Lying to save someone’s feeling, is this okay?

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Is it ever okay to lie? For instance when the lie is only told so that you don’t hurt someone’s feelings. For example, say you’re invited to do something in a group but you don’t want to go do what the group is doing. You think it is very kind of the group to extend the invitation to you but you simply don’t want to go and do what they are doing. Thus you make up an excuse that is not 100% accurate because you don’t want to hurt their feelings by simply saying no thank you. Is this the right thing to do?
 
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Thank you for replying. I think you make a great point. For some reason when I find myself in this type of situation I always feel so bad saying no and feel that giving more information makes me feel better because I just don’t want to upset anyone or hurt anyone’s feelings. Now if I am asked to do something and it goes against what I believe as a catholic i have no problem saying no. I just don’t want to upset or hurt anyone but also do not want to be sinning and doing the wrong thing
 
Miss Manners always says that no excuse is necessary when turning down an invitation. I think she’s right. If you simply say, “Thank you but I can’t,” there’s not much people can say. If they ask why you can repeat, “It’s so kind of you to ask, but I can’t.” On the other hand, if you make up an excuse, people may try to accommodate you without realizing that you just don’t want to go. If you say you’re busy that day they may offer to reschedule. If you’re not interested in that particular event, they’ll find another one. If you’re broke they may offer to pay your way. But if you can’t go, you can’t go.
 
Thank you for your insight. I think that makes a lot of sense and is good advice. Keeping it short and sweet and to the point might be the best approach
 
This is very true. Sometimes we just have to say no thank you and leave it at that
 
Holy1 said:
Is it ever okay to lie? For instance when the lie is only told so that you don’t hurt someone’s feelings. For example, say you’re invited to do something in a group but you don’t want to go do what the group is doing. You think it is very kind of the group to extend the invitation to you but you simply don’t want to go and do what they are doing. Thus you make up an excuse that is not 100% accurate because you don’t want to hurt their feelings by simply saying no thank you. Is this the right thing to do?
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Not knowing the context or tone/relationship with that group (i.e. their dynamics.) All I could say, is to say "thank you for the invitation, but have already engaged in another event (could just say you want to take a rest and be at home. Just quiet time. And in fact you could really aim to do this. But then things change, so you may actually do something rather than be at home. We’re human, and often change your minds.)
 
What you need is a genuine, chronic, painful ailment that flares up at the most uncanny moments. Sciatica is a great one. With that one, you can break almost any social obligation. You could even miss a funeral. Unfortunately, these gifts only come with age. So, you may have to wait. Until then, a little white lie is better than hurting one’s feelings.
 
no, honestly, you shouldn’t lie. just give a vague answer like “sorry but I won’t be coming this time”

and if your goal is not to hurt their feelings, well, if somehow they found out you lied, that’s going to make them feel worse then if you just gave them a straight answer.

I know people always say tthat 'white lies" are no big deal, but no one likes being lied to, even for little things. If it’s something so insignificant, then why bother lying in the first place?
 
Thanks for the response I appreciate the feedback. I have a question if you do not mind. What if you know that they will never find out of the lie and know that a simple no thank you will hurt their feelings because they willl assume that you just do not want to hangout with them. I never like to lie and agree that it is wrong but I feel awful hurting someone
 
Thank you. I like the points you make. We do often change our minds as humans. A good approach to take
 
How true! After a certain age, you can always claim to be in pain without lying.
 
I don’t think it’s ever okay to lie, even though it’s easy for any of us to fall into in a pinch. But in a situation like you mention, another idea for sparing their feelings is to admit the truth, but to balance that out by emphasizing, with feeling, how much you appreciate the thought. Make sure you give the impression that you’re touched, flattered, or whatever else that they even invited you. If you can get that point across, it will send the message that even if you’re not interested in the event itself, you definitely appreciate the people.
 
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