Low self-esteem

[shanishani7]

I always feel I can’t find position of myself in many aspects… At work, I am not admired by many others, boss and colleages, cannot gain any identity. In friendship with others, even I have a few good friends but I am not liked by many people as others do. For relationship, I can’t even find someone who loved me. Also in many other aspects, many things seem out of my control.

Only in prayer and in church I find peace and calm, feeling God and Mary are with me always. However, when back to daily life things are not getting better as I wish the way is. And feeling weak and hopeless. Sometimes I feel it’s God want me in this way… Why?

 

[blueshells]

I always feel I can’t find position of myself in many aspects… At work, I am not admired by many others, boss and colleages, cannot gain any identity. In friendship with others, even I have a few good friends but I am not liked by many people as others do. For relationship, I can’t even find someone who loved me. Also in many other aspects, many things seem out of my control.

Only in prayer and in church I find peace and calm, feeling God and Mary are with me always. However, when back to daily life things are not getting better as I wish the way is. And feeling weak and hopeless. Sometimes I feel it’s God want me in this way… Why?

There are a few things that may be going on. First, you may be in a period of situational depression, from following a few of your other threads. Turn to those good friends and nurture those relationships, being especially vulnerable as you reach out to them. Allow them to serve you as you serve them.

It may also be that God is calling you to a period of humility and detachment from the desire to be admired and popular. Have you ever prayed the Litany of Humility? It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but it’s helped me many times to remember that being liked by someone is not as important as loving God and doing His will. Also, you might look up “I Shall Not Want” by Audrey Assad, which is a beautiful interweaving of several themes, one of which is the Litany of Humility.

 

[George_Stegmeir]

I strongly suggest that you seek out a psychiatrist or psychological counsellor for your condition. Since you are employed, your health insurance should cover most of the cost.
The best way I know of for you to find a counsellor is to go to your Rectory and make an appointment to see a priest. If you have a regular Confessor, make the appointment to see him. Then explain to him what your problem is and ask for a referral to a Catholic Psychiatrist or Psychologist.
You will be amazed at the good it will do you.

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

I Can’t suggest you seek professional help, that’s not my place to do that,
But my whole life I have felt as you do now, and I still turned out ok,
Perhaps a stronger person for it, true friends I think are hard to find,
Yet my 3. Sons are surrounded by friends, I see them on social media going everywhere with friends ,
In a workplace , I would walk towards a group of work colleagues, they would all walk away when I joined them, many instances like that, We all just need to find our own social group
, don’t stop trying,

 

[Dorothy]

Here is the Litany of Humility:

ewtn.com/Devotionals/prayers/humility.htm

 

[ClearWater]

You remind me of me!

Gosh!

Well, for years what you just wrote was pretty much how I felt. I wondered why others seemed to have all the luck!

However, of late, I have decided to “take the bull by the horns”!

I took a long and hard look at myself, made a few changes…some little, some big.

Anyway, one thing I did was to start with my appearance. I changed my “look”, completely, from top to bottom.

Well, when we are depressed, we “leak” this to others in a bunch of ways, lack of self esteem, same deal.

How do we “leak” that? They say some 80% of communication is non-verbal…gestures…posture…clothing, etc.

So…are you standing up straight? Do you smile at people? Do you act, and walk, with confidence?

Most people, when depressed, don´t stand up straight, don´t smile much less laugh.

When I’m depressed, I also listen to depressing music, withdraw from people, wear depressing colors.

So…knowing all that, I…got my ears pierced (age 50), new earrings, clothes, manicure, pedicure, shined my shoes. I got my eyebrows done, wore makeup, and jewelry.

I am working on cleaning and organizing my house. In the next few weeks, they are to paint and remodel.

I used to not go to some doctor’s appts, not get all my meds. Now, I am working on getting caught up.

I often didn´t take care of myself…my teeth, didn´t always brush, floss, use mouthwash.
Now, I try to do all that.

