Loving girlfriend! Woo! Chastity, ARGGHHH!

[Layp3rs0n]

I’m just about 32, she’s turning 37. I’ll start out by saying we didn’t have a chaste start but we are both Catholic and both attend mass, go to confession, receive the Blessed Sacrament, and after a discussion early on we decided we are not going to fool around anymore. We both want to be pure in the sight of God and pray for his blessing. We may get engaged fairly soon (within the next six months or so), and we are DETERMINED to not sin again but pray for each other instead, to not enter into near occasions to sin, etc. We have discussed engagement and NFP and starting a family with possibly lots of babies in a potential marriage. In short we are on board with chastity and living in God’s will for us. But the unending temptation for both of us! We are holding our ground, we are doing okay and haven’t faltered yet in our determination. It is so dang hard in this day in age to live chastely. You got your brain and the evil one constantly yelling “Ask her to wear something low cut or a short skirt, you’ll be in public, nothing can happen in public. Oh, a quick kiss on the lips? You can kiss her longer than a tiny smooch. You’re in love, it’s okay. And look how pretty she is. She thinks you’re handsome too. I know what she’d like…” And on and on and on! Satan. Never. Shuts. Up. I have heard it said that Satan will do everything he can to get you to have sex with your girlfriend and everything he can to keep you from sex with your wife. Please pray God continue to strengthen us. Thank God, for marriage also being a cure for concupiscence. This is a battle, I recognize. This is way to prove our love for God. Pray we make it.

 

[Xantippe]

I’m just about 32, she’s turning 37. I’ll start out by saying we didn’t have a chaste start but we are both Catholic and both attend mass, go to confession, receive the Blessed Sacrament, and after a discussion early on we decided we are not going to fool around anymore. We both want to be pure in the sight of God and pray for his blessing. We may get engaged fairly soon (within the next six months or so), and we are DETERMINED to not sin again but pray for each other instead, to not enter into near occasions to sin, etc. We have discussed engagement and NFP and starting a family with possibly lots of babies in a potential marriage. In short we are on board with chastity and living in God’s will for us. But the unending temptation for both of us! We are holding our ground, we are doing okay and haven’t faltered yet in our determination. It is so dang hard in this day in age to live chastely. You got your brain and the evil one constantly yelling “Ask her to wear something low cut or a short skirt, you’ll be in public, nothing can happen in public. Oh, a quick kiss on the lips? You can kiss her longer than a tiny smooch. You’re in love, it’s okay. And look how pretty she is. She thinks you’re handsome too. I know what she’d like…” And on and on and on! Satan. Never. Shuts. Up. I have heard it said that Satan will do everything he can to get you to have sex with your girlfriend and everything he can to keep you from sex with your wife. Please pray God continue to strengthen us. Thank God, for marriage also being a cure for concupiscence. This is a battle, I recognize. This is way to prove our love for God. Pray we make it.

How long have you guys been dating?

 

[Rose71]

I’ll pray for you! This was me last year (except I never thought about by now-husband in short skirts )

We managed (hooray!) and if it’s any help to you, here’s what its meant for me:

1. Nobody, but nobody can take away the fact that we did it! Or rather, we didn’t do it 'til after the wedding. It’s given me confidence in areas of my life I wouldn’t have connected staying chaste with. I’ve got a much more ‘can-do’ approach to life these days, because I know that we’ve achieved something incredibly special and now other tasks that involve willpower and not being afraid to stick to my beliefs seem easier.
2. Husband and I really are a team. He was the first man I was able to admit to that, actually, I rather enjoy being Catholic; I believe in the rules of the Church and I feel they give me security and freedom to be me - rather than being oppressive and restrictive, as the media would lead us to believe. When I found a man who understood what I was trying to say and was man enough to admit he felt the same, I knew in my heart we were going places!
3. Satan tried everything and he knows where to hit you where it hurts! I was plagued by feelings along the lines of “if you are able to resist sleeping with him, you don’t really love him and it’s not fair marrying him because he deserves better than you!” Thank God I didn’t listen. Eventually I figured out that what I was really afraid of was my own shortcomings and in the months leading up to the wedding I (metaphorically speaking) grew a backbone and grew up!
4. One of my closest friends gave me a pep-talk when I was at a bit of a low and what she said is SO true! Basically, staying chaste and living apart before marriage means you have proved your trust for one another. You have demonstrated absolute faith in each other that you will both honour the commitment of marriage. This means sex can indeed be fun because you’re in it together and nothing ‘depends’ on putting on a show of amazing gymnastics and screaming orgasms - your spouse has already chosen you and you can lie back and enjoy getting to grips with how to enjoy amazing sex in your own time, safe in the knowlegde that you are not being judged.
5. When you are blessed with children, you will be able to look them in the eye and say, “yes! we managed!”

Best of luck to both of you. From a woman’s perspective, there is nothing more attractive than a man with convictions and morals who isn’t afraid to do the right thing. God bless you both

 

[marymary1975]

I was also in a similar situation a few years ago before marrying my now husband and I totally agree with what Rose 71! Another thing that I would add to what she said in her #1 is that it also gave me a strong sense of trust in my husband which is vital in a marriage. If he was able to manage and control himself to save himself for marriage, then I can trust that he will be faithful to me and make good decisions after marriage because he already showed me that he can. His friends usually get surprised that we trust each other so much and I thin that being successful in chastity played a big role on that. And I agree that nothing makes a man more attractive than having good morals and fight to do the right thing

 

[Xantippe]

I was also in a similar situation a few years ago before marrying my now husband and I totally agree with what Rose 71! Another thing that I would add to what she said in her #1 is that it also gave me a strong sense of trust in my husband which is vital in a marriage. If he was able to manage and control himself to save himself for marriage, then I can trust that he will be faithful to me and make good decisions after marriage because he already showed me that he can. His friends usually get surprised that we trust each other so much and I thin that being successful in chastity played a big role on that. And I agree that nothing makes a man more attractive than having good morals and fight to do the right thing

Yes.

See also this thread:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=952704

 

[Buck_Crosswhite]

Get married soon!

 

[E_7]

From a woman’s perspective, there is nothing more attractive than a man with convictions and morals who isn’t afraid to do the right thing. God bless you both

I second this. Never gets old.

 

[Convert_in_99]

God bless you for your efforts! I wish my husband and I succeeded but we didn’t

I do caution you with your statement that marriage is a cure for concupisence.

Sex in marriage is a beautiful wonderful thing and well worth the wait. But it’s not a given. Sure there will be times (especially in the beginning) where you will have sex almost every day. But as the relationship progresses and time moves on there will be plenty of opportunities for chastity once again. NFP, after childbirth, babies/young children, sickness, extended sickness, surgeries, hospital stays, wife taking medicine that is harmful to a potential baby, business trips, drafting/deployment, old age, sudden inability to engage in relations, and even periods of tension and discord within the marriage itself. These weeks and months will test your endurance and strength, just as your being tested now. Not only will you be tempted with situations like masturbation, suddenly you will notice pretty girls everywhere. At work, on the Internet, at church. And they will like you and try to flirt with you and you will have to stand firm in your morals just as you are now. Oh it’s only thinking about them, not like I’m doing anything…sound familiar? This isn’t a test and you get the prize when you get married. Yes in a way that’s true, but you will need all those spiritual muscles you are building now to have a faithful marriage in thought and deed until death. The temptations never end, they just change.

I’m not trying to rain on your parade, but I don’t want you to go into marriage with the candy coated idea that concupisence and temptations will some how vanish upon “I do”. It’s a rough culture to be single in, but it’s a rough culture to have a lifelong faithful marriage too.

 

[Xantippe]

God bless you for your efforts! I wish my husband and I succeeded but we didn’t

I do caution you with your statement that marriage is a cure for concupisence.

