Lukewarm Spouses

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Giannawannabe

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Does anyone else out there have a spouse who is just not on the same page faithwise as you? My husband has really come far since we married 18 years ago. He attends Mass every Sunday now and has attended a couple of Catholic conference type things. He went to Confession for the first time in years this past Christmas. However, I feel like I’m walking up a downgoing escalator sometimes. Most times I feel thankful with the progress he has made. Other times I get discouraged and weary with trying so hard to keep him faithful. It seems every Sunday he gets crabby and irritable, asking if I want him to go to Mass vs. just getting ready and acting like it’s something he will of course do. I pray for him constantly as well as for my children. I try to just leave it to God and be like St. Monica, but sometimes it’s just SO HARD!! He was not raised in a good environment and he is only 1 of 7 children that attends Mass at all. Help!!?
 
Gianna, why don’t you concentrate more on where YOU are with the faith, rather than scrutinizing hubby?
Hubby attends mass every Sunday.,…he will get where he should be in his and God’s due time.
As for cranky Sunday mornings…what’s new??? Everyone goes through this.
 
sounds like he is doing pretty well

nothing will turn him off quicker than being TOLD what to do
people must come of their own accord or they might as well sleep in on Sundays
 
Gianna,

Your post is very inspirational to me. My husband is like yours but not quite at that point yet. He usually goes to Mass on Sundays, compared to almost never 3 years ago. He still hasn’t gone to Confession but I am hopeful that once our youngest makes his First Confession this year, he will join us as a family. He is also the only one of his family, including his mother to even semi-regularly go to Mass.

I pray regularly to St. Monica and St. Augustine, have a Green Scapular under his mattress and try not to pressure.

I was pretty lax myself for many years and I know he will come around in his own time. My kids, however, worry about him. And there are so many things that I would love to do as a family that he isn’t ready for yet, like praying together, a family rosary or a retreat for the two of us.

I’d love to trade prayer intentions with you. You pray for me and my hubby and I’ll pray for you and yours. 🙂
 
My husband is in the same place. He came from a luke warm background and that is all he aspires to. He is not a content or happy person and I know that if he learned to rely on Jesus, a lot of the mountains in his path would smooth out. I love the following scripture.

If a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him, for the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified though her believing husband. 1 Corinthians 7:13-14
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This scripture tells me that my husband is being sanctified through my faith. In more concrete terms, I believe that if I live according to my faith I will be leading him towards salvation through my actions. Nagging gets me nowhere, and believe me I have tried that route. But maybe one day he will want to have what I have and he will reach out and let Jesus transform his life.

I pray every day for my husband and I have told him that I do. After reading this thread I will expand my prayer to all of those luke warm spouses out there who need to be touched by the fire of the Holy Spirit. To God nothing is impossible.

Kristen
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Points well taken. Thanks to you all. I will definitely swap prayers with you others experiencing the same thing.
 
I have a spouuse who is anti-Catholic, so it is difficult. However, we’ve made progress in 8 years of marriage. My wife has come to respect my devotion to my faith. I no longer have to “sneak off” to Mass or Confession, and then meekly say that I had been somewhere else, like the grocery store.

I do pray for my wife that one day she might at least attend Mass with me…one step is better than nothing…and I pray. What’s the old saying about conversion issues? Pray, don’t push.
 
Fear not! My husband is the best Catholic that you would ever want to meet…:rolleyes: He keeps the Commandments, The Precepts of the Church…Serves in several ministeries within the parish, etc. However, he doesn’t know Jesus…He doesn’t believe that we need and should have a personal relationship w/ Him…I can’t get it through his head…thinks I’m nuts…:banghead:

Anyway, he has decided to attend a Men’s Conference coming up in Worcester , MA March 12th and I’m just praying so hard that he will open up…Maybe Karl Keating can say something that might inspire him???😃 … he is one of the main speakers!!!👍
worcestercatholicmen.org/
 
It sounds as if your husband is doing OK. He is not where you want him to be, but just keep on praying for him.

One of the devil’s slick and effective tricks is to get family’s to argue or experience strife before or right after Sunday Mass. Ever wonder why arguments always start as you are busily getting ready for church? Or erupt when you get in the car to go home?

BAM! If he can get you to lose peace and then not focus during mass, what a victory. Then after Mass, if he can help you lose the graces you just received, yippee!

This is not coincidence - this is spiritual warfare. Don’t get mad at hubby. Be happy and praise God that he is joining you. His body does not need to bubble with joy about going to Mass but his soul is.
 
I have been going through a major reconversion of my Catholic faith over the past five years. Sometimes I feel the same way about my husband, but then I stop and remember that it wasn’t that long ago that I was lukewarm myself. I must say that he has grown a lot over the past few years as well, but I’ve been slowly trying to encourage him to go to Eucharistic adoration and he is not interested, so I keep praying for God to soften his heart. Five years ago, I wouldn’t have a regular hour each week at adoration.

There was a time when I was praying before Mass and thinking back on all the times I failed over the past week, and I was praying “Lord, when am I ever going to get this right?”

