Mad at my girlfriend

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Argh

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I’m not sure if this exactly qualifies for the “Family” forum section, thingamabob…

My gf and I have been seeing each other for 2.5 years. I love her to death but sometimes she really makes me feel like I’m not at all important to her.

At the beginning of summer we planned to get together and hang out all day long someday when she first moves into UW-Whitewater. This is especially important to me because she works at Girl Scout camp all summer long and we rarely get to see or talk to each other. But she really likes working there and has been doing so for a few summers now.

Anyways, she comes back from camp only a few days before we both go to school. She has the first day reserved for sleeping and packing, that’s fine, very reasonable. Then next she’s getting together with her best friend, that’s fine, very reasonable. Then on the last availible day she’s probly going to do a family thing, that’s great, very reasonable. After she moves in, she has marching band camp, OK. But then she says I cant come and see her because she “has to make friends”. This is what REALLY makes me angry. What about me??? I’m her friend arent I??? We havent had a chance to do much of anything this summer and she doesnt want to let me visit in the week or so before classes begin???

This sort of thing has happened more than a few times before and each time I got a little annoyed, but understood that she has a bunch of girlfriends who do all sorts neat stuff with her.

But once before, when we were at her parents house about to watch a movie together after we hadnt seen each other in a month, I almost stormed out of her parents house when she let me know that her friend was also dropping by. She calmed me down and had a talk about it and things got better.

Am I just being jealous/possessive/unreasonable:confused:

I know were not married and she has her own life, but now especially I feel like I’m being excluded from it…

I called her up and got angry with her :(, I kinda almost yelled at her too :(. I told her to “think about it over the weekend” and then hung-up.

Am I just being an idiot? Help plz…
 
Hmm, sounds a little familiar to me. Do you and your girlfriend have a balance of activities that are exclusively stuff for the two of you as well as activities with each other’s friends? For my past relationship that was a problem; she was fine with her friends, but uncomfortable around mine because she was a little shy while my friends are usually pretty outgoing and loud. Maybe your girlfriend just wants a little space, too, considering her move into a new place (it is new, right?) is a significant change (I’m assuming).

However, I’m not completely sure since you say you have been apart for the summer. My former girlfriend and I were apart for the past year while I was abroad, and when I came back sometimes it felt like I just wasn’t important, like you said. Sometimes distance is a little rough on people. Given that, I still believe that a serious relationship deserves time with the other person.

I can’t offer anything concrete because I don’t know a thing about your relationship situation beyond what you said in your post (nor is it my business to), but I will say, from experience, when you are away from each other, even if you have been dating for a long time, don’t take your time for granted. Do be respectful of her when you talk to her, and make sure you communicate well about this; perhaps both of you are missing some perspective from each other. Good luck and God bless.

RockAndHoops
 
From what little info you gave us, it sounds as though she may be losing interest in you. I truly hope this is not the case. Unfortunately, some women–especially young/immature ones–would rather string you along with lame excuses like “I need to take my dog to the vet,” “I have to clean my apartment because Grandma’s coming next weekend,” or like “I need to make new friends.” They figure it is better to pretend to keep liking you than to just tell you the truth because that would “hurt” you. (As though lying to you isn’t hurting you even more!) They continue to “date” you, yet keep finding reasons not to see you.

Again, I really hope that this is not the case for you–'tis a painful situation to be in. If you want to stay with your favorite lady, here are some things to look into:
  • Are you being too pushy or acting needy? This is a big turnoff to most women I know. Try giving her a week or two during which you don’t call her or make any kind of contact with her. If she really does just need some space, then this will revitalize her interest in you.
  • How often does she call you? Are you the one doing all the date planning? If she is truly interested in you, she ought to be calling YOU every so often. If she never calls or plans anything, then that is a sign of low interest.
  • Are you both teenagers or were you recently? This is a time when people change tremendously. She may have realized that you’re not really who she wants to be with. (Don’t worry, people stabilize once we get into our early 20’s.)
If she has indeed lost interest, ultimately the only thing you can do is end the relationship and move on. It’s hard to make this decision, but sometimes it is the best decision. I’m not saying breaking up is the only way in your case, but it is a possibility to consider. I hope that you are successful in keeping with this lady as long as it’s God’s plan for you both. Peace,

Chris
 
Simple advice. Don’t ever hang-up on your girlfriend and don’t ever sleep on an argument.