A friend of mine saw this, said when she was depressed, she wouldn´t tend to herself, either. She said to tend to myself, whether I had a man in my life or not, to do it for myself.

I also overworked myself, put everyone else first and their needs ALL the time.

So…I am trying to put myself a higher priority, to take care of myself.

If I am feeling depressed, I do something about it. I go to a counselor or get meds, or both. Also, I don´t watch the news…because it’s too depressing. I avoid dramas, watch uplifting, inspiring shows. I avoid negative people and circumstances. I go where I am at peace. I actively seek out good, and positive, folks.

For a time, I had NO friends! Nobody!

Do you realize that, of late, I can´t keep up with my commitments? Just in the image change alone, I am now sought after. People invite me pretty much weekly, now…to their homes. They WANT to be with me.

Why? I’m happy. They like my company.

Before, I was a downer. Let’s face it. I was sad all the time, depressed, and it’s hard to be around depressed folks.

I am now working on my insomnia issue, because that, alone, can cause depression. I am looking into getting a sleep mask, and my boyfriend is going to bring over some natural remedies, sleep aids.

Sometimes, I see I was my own worst enemy.

I am considering working part time, because I want some “mad money” to do my projects. We’ll see, though.

Now, I tend to myself…my mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical needs. I am working on eating better and exercising. My boyfriend does marathons, knows a lot, is helping me. I am now doing it with him.

Whether people admire and respect me, now, or not, I feel better about myself. I respect myself…first, and somehow, people seem to pick up on that, treat me with much more respect, now. It came as a surprise that I could, in a sense, change others simply by changing MYSELF!

Had I realized this secret years ago, I would have done this a long time ago!

Insofar as a relationship is concerned, focus on friendship…both men and women.

Do you have hobbies, interests? Here are some ideas. What about some kind of class? I went out this last year, started in ceramics… LOVE it! I now paint stuff, decorate my house with it, and give the rest away as gifts I made with my own two hands…very special.

It’s nice to have something creative…art. My house has been almost completely devoid of any decorations or artwork…lacking in beauty. Now, I am also beautifying my house…sometimes with my own work. It lacked color. Now, I’m adding color.

My underwear was all old, falling apart…all white. Now, I went to colored underwear.

I have changed from the inside out!

 

[ClearWater]

My place wasn´t organized. It’s not, but I’m moving in that direction.

I had a lot of stuff that didn´t work…my wheelchair didn´t work. I had outdated clothes. I gave that to DIF. I’m getting nicer stuff.

I’m overhauling EVERYTHING. I’m changing others by changing myself. It CAN be done!

How are you speaking? Normally, when one has low self esteem, one doesn´t speak up, won´t stand up for oneself, can´t find one’s voice. If that’s you… speak up.

Physically, command respect. Do not allow people to put you down.

Oh yeah, one final point…I expected a man to make me happy. I thought, “IF I have a man, I’ll be happy”. Now, I see things a bit differently. Be happy, first, and you will have a much better shot at finding friends and your life partner.

You actually don´t even need a partner, necessarily, in order to be happy. Strive to be happy whether you have a signficant other or not. Happiness is internal, not external.
YOU are responsible for being happy, not anybody else.

So, a lot of people feel lonely, in part, because they wait for others in order to do things. I have learned to go out alone…to eat…to the fair and be happy doing that!

It took me a LONG time to learn how to be happy, alone. It’s an art.

Ironically, when we learn to be happy with ourselves, respect ourselves, we suddenly seem to become extremely attractive to others.

I have more than enough friends, now, and GOOD friends…who want to help me after a surgery!

I am in a wheelchair, am 50 y.o. In a wheelchair, at this age, I managed to even find LOVE!

Now once, years ago, I tried to pay Matchmaker International, and they considered me such a lost cause that even paying them $600, in the 1990s, wasn’t enough! They refused to work with me!

So…there’s definitely hope.