Then I paused and thought about the story where the two men are praying in the temple, and the one who was “pious” was saying “Lord, thank you that I’m not like that man,” while the sinner was saying “Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

We must be careful not to think we have it all figured out, or that our way of praying or being a good Catholic is better than another. Our Lord works deep in our hearts, minds and souls and it is only through the Holy Spirit that we even have faith at all!

So, never let me think I’m getting it right all the time! We always have room to grow and change and learn.
 
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Annunciata:
Fear not! My husband is the best Catholic that you would ever want to meet…:rolleyes: He keeps the Commandments, The Precepts of the Church…Serves in several ministeries within the parish, etc. However, he doesn’t know Jesus…He doesn’t believe that we need and should have a personal relationship w/ Him…I can’t get it through his head…thinks I’m nuts…:banghead:
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he does all that and you’re still finding fault?

he’s right
you ARE nuts

we all have our own path
 
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kmktexas:
And there are so many things that I would love to do as a family that he isn’t ready for yet, like praying together, a family rosary or a retreat for the two of us.
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Ladies, I hear ya. My wife has come a great length, but she still thinks I’m a fanatic for praying the Rosary, dragging the family to Mass while in vacation, etc.

I know she does a lot out of our love, but like the Samaritan woman, I want all my family to get close to this wonderful man, God incarnate.

BTW, at the foot of the cross as in this thread, plenty more women than men, huh? 😉

May God get closer to your spouse as you get to him or her.

:blessyou:
 
Hi. Thanks for all of your kind words and responses. I especially like the vision of the devil being so slick on Sundays to wreak havoc. I think that is so true now. This weekend, my daughter went on her first retreat. They had a Mass and little reception on Sunday morning. My husband clearly did NOT wish to attend. I told him he did not have to go (I really hoped he wouldn’t as I could see what his attitude was). Well, he went and made it clear to everyone that he was not happy. When we got home, we got into a big fight, etc., etc. I was so distraught that I felt hopeless. I took the kids early to catechism. We stopped by the local Eucharistic chapel before class. I just surrendered everything to Jesus. I emptied myself out to Him and invited Him into our marriage as a partner, instead of an outsider. When we returned home that evening, my husband had cleaned the house, played with my younger daughter, and gave me a BIG hug and apologized sincerely. I couldn’t believe it…that has never happened before. Usually, the anger simmers for days before things get better. I go to the Eucharistic chapel often. Usually, I just talk, talk, talk to Jesus. This time, I just listened and surrendered. I feel like there’s been a little miracle.

God Bless
Giannawannabe
 
Originally posted** by Annunciata** Fear not! My husband is the best Catholic that you would ever want to meet…:rolleyes: He keeps the Commandments, The Precepts of the Church…Serves in several ministeries within the parish, etc. However, he doesn’t know Jesus…He doesn’t believe that we need and should have a personal relationship w/ Him…I can’t get it through his head…thinks I’m nuts…:banghead:

Anyway, he has decided to attend a Men’s Conference coming up in Worcester , MA March 12th and I’m just praying so hard that he will open up…Maybe Karl Keating can say something that might inspire him???😃 … he is one of the main speakers!!!👍
worcestercatholicmen. org/
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Steve Andersen:
he does all that and you’re still finding fault?

he’s right
you ARE nuts…
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Thank you Steve! You missed the whole point… He does this out of HABIT!!! not out of love for Jesus.
I pray constantly that his heart may be opened to the “REAL LOVE” that is just waiting for him… What was it that Jesus said about the Pharisees??? The whole idea of last week’s Gospel…enlightenment!!! That the blind see…opening and softening of hearts…
we all have our own path
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This is very true… However, as his spouse I pray that we both be at least in the same chapter, though not necessarily on the same page…:amen:
 
I’m so glad to hear other responses on this subject. I’ve been married 43 yrs. to a non-practicing Methodist. All these years I’ve respected his feelings of letting him do his own thing. A few yrs. ago he was diagnosed with cancer and I politely reminded him that going to church and turning to God would help. Of course he gruffily answered me with a, “yeah, yeah, yeah.” I figured if I get him to church…Lord you can handle the rest. He goes with me to a Catholic church, I’ve kept quiet and just let God work with him. Example is the best teacher too. I go to daily mass, taking an internet bible study (Salvation History.com) and just try to be kind to everyone. I think I’ve been growing more in faith by just letting God handle it. St. Padre Pio has said many times, “Pray, Hope, Trust”! This is the best advice for lukewarm spouses. 😉
 
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Annunciata:
Thank you Steve! You missed the whole point… He does this out of HABIT!!! not out of love for Jesus.
I pray constantly that his heart may be opened to the “REAL LOVE” that is just waiting for him…
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I don’t know your circumstances so I won’t make any more glib remarks

but i don’t think I could comment on the contents of another’s heart or their true motivations

I just worry about this spec right here in my eye

to my mind walking the walk and talking the talk is not a bad way to go
 
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