Lusting after another woman?

  • Thread starter Thread starter rayne89
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
R

rayne89

Guest
OK now let me preface this with the fact that I am not trying to pick on men. This question comes from a comment made on another thread about men and lust.

So men- have you ever lusted after someone other than your spouse since you’ve been married?
 
Dang you ask tough questions. What do you have in mind when you say “lust”?

Are you referring to something involuntary? or voluntary?

Involuntary is the simple jump in blood pressure a guy might get as he flips past the women’s underwear section of the J.C. Penny Catalogue.

Voluntary would be specifically opening to those pages, or picking up a porno magazine.

And then there’s the grey area of lingering a bit too long as he’s flipping past the underwear section.
 
Black Jaque:
Dang you ask tough questions. What do you have in mind when you say “lust”?

Are you referring to something involuntary? or voluntary?

Involuntary is the simple jump in blood pressure a guy might get as he flips past the women’s underwear section of the J.C. Penny Catalogue.

Voluntary would be specifically opening to those pages, or picking up a porno magazine.

And then there’s the grey area of lingering a bit too long as he’s flipping past the underwear section.
Click to expand...
I am going on a comment made by another man I believe he meant voluntary.
 
I’m sorry to have to admit to being guilty on this one 😦 , and now I have to add Mrs. SG to the list. I had never lusted after a cartoon before, but there’s just something about a woman holding a mask… :rolleyes:
 
It depends on what you mean by “is” is …

Is lusting after other women, desiring them as if you were not married and fantasizing about persuing them ???

or

Is lusting, imagining what they would look like with less on ???

or

Is lusting, admiring their physical beauty

or

Is lusting looking or staring at them much longer than you would normally look at a stranger ???

or

Is lusting, considering whether they would make an appropriate spouse if you were not already married

or

Is lusting wishing or desiring to have an encounter or even an affair with them.

or is it more than this or less than this ???

either way I’m probably guilty on 99.9 % of these, more so in the past than now.

BUT I would not even consider having an affair with anyone, nor would I put myself in a situation where this is possible.

I know I have to work on my control. I’ve come a long way but chances are I will still have desires until they put me 6 feet under.

Sexual desire is a natural response to the opposite sex. It is the way God made us, so the human species can sustain itself. For it to suddenly stop because we have chosen one person is not likely.

Sure I am committed and dedicated to my wife, 100%. But to the thought gestapo out there, I question the honesty and veracity of anyone out there who claims they have never lusted after another woman. Sorry SG but even St. Francis said, "make me pure, but NOT yet ! "

For those saintly folks out there who never do a double take when a gorgeous female, scantily clad saunters by, flaunting her wares, God bless you and I don’t buy it for a second. You must be either totally blind or one heck of a liar.
 
Wcknight,

That’s kind of why I wanted to differentiate between voluntary and involuntary acts.

Most of what we are all guilty of is involuntary attraction. It’s just according to our nature for our eyes to catch certain curves.

However, Rayne seems to be concerned with the voluntary type. Something that exhibits a willful action. Such as purchasing or picking up a porno magazine. Entering a strip bar. Men don’t do those things accidentally.

But there’s some things that can fall into a grey area. For example, what do you do when you’re involuntarily exposed to something lustful? Do you immediately recognize it as an occasion to sin and avert your eyes or pray? Or do you let yourself look and begin imagining things? Sometimes the staring and imagination can even be involuntary - you don’t always notice that you’re doing it. But when you do notice, what do you do?
 
Black Jaque:
But there’s some things that can fall into a grey area. For example, what do you do when you’re involuntarily exposed to something lustful? Do you immediately recognize it as an occasion to sin and avert your eyes or pray? Or do you let yourself look and begin imagining things? Sometimes the staring and imagination can even be involuntary - you don’t always notice that you’re doing it. But when you do notice, what do you do?
Click to expand...
Very interesting questions.

By the way whether your a man or woman I don’t think it’s sinful to notice an attractive person. I think if you dwell on the person’s attractiveness or start imagining less then wholesome things about the person then you start running into lust.
But I’m a woman so technically I shouldn’t be voicing my opinion here.😃
 
Rayne,

You’re opinion is part of the defining of the poll. If responders are use their own connotations for lust they’ll respond differently from what you anticipated.

You may get a lot of “yes” votes from men who know it isn’t a sin to just “notice” women. But that’s not quite what you’re after is it?