My boyfriend also uses a wheelchair, but he does marathons. He’s planning 2…a 10 K…and a 42 kilometer, in LA. The Mexican government will pay his airfare. He’s that good!

I have a disability, am okay with his having one, too. Both of us thought we might never find love, but wow, we were wrong.

A lot of people overlooked him due to his legs, but he has a good heart. Now, people look at us both, happy, ENVY us! I was here all along, and so was he. It’s only lately they see us together, shining, that they wonder what our secret was.

We just loved each other. We treat each other well. Now that I found him, I never want to let him go, because there’s no one like him.

A lot of others overlooked us both for having a disability, but even so, there are also some nice folks with a disability. I have one of my best friends who’s blind.

Anyway, in a nutshell, if you want respect, respect yourself, first. That sounds like the opposite, but it’s VERY powerful. If you want love, start, again, with yourself. It sounds almost selfish, hedonist or something, but no.

Low yourself…by that, I mean…respect yourself…take EXCELLENT care of yourself, and watch your life transform!

God bless you!

 

[shanishani7]

My place wasn´t organized. It’s not, but I’m moving in that direction.

I had a lot of stuff that didn´t work…my wheelchair didn´t work. I had outdated clothes. I gave that to DIF. I’m getting nicer stuff.

I’m overhauling EVERYTHING. I’m changing others by changing myself. It CAN be done!

How are you speaking? Normally, when one has low self esteem, one doesn´t speak up, won´t stand up for oneself, can´t find one’s voice. If that’s you… speak up.

Physically, command respect. Do not allow people to put you down.

Oh yeah, one final point…I expected a man to make me happy. I thought, “IF I have a man, I’ll be happy”. Now, I see things a bit differently. Be happy, first, and you will have a much better shot at finding friends and your life partner.

You actually don´t even need a partner, necessarily, in order to be happy. Strive to be happy whether you have a signficant other or not. Happiness is internal, not external.
YOU are responsible for being happy, not anybody else.

So, a lot of people feel lonely, in part, because they wait for others in order to do things. I have learned to go out alone…to eat…to the fair and be happy doing that!

It took me a LONG time to learn how to be happy, alone. It’s an art.

Ironically, when we learn to be happy with ourselves, respect ourselves, we suddenly seem to become extremely attractive to others.

I have more than enough friends, now, and GOOD friends…who want to help me after a surgery!

I am in a wheelchair, am 50 y.o. In a wheelchair, at this age, I managed to even find LOVE!

Now once, years ago, I tried to pay Matchmaker International, and they considered me such a lost cause that even paying them $600, in the 1990s, wasn’t enough! They refused to work with me!

So…there’s definitely hope.

My boyfriend also uses a wheelchair, but he does marathons. He’s planning 2…a 10 K…and a 42 kilometer, in LA. The Mexican government will pay his airfare. He’s that good!

I have a disability, am okay with his having one, too. Both of us thought we might never find love, but wow, we were wrong.

A lot of people overlooked him due to his legs, but he has a good heart. Now, people look at us both, happy, ENVY us! I was here all along, and so was he. It’s only lately they see us together, shining, that they wonder what our secret was.

We just loved each other. We treat each other well. Now that I found him, I never want to let him go, because there’s no one like him.

A lot of others overlooked us both for having a disability, but even so, there are also some nice folks with a disability. I have one of my best friends who’s blind.

Anyway, in a nutshell, if you want respect, respect yourself, first. That sounds like the opposite, but it’s VERY powerful. If you want love, start, again, with yourself. It sounds almost selfish, hedonist or something, but no.

Low yourself…by that, I mean…respect yourself…take EXCELLENT care of yourself, and watch your life transform!

God bless you!

Thank you so much for your reply. Your story is so touching and inspiring. Right, I always depend on others to make myself happy and to gain identity. I should make myself happier first. And to trust myself more, should work on myself more and to improve myself first.

