentee what they will do or how they will act. An active drunk even if he is not drinking can be a nasty SOB because the drink is still in their system. There is some kind of chemical imbalance in the brain like I said. There are actual cat scans picture somewhere If I can find them I will post it. When an Alcoholic drinks something in the brain is different from a Non addictive person. It just acts differently, so yes an Alcoholic cannot control what will happen. The only way that one can lead a functioning life is to totally abstain. An Alcoholic cannot pick up a drink. Alcoholism is a heredity disease it usually runs in families. So whatever problems an Alky has comes directly from being one, there are no underling things that are causing it. That is not to say that a lot of them have other problems from their chilhood, but they are no more different that what some non Alky’s suffer. Just that an Alky exagerats those problems because he cannot control his drinking.

Hope that helped!

 

[colormw]

Please do not attack me…I don’t know everything about alcoholism, but I’m trying to share my thoughts–and be understanding as I see it. My question to you though is…are you saying that alcoholics have no control over their actions, then? That the acting out, is out of their control? Again, asking a question…trying to understand

I do believe that it’s a sad disease…I used the word condition…I apologize. There is no need to attack, though.

Sorry if it sounded like I was attacking you, I was just trying to explain to you about Alcoholism.

Once an Alcoholic picks up a drink they cannot gaurentee what they will do or how they will act. An active drunk even if he is not drinking can be a nasty SOB because the drink is still in their system. There is some kind of chemical imbalance in the brain like I said. There are actual cat scans picture somewhere If I can find them I will post it. When an Alcoholic drinks something in the brain is different from a Non addictive person. It just acts differently, so yes an Alcoholic cannot control what will happen. The only way that one can lead a functioning life is to totally abstain. An Alcoholic cannot pick up a drink. Alcoholism is a heredity disease it usually runs in families. So whatever problems an Alky has comes directly from being one, there are no underling things that are causing it. That is not to say that a lot of them have other problems from their chilhood, but they are no more different that what some non Alky’s suffer. Just that an Alky exagerats those problems because he cannot control his drinking.

Hope that helped!

 

[St_Francis]

JenRick,
I think the idea of your going to AlAnon would be very helpful to you. I also think the idea of your doing something to make things more confortable at home for your husband is also good, without in any way implying that it is your fault. Your post really shows a lot of pain, but also that you overall don’t really want your marriage to end.

I had a lot of troubles in my marriage. For one thing, I tended to be very bossy, esp about the children. It was a huge thing for me to learn to back off and let my husband have his own relationship with them.

We went through a bad period where we weren’t really talking with each other. Now we don’t really talk that much, because it’s not my husband’s thing—all that *girl *stuff, iyswim. But we joke around, we talk about different things, it’s very different.

it sounds like your husband is under a lot of stress, what with working and studying both. I’m not saying you’re not, but men are odd. They don’t seem to deal with stress the same way women do.

I’d try to look at how he used to express love to you. Did he touch you a lot, did he want to spend time with you, did he do a lot of things for you, did he buy you gifts? (if you have read the 5 love languages book, you’ll recognize these if I got them right) Whatever he used to do, you do with him. Like if he used to do little things for you, do little things for him, like setting up the coffee machine for him so he won’t have to start from scratch in the morning. If he bought you gifts, buy him gifts. be very casual about the whole thing.

I know that will probably seem totally crazy: you have 6 children, one of whom is a baby, but it is what worked for me. Your husband is still there, you still have a chance. I think that men have a harder time “seeing” love when they are under stress.

 

[whatevergirl]

Sorry if it sounded like I was attacking you, I was just trying to explain to you about Alcoholism.

Once an Alcoholic picks up a drink they cannot gaurentee what they will do or how they will act. An active drunk even if he is not drinking can be a nasty SOB because the drink is still in their system. There is some kind of chemical imbalance in the brain like I said. There are actual cat scans picture somewhere If I can find them I will post it. When an Alcoholic drinks something in the brain is different from a Non addictive person. It just acts differently, so yes an Alcoholic cannot control what will happen. The only way that one can lead a functioning life is to totally abstain. An Alcoholic cannot pick up a drink. Alcoholism is a heredity disease it usually runs in families. So whatever problems an Alky has comes directly from being one, there are no underling things that are causing it. That is not to say that a lot of them have other problems from their chilhood, but they are no more different that what some non Alky’s suffer. Just that an Alky exagerats those problems because he cannot control his drinking.

Hope that helped!

He can’t control his drinking, once he/she takes the first drink, you mean, then, right? Yes, I have known alcoholics, and some are in our families, and that was something they said, as well. Thanks for explaining.

 

[Katie1723]

To the OP, I am sorry for all you are going thru. What I don’t understand is your thinking that a child will hold things together. That is just something I can’t fathom…making a child responsible for a marriage that isn’t working in the first place.

kathy