You may get a lot of men who refuse to vote because this is a public forum. Not many people will openly admit their deepest sins in public. This may be especially true with men. Ever notice there’s a lot of threads about difficult husbands, but not as many threads about difficult wives? (at least that’s my perception) Do you think it’s because wives are just doing a better job? Or do you think it’s because men are inclined to keep their mouth shut about personal problems?
 
40.png
rayne89:
Very interesting questions.

By the way whether your a man or woman I don’t think it’s sinful to notice an attractive person. I think if you dwell on the person’s attractiveness or start imagining less then wholesome things about the person then you start running into lust.
But I’m a woman so technically I shouldn’t be voicing my opinion here.😃
Click to expand...
How about this:

***6. You shall not commit adultery.

*** - Lust in the heart (“if I could I would”)
catholicparents.org/oxcart/examination.html
 
Sinful man reporting in. Biological drives God intended to spread the species suffer the effects of the fall. They manifest in ways we wish they wouldn’t.

You can know it’s wrong. You can pray for purity. You can wear holes in your pants knees from going to confession.

But Sanctification is slow and hard. If it were easy, we’d only need a 30 year lifespan!
 
Black Jaque:
Rayne,

You may get a lot of men who refuse to vote because this is a public forum. Not many people will openly admit their deepest sins in public.
Click to expand...
Note: If you just click yes or no on the pole no one knows who you are.
 
Black Jaque:
Rayne,

Ever notice there’s a lot of threads about difficult husbands, but not as many threads about difficult wives? (at least that’s my perception) Do you think it’s because wives are just doing a better job? Or do you think it’s because men are inclined to keep their mouth shut about personal problems?
Click to expand...
My guess would be the latter of the two. Ofcourse it would be nice to believe we women were doing a better job. 😃

Generally women have a greater need to “hash out” their feeling with others. Men more often than not keep their feeling to themselves.
 
Generally women have a greater need to “hash out” their feeling with others. Men more often than not keep their feeling to themselves.
Click to expand...
I wouldn’t say that men need to hash things out as much. Perhaps it’s part of the competitive mentality we have - but it’s generally unwise to show your weak spots in a public forum. A guy makes it public that he’s got marital problems, and suddenly he’s got all sorts of other problems. Because competitors can be ruthless.

And these things are not as anonymous as one may think. I remember hearing a friend from another city call the Catholic radio. I instantly recognized their voice. On other occasions I’ve heard people spill their guts about their spouse’s problems on the same show. I just laughed, because if I recognized my buddy’s voice, surely this person could have friends who would recognize their voice. Now this poor spouse can’t go to parties without everyone knowing his bedroom preferences.

Heck, I’ve even had people recognize my writing style!

I wouldn’t put it past someone to figure out how I voted on such a pole based on some subtle nuance in how I clicked a box!
 
40.png
ncjohn:
and now I have to add Mrs. SG to the list. I had never lusted after a cartoon before
Click to expand...
REALLY!?!?!? Didn´t you ever see Jessica Rabbit? 😃
 
40.png
cynic:
But you aren’t supposed to lust after your own wife.
Click to expand...
After 30+ years, the wife really appriciates whatever attention she can get. I would venture to guess that in most older marriages, the wife wants as much lust as they can generate in their spouse. The common complaint is not enough sex, not too much sex. I suppose for the newlyweds, the compliant may be too much attention.
 
40.png
Catolico:
REALLY!?!?!? Didn´t you ever see Jessica Rabbit? 😃
Click to expand...
Ooohhh, I had forgotten Jessica! Shame on you for leading me into another near occasion of sin!! :tsktsk:
 
40.png
wcknight:
After 30+ years, the wife really appriciates whatever attention she can get. I would venture to guess that in most older marriages, the wife wants as much lust as they can generate in their spouse.
Click to expand...
I know at 29 years of marriage my wife has never tired of hearing that I still find her to be “hot.” I think it’s hardwired into us, this need to have our ego stroked since we identify so much with how other people perceive us. Regardless, it’s not insincere on my part and if it helps her remember day-to-day that she is loved and appreciated, so much the better. 🙂
 
40.png
cynic:
But you aren’t supposed to lust after your own wife.
Click to expand...
Indeed, lust is a grave sin. Unfortunately, we tend to use the term loosely today to mean things the term was not intended to mean.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top