Mad woman or holy woman?

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Happy2bcatholic

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I basically want to know if the fantastic story that a friend told me is at all probable! I’m thinking that she might be a mad woman after what she told me last night.

Let me explain my situation. I’m a wife and new mother and this 40+ year old woman is a friend of about 3 years. She is very religious and spiritual like myself. This woman wishes she had a husband and were married like myself (she has stated so) but she says that the church has prevented her from doing so. She explained how the church has prevented her and immediately my mommy instinct when up and I felt that I shouldn’t let my newborn around her. I would be sad to see a friendship end though.

She told me that the church will not allow her to marry in the church because the diocese we live in has opened a cause for canonization of her. I should also say that about a year ago she did tell me that she has a chemical imbalance and she is medicated for that. She said that several years ago at work, that the Blessed Virgin Mary (disguised as a regular work-a-day person) came to a conference at work and sat next to her and others their felt that Our Lady was there to indicate that my friend was given special graces from God so that she can be a role model for young people. Recently at work (a different job) according to her she said that others saw a halo around her head and others say that they smell the scent of roses on her every now and then. I told my friend that I never noticed any of these things about her. She said that the church is keeping track of all of these things and will never approve of a marriage in the church and all these stories follow her from job to job? She says that phenomena surrounds her. She also said that the church thinks that she doesn’t know about this but when she walks by different priests sometimes she’ll hear them talking about her and so actually she knows everything. She said that her Dad had a nervous breakdown about this because trouble always seems to find her (meaning that holding down a job always seems to be difficult for her because someone at work always doesn’t like her and she said that that is the devil at work.) She also believes that she will not live past the age of 50 years old. I think she might possibly be very sad over being not married and childless and so has invented this story and somehow believes it. Another part of me likes to believe in fairytales and would like to believe in it. Is her story at all probable?
 
The canonization process does not start until five years after a person’s death, never before, although that five year period can be shortened as in the case of our beloved JPII.

This person appears to be seriously mentally ill.
 
Keep in mind, that until very recently, you could not be canonized a saint until you had been dead for 50 years! It was considered shocking, if I recall correctly, when Thomas Aquinas was canonized after 49 years.
 
There have been married saints. Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton comes to mind. So, why would the Catholic church conspire to keep a holy person unmarried. Also, why would a saint announce that they were a saint? Is she doing things outside of the normal realm of charitable behavior?

Have you talked with any of her coworkers to verify the story of the smell of roses? I don’t want to use the word lying to describe what she is doing but if she has a mental disorder she might believe that coworkers have told her that they smell roses when they don’t.
 
What gives me cause for concern is where she says that when she walks by Priests… she KNOWS they are talking about her situation. Scary. I agree with the posters who say she might be suffering from a mental illness.

I would keep her away from my baby.
 
This poor woman has delusions of grandeur and might be psychotic. Pray for her and never, ever leave your baby alone with her, even when your baby is a teenager. You might even talk to your parish priest about her, because she is creating confusion and scandal. Keep your distance, you are not her therapist or her mother. You might be able to help her by doing some research and finding a authentic Catholic psychiatrist for her and recommending that she talk to this person about her issues. God bless you.
 
I think she may be seriously mentally ill. Trust your instincts with this one.
 
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Happy2bcatholic:
I basically want to know if the fantastic story that a friend told me is at all probable! I’m thinking that she might be a mad woman after what she told me last night.

Let me explain my situation. I’m a wife and new mother and this 40+ year old woman is a friend of about 3 years. She is very religious and spiritual like myself. This woman wishes she had a husband and were married like myself (she has stated so) but she says that the church has prevented her from doing so. She explained how the church has prevented her and immediately my mommy instinct when up and I felt that I shouldn’t let my newborn around her. I would be sad to see a friendship end though.

She told me that the church will not allow her to marry in the church because the diocese we live in has opened a cause for canonization of her. I should also say that about a year ago she did tell me that she has a chemical imbalance and she is medicated for that. She said that several years ago at work, that the Blessed Virgin Mary (disguised as a regular work-a-day person) came to a conference at work and sat next to her and others their felt that Our Lady was there to indicate that my friend was given special graces from God so that she can be a role model for young people. Recently at work (a different job) according to her she said that others saw a halo around her head and others say that they smell the scent of roses on her every now and then. I told my friend that I never noticed any of these things about her. She said that the church is keeping track of all of these things and will never approve of a marriage in the church and all these stories follow her from job to job? She says that phenomena surrounds her. She also said that the church thinks that she doesn’t know about this but when she walks by different priests sometimes she’ll hear them talking about her and so actually she knows everything. She said that her Dad had a nervous breakdown about this because trouble always seems to find her (meaning that holding down a job always seems to be difficult for her because someone at work always doesn’t like her and she said that that is the devil at work.) She also believes that she will not live past the age of 50 years old. I think she might possibly be very sad over being not married and childless and so has invented this story and somehow believes it. Another part of me likes to believe in fairytales and would like to believe in it. Is her story at all probable?
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That woman definitely needs prayers. I hope she gets the help she needs.
 