My hobby is actually doing volunteer to serve others. I feel satisfied when doing that. It’s just on my career and work I found no much believe from boss and colleagues. I should figure out the problem and to improve myself first. Or maybe consider changing job so that I can explore my ability.
Um, sometimes I think environment does matter and affect our self image such as how others view on me.

I agree working on ourselves first can improve, maybe it takes time but I will try. Thanks for advice.

 

[ClearWater]

Thank you so much for your reply. Your story is so touching and inspiring. Right, I always depend on others to make myself happy and to gain identity. I should make myself happier first. And to trust myself more, should work on myself more and to improve myself first.

My hobby is actually doing volunteer to serve others. I feel satisfied when doing that. It’s just on my career and work I found no much believe from boss and colleagues. I should figure out the problem and to improve myself first. Or maybe consider changing job so that I can explore my ability.
Um, sometimes I think environment does matter and affect our self image such as how others view on me.

I agree working on ourselves first can improve, maybe it takes time but I will try. Thanks for advice.

Okay…I have had some jobs where they won’t respect me. One, I just flat out left.

I am in one volunteer position now where I don´t feel valued or respected by many, but I will probably stick with it, anyway, due to the fact I feel needed.

When I am there, I come, do my work, leave…close the door to teach my class. That cut down almost completely on the problems with others. There is an atmosphere there of tension, but doing all that, I can generally overcome the tension the time I am there. I am not the only one who has picked up on the tension. One person who left there called it “hostile”.

I don´t go to events there unless they are mandatory, or if I do, I sit in the back.

I either try to find a way to work around problems…or I try to leave. I try not to stay in an environment where they will not treat me well if I can help it.

 

[Robert_Sock]

I WILL speak to my Lord, I who am but dust and ashes. If I consider myself anything more than this, behold You stand against me, and my sins bear witness to the truth which I cannot contradict. If I abase myself, however, if I humble myself to nothingness, if I shrink from all self-esteem and account myself as the dust which I am, Your grace will favor me, Your light will enshroud my heart, and all self-esteem, no matter how little, will sink in the depths of my nothingness to perish forever.

It is there You show me to myself – what I am, what I have been, and what I am coming to; for I am nothing and I did not know it. Left to myself, I am nothing but total weakness. But if You look upon me for an instant, I am at once made strong and filled with new joy. Great wonder it is that I, who of my own weight always sink to the depths, am so suddenly lifted up, and so graciously embraced by You.

It is Your love that does this, graciously upholding me, supporting me in so many necessities, guarding me from so many grave dangers, and snatching me, as I may truly say, from evils without number. Indeed, by loving myself badly I lost myself; by seeking only You and by truly loving You I have found both myself and You, and by that love I have reduced myself more profoundly to nothing. For You, O sweetest Lord, deal with me above all my merits and above all that I dare to hope or ask.

May You be blessed, my God, for although I am unworthy of any benefits, yet Your nobility and infinite goodness never cease to do good even for those who are ungrateful and far from You. Convert us to You, that we may be thankful, humble, and devout, for You are our salvation, our courage, and our strength.
-Taken from* The Imitation of Christ
*

 

[shanishani7]

Okay…I have had some jobs where they won’t respect me. One, I just flat out left.

I am in one volunteer position now where I don´t feel valued or respected by many, but I will probably stick with it, anyway, due to the fact I feel needed.

When I am there, I come, do my work, leave…close the door to teach my class. That cut down almost completely on the problems with others. There is an atmosphere there of tension, but doing all that, I can generally overcome the tension the time I am there. I am not the only one who has picked up on the tension. One person who left there called it “hostile”.

I don´t go to events there unless they are mandatory, or if I do, I sit in the back.

I either try to find a way to work around problems…or I try to leave. I try not to stay in an environment where they will not treat me well if I can help it.

Um, I understand that. If stick to the environment which makes us feel no good, it will affect our emotion if stay longer there.