Sex in marriage is a beautiful wonderful thing and well worth the wait. But it’s not a given. Sure there will be times (especially in the beginning) where you will have sex almost every day. But as the relationship progresses and time moves on there will be plenty of opportunities for chastity once again. NFP, after childbirth, babies/young children, sickness, extended sickness, surgeries, hospital stays, wife taking medicine that is harmful to a potential baby, business trips, drafting/deployment, old age, sudden inability to engage in relations, and even periods of tension and discord within the marriage itself. These weeks and months will test your endurance and strength, just as your being tested now. Not only will you be tempted with situations like masturbation, suddenly you will notice pretty girls everywhere. At work, on the Internet, at church. And they will like you and try to flirt with you and you will have to stand firm in your morals just as you are now. Oh it’s only thinking about them, not like I’m doing anything…sound familiar? This isn’t a test and you get the prize when you get married. Yes in a way that’s true, but you will need all those spiritual muscles you are building now to have a faithful marriage in thought and deed until death. The temptations never end, they just change.

I’m not trying to rain on your parade, but I don’t want you to go into marriage with the candy coated idea that concupisence and temptations will some how vanish upon “I do”. It’s a rough culture to be single in, but it’s a rough culture to have a lifelong faithful marriage too.

Yes.

And that’s why it’s really important to have a handle on chastity and self-control going into marriage, rather than believing that marriage means you don’t need sexual self-control anymore.

Best wishes!

 

[Layp3rs0n]

God bless you for your efforts! … Not only will you be tempted with situations like masturbation, suddenly you will notice pretty girls everywhere. At work, on the Internet, at church. And they will like you and try to flirt with you and …

I thank all of you for your prayers and encouragement. Happily girls flirting with me has almost never been an issue. Hahaha! I’m lucky I snagged this one before she noticed I was short or something.

 

[Convert_in_99]

I thank all of you for your prayers and encouragement. Happily girls flirting with me has almost never been an issue. Hahaha! I’m lucky I snagged this one before she noticed I was short or something.

Oh the temptations will still come, promise. In one form or another they will be there. I’m not exactly the pretty type but I’ve had plenty of temptations for sure. Especially during those phases in our marriage where it was just a little bit harder to get along with your spouse. Satan never fails to provide these little (or big) opportunities to tempt a good soul. Even the devout Catholic couples struggle with plenty of temptations, they are just often better prepared to fight them.

I am so happy for you two to have found each other. Sounds like you have a keeper!

 

[TyburnTreeHuggr]

Hahaha! I’m lucky I snagged this one before she noticed I was short or something.

I had a similar situation! Somehow she never noticed I’m a good deal shorter than she is. At least I can hope to have some taller kids!

-And good luck. It’s not easy and I was in the same boat as you in 2013. It’s well worth it to stick to your guns after recommitting yourself to chastity: you won’t be sorry. I would recommend picking a patron saint together (maybe the one with a feast on your soon-to-be wedding date?).

 

[E_7]

. I have heard it said that Satan will do everything he can to get you to have sex with your girlfriend and everything he can to keep you from sex with your wife. This is a battle, I recognize. This is way to prove our love for God. Pray we make it.

Do you know why? Because it isforbidden! Because of the original sin, we are attracted or inclined to what is or has been forbidden. In order to have a taste of the forbidden, we disobey the 10 commandments.

 

[E_7]

I don’t want you to go into marriage with the candy coated idea that concupisence and temptations will some how vanish upon “I do”. It’s a rough culture to be single in, but it’s a rough culture to have a lifelong faithful marriage too.

Yes, chastity in marriage. Doing NFP requires abstinence in fertile days if you are postponing pregnancy. And it is precisely on those fertile days that temptation comes, because during ovulation the woman is more in the mood to have sex. The temptation of having “sex” without terminating inside can arise. There are ways of being unchaste even though you are married.

Pray to St. Michael, his chaplet is really good. Congratz, btw.