Lustful Thoughts, when are they sinful?

[DL82]

I know that to wilfully lust after a woman is a sin. I also realise that to recognise that God created all beauty is not a sin. If it’s natural for a man to be drawn to the beauty of a woman, and can even be holy in the context of matrimony, when does a look become a sin?

Presuming, for the purpose of this thread, that you are a single man, not married or bound to a vow of celibacy, and presuming that the thoughts are consented to. Please cut and copy what is below, drawing a line where you think the thoughts stray towards sin.

“She’s an attractive woman.”

“She’s an attractive woman, I think I’ll take a second look.”

“She’s an attractive woman, and has attractive legs.”

“She’s an attractive woman, I hope her husband values her beauty.”

“She’s an attractive woman, I would like to ask her out.”

“She’s an attractive woman, I would like to be married to someone like that.”

“She’s an attractive woman, I’m getting aroused just thinking about her, though I know I shouldn’t.”

“She’s an attractive woman, I’m getting aroused just thinking about her, and I’m enjoying it.”

“She’s an attractive woman, I would like to be married to someone like that so that I could have sex with her.”

“She’s an attractive woman, I would like to have sex with her.”

“She’s an attractive woman, I’m going to try to get her to have sex with me.”

OK, the last two are pretty obviously in the danger zone. But where is the line? Where does a person go from appreciating the beauty of another to committing sins against the 6th and 9th commandment?

 

[06convert]

There is no clear cut point. For a human being going from step 1 to step 11 happens in an instant before we even have a chance to realize what we are doing. It’s how you react to those uncontrolled thoughts.

If you entertain them for longer than that split second you might start slipping into venial sin, but your reaction to those determines if you are slipping into mortal sin.

Just be on the alert. The devil likes to slip in sin in the form of pretty ladies sometimes. If you are mindful of it, you’ll be ok. We are lucky to have confession when things get out of hand.

God knows what’s in our hearts. He only asks us to try our best, and confess when we inevitably mess it all up.

 

[The_Otaku]

I agree with 06convert.

Also, it’s an individual and occasion of sin situation. If a man likes women who have nice legs, then he’s partial to looking at them, for example. But whether he lusts or not is determined by his ability to avoid temptation to begin with. It’s ok for him to like legs, but if he stares he’s being rude, and if he lusts, he’s crossed the line. To notice the attractive features of a woman is not a crime or sin, in my opinion. You can’t help but notice when a woman has particularly beautiful features. What you can help is whether you sin or not. As 06convert says, though, this can all progress from one stage to the last in a matter of seconds, or an instant. I think the best way to avoid this is asking God, before you leave your house that day, is to guard your eyes and your senses, so that if you do see attractive women, you won’t fall pray to temptation, but rather will be able to appreciate their beauty as God intended.

Personally, I would want to draw the line at “she’s an attractive woman, I hope her husband values her beauty.”

The reason for this is it is implied she either has a husband, could have a husband, or could be engaged. Out of respect for her and her husband (current or future), or even just her boyfriend, you have to stop here, at this point, and not go any further.

However, this is not to be confused with “She’s an attractive woman, I would like to be married to someone like that.”

In all honesty, this quote is wishful thinking, and I don’t see that as a problem. It’s sinful and objectifying if you would want to be married to her simply for her looks. I don’t know whether the quote was made to imply that, but if it’s not, it can simply be taken as wishful thinking, and I don’t think that’s sinful. All men (and women) have preferences, and looks are a part of it. If you see a woman who looks like your ideal type, and you appreciate her beauty and look forward to or even pray that God would bless you with a woman of similar beauty to marry, then there’s no problem at all. Not in my opinion anyways.

 

[Shannon9791]

A very wise priest once told me, “Entertain the thoughts, just don’t let the thoughts entertain you.” That’s about the best advice I can give about that.