Thank you all for your advice and I will follow it, except for calling her work to verify things. When she was telling me this story I asked her the name of the woman who was supposedly the Blessed Virgin Mary who showed up at work and sat next to her at a meeting and I even offered to look her up on the web to verify it so to help her get the ‘diocese off of her case’ so she could marry. She said that that person doesn’t really exist even though everyone could see that she was a flesh and blood woman and she forgets what name that woman ‘used’. VERY strange! Thank you. Its sad to lose a friend. If I didn’t have children I might have stayed her frieind but I think I’m going to have to distance myself. Thanks!
 
I agree with previous posters. This poor woman sounds delusional. Don’t worry about verifying what she’s telling you. The things she’s saying are proof enough that she’s out of touch with reality. It sounds to me like she should be under the care of a competent psychiatrist.
 
As you said, she has told you that she has been medicated.
From the sound of it, it sounds as if she is off her meds. Being friends with her is fine as long as you understand a few things, and one of the more critical issues is that you understand that you are not responsible for her, or for her condition.

Too many people out of a combination of good will and naievety have gotten themsleves tangled up with someone who is delusional, and out of a sincere desire to thelp that individual, have succeeded in making their own life miserable and chaotic.

People who are delusional need professional medical help. If they are getting it, they need to be (mildly) encouraged to stay that course.

The problem with meds is that while they succeed in assisting the individual in keeping the delusions reasonably controlled, they cause side effects which often the patient does not like; there is a tendency to go off meds either because of the side effects, or a belief that they don’t need them anymore, or a combination of the two. Not good.

At that point, trying to intervene and cause way more problems than anticipated, and bears a very low likelyhood of success.

all in all, these people need friends and support, and for the largest part they are not going to harm anyone. If you wish to continue the friendship, you need to do it with a clear understanding of the problems she has to live with (you don’t need a diagnosis, but you need to understand the impact her problems can have on you), and the willingness to break it off if she starts to tangle you up in her problems. That may sound clod hearted, but the fact of the matter is that you can’t solve her problems, and if she goes off meds, you are not what she needs; she needs professional help and your likelyhood of achieving that is awfully near zero to negative 5.

read up on mental illness and its treatments, and also read up on how families and friends deal with the issues.

She needs friends, but she does not need someone who falls into co dependency or related issues.
 
Remember, that mental illness is just that - an illness. The affects of her illness, however, could be dangerous to those around her and so you should be cautious. It is so difficult - I deal with women who are dual diagnosed a lot and I have to remember that as much as I wish to be available for them in their struggles with alcoholism, I live with my mom. My mom is 84 years old and has worked hard all her life - she deserves a house of peace and love and tranquility. SO…you get my drift…
 
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Happy2bcatholic:
I She explained how the church has prevented her and immediately my mommy instinct when up and I felt that I shouldn’t let my newborn around her. I would be sad to see a friendship end though.

She told me that the church will not allow her to marry in the church because the diocese we live in has opened a cause for canonization of her. I should also say that about a year ago she did tell me that she has a chemical imbalance and she is medicated for that. ?
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I think you have everything you need to know. this lady needs to stay on her meds, your mommy instinct is working perfectly. Never leave this woman alone around your child.
 
Thank you all for your responses! My husband and I now feel that we should break it off with her and that we should have some criteria in place prior to inviting someone into our home - aside from the normal things. To say again, this woman who I’m ending my friendship with showed no signs of problems. Yes she did seem to have trouble holding down a job and she was a nervous person and had minor quirks. But really nothing else. Perhaps if a person cannot hold down a job might be a telltale sign? Your thoughts please on this. Thank you.
 
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Happy2bcatholic:
To say again, this woman who I’m ending my friendship with showed no signs of problems. Yes she did seem to have trouble holding down a job and she was a nervous person and had minor quirks. But really nothing else. Perhaps if a person cannot hold down a job might be a telltale sign? Your thoughts please on this. Thank you.
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being delusional and paranoid are not minor quirks, they are indeed major mental health problems. maybe or maybe not this is the reason she can’t hold down a job. But someone who is living her life in a delusional state is not someone to trust around children. have you any influence on her or her family to see that she gets help?
 
not her family but I can suggest it to her. I’m considering talking to a priest even though she told me this info. in private. Thank you for respnding.
 
Just my own two cents: Any person who is truly as holy as she claims to be would not “flaunt” her holiness to others. Talking about one’s own piety is not pious. She’s either got some serious pride issues or she’s delusional. I think she leans more towards delusional. I did know a person like that in college - the sweetest, nicest person, but the more I got to know her the less I wish I would have known about her.
 
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