You have a right to be upset. I think if you told your girlfriend how much you appreciate being with her and how you enjoy her company she’ll come around more often. This is what I told my boyfriend and he made more of an effort to come over and call more.

Positive reinforcement works a lot better than the alternative.
 
To go along a bit with lontas was saying, it might require letting her go so long as your a lower priority that what you reasonably think you ought to be as a boyfriend. That would be a better alternative to putting yourself in a position where you just get so frustrated that you hang up or act like a jerk. You don’t want to be like that, nor does she want that.

If you do break up, don’t be overly sad and emotional about it, though you will be naturally disappointed. Instead try to be confident. After all you should be, you should have faith that the Lord will lead you to the right person. And sometimes the Lord leads in crooked lines. He may lead her back to you, with even more confidence that this is the right relationship. If not, then she probably wasn’t the one you ought to be with.

That doesn’t mean you should take that adivice. Only if the relationship is really bringing you to a place when you often give in to the temptation to act as you shouldn’t.
 
Whew! Sorry I’ve been busy! Got hit by a car on my bicycle, I’m fine, I literaly have hardly a scratch on me. And after 5 hours in the hospital, the docs are certain I dont have any internal bleeding or brain damage or anything. They should be, after a few thousand$ worth of poking and proding. But the nurses were the best as always:).

I actually tried to call and apologize for almost yelling at her and hanging up. That wasnt right, I can see that now clearly.

But after only a full day I can really see how she really hasnt made much time/space in her life for me. I’ve explained this to all my parents and they ALL agree. I loved her to pieces, but she just didnt feel the same way about me.

Well, she said she did but it helps to see things from a little different angle.

Thanks all. I’m feeling much better. Or maybe thats the pills:whacky::whacky::whacky:.
 
Hey, I’m glad to see you’re not terribly hurt–by either the car or the girl. It is hard to come to this realization, but sometimes it’s even harder not to and remain in a one-sided relationship. Don’t worry–if things don’t work out with her, then that can only mean God has someone or something even better in mind for you. Sounds like you’re on your way to a healthy recovery. Peace,

Chris
 
Argh:

You received some good advice from lontas, but if it’s any consolation, you sound like a very considerate and thoughtful gentleman–a rarity these days. I’m sure if this young lady doesn’t appreciate those qualities in you, there are others out there who certainly will.
 
If I were you, I’d sit down with her and tell her how you feel about the way she’s been acting. Don’t get angry, just be as stoich as possible. See how she responds. If she says that she’s sorry and didn’t realize that you felt this way, then you’re probably good to go. But, if she kinda beats around the bush, says you need to give space, or something like that, then I would say just let it be for a few weeks. Let things calm down a little, starting college is hard (I’ll be the first to tell you how stressful prospects of college are) and that may be causing her to act differently. Once she gets into a routine, see how things are between you guys again. If nothing has changed and she is not making a priority of those things you see as important, then it may be time to end the relationship. I’m sorry to hear you are having this trouble and I pray that it is resolved soon.

Eamon
 
Well were getting back together after all. 🙂

She called and I told her how much I didnt feel appreciated and I apologized for being a real jerk about it - I really upset her that day:o.

She says she’s committed to making our relationship work and is going to change her habits.

So…yeah!

Now we both gotta survive college, and I gotta a 100X30 ft driveway to pour tomorrow starting at 5:00am:crying:.
 
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Argh:
Now we both gotta survive college, and I gotta a 100X30 ft driveway to pour tomorrow starting at 5:00am:crying:.
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I feel for you on both counts ;). Glad to hear it’s working out (and that you will be getting a workout tomorrow as well :rotfl: )

Eamon
 
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