Making 'spiritual' friends

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Eruvande

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I know no Catholics in real life. I only know a few online. This makes my conversion journey probably more challenging than it needs to be. On the rare occasions I get to mass, everyone seems to hot foot it out the door before the last hymn is finished, and each time I’ve been there is no coffee or tea afterwards, which is what I’m used to in a protestant service.

I’m hoping to get there on Saturday, and hoping there will be some space to socialize afterwards, but I’m tremendously nervous about speaking to strangers, and don’t really know how to introduce myself. ‘Confused protestant finding out about Catholicism’? I don’t want to come across as scarily zealous, but I don;t want to be a wall flower an not speak to anyone, either. There’s a happy medium, I know. Help this nervous person pluck up the courage to make contact with someone in Real Life who can be a friend as I make my journey!
 
Eruvande said:
I know no Catholics in real life. I only know a few online. This makes my conversion journey probably more challenging than it needs to be. On the rare occasions I get to mass, everyone seems to hot foot it out the door before the last hymn is finished, and each time I’ve been there is no coffee or tea afterwards, which is what I’m used to in a protestant service.

I’m hoping to get there on Saturday, and hoping there will be some space to socialize afterwards, but I’m tremendously nervous about speaking to strangers, and don’t really know how to introduce myself. ‘Confused protestant finding out about Catholicism’? I don’t want to come across as scarily zealous, but I don;t want to be a wall flower an not speak to anyone, either. There’s a happy medium, I know. Help this nervous person pluck up the courage to make contact with someone in Real Life who can be a friend as I make my journey!
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The main focus in the Catholic Mass is the Eucharist, we do not socialize after Mass, at least at the churches I go to.
 
Sometimes local parishes have groups that you can join, even if you aren’t yet Catholic or don’t belong to that particular parish. My local parishes have groups for men, women, young adults, mothers, etc. Once it’s warm out my parish has also asked for help with maintaining the church garden. Another option is to find some volunteer work with a local Catholic organization. This might include homeless shelters, pregnancy help programs or other pro-life groups, soup kitchens, food banks, and other social services organizations.

I have recently realized that I, too, need to find some good Catholic friends as the few that I have live halfway across the country from me. These are the options that I’m exploring and I hope I will find some good people to associate with. Good luck and God bless you on your journey!
 
Techno2000 said:
The main focus in the Catholic Mass is the Eucharist, we do not socialize after Mass, at least at the churches I go to.
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At my parish there is quiet in the church before Mass, as people are praying silently.

However, after Mass, about two times a month, there is coffee and donuts, or ice cream. I have gotten to know many parishioners, and joined some ministries. We go into the church hall where there are many round tables that seat 6 or 7.

We cannot be aloof from one another as we are in the Body of Christ and need to be there for each other.
Our pastor and other priest go around and chat with the parishioners, and we all get to know one another better.
 
If want sociality;
Join a prayer group for people your age, google online whats local,
Join the local church choir,
Go to some church committees, or courses or studies,
Eg bible group, pastoral committee,

Then you will get to know people of the faith.

(Also: with Jesus there is no age barrier, a friend in Christ is a friend in Christ.)

if there is nothing local, ask the priest could you put up a.notice in the church hall for a prayer group you’d like to set up in the church one early evening per week (or in the parish hall or centre.

And simply have a Rosary and divine mercy, then tea and biscuits for all.
Eruvande said:
I know no Catholics in real life. I only know a few online. This makes my conversion journey probably more challenging than it needs to be. On the rare occasions I get to mass, everyone seems to hot foot it out the door before the last hymn is finished, and each time I’ve been there is no coffee or tea afterwards, which is what I’m used to in a protestant service.

I’m hoping to get there on Saturday, and hoping there will be some space to socialize afterwards, but I’m tremendously nervous about speaking to strangers, and don’t really know how to introduce myself. ‘Confused protestant finding out about Catholicism’? I don’t want to come across as scarily zealous, but I don;t want to be a wall flower an not speak to anyone, either. There’s a happy medium, I know. Help this nervous person pluck up the courage to make contact with someone in Real Life who can be a friend as I make my journey!
Click to expand...
 
Dear OP, I totally understand. I totally get where ur coming from, & i’m not a convert. Its the most difficult thing in the world, it seems to connect with catholics. There are always so many obstacles. Our priest told everyone they should have a spiritual director who could be a type of friend, but mainly to guide us. He said to choose someone who is holy & advanced. Well, how do you know? The only options are priests if you dont have any catholic connections/ friends, & priests are so busy etc…
 
On occasion; some Parishes (mine does) may have a Communion Breakfast after Mass. During the weekday Mass of certain Feast Days my Parish will have coffee & cake after Mass. Such as:

St. Patrick’s Day - Irish Soda Bread & Irish coffee
St. Joseph’s Day - St. Joseph’s pastry & espresso coffee with sambucca
St. Anthony’s Day - St. Anthony’s bread with espresso coffee
 
Most of the Catholic parishes around here have coffee and donuts after Mass. Mine has a “Community Meal” every other month. We are hoping to expand it to every month and get other churches to have them so we have one somewhere in the area every week. They are for everybody, not just the indigent or homeless (although we get a lot of homeless and indigent people), and all are encouraged to share the table with strangers and make friends with them. Parishi.oners provide the food.

We also have a lot of Sunday dinners put on by various groups, and a couple of weeks ago they had a dance for all ages on a Sunday afternoon just to get people out of the house to have some fun during this long snowy cold winter.

All of these things were organized by regular parishioners willing to step out of their comfort zones.

Also, my friends and I made our own fellowship group. We get together once a month at a local restaurant for breakfast and study of spiritual reading. The restaurant is very gracious about letting us take up 3 hours of time at their table, there are 9 of us, and we have been meeting for 5 years now. We also do things like go to dinner together, etc.

If the church does not have much available, start something. It only needs to be 3 or 4 people to work. You will be surprised at how, when others get wind of it, they want to do it too.

What I am saying is that it is possible to make your own group to have regular fellowship with
 
Thank you all. To be clear, the reason I go to mass is to be near the true presence of Jesus, and if that’s the only friendship I have there, it will be quite enough. I’m not going to go up and announce myself during the homily or anything. I would just like to get to know a real life Catholic 🙂
 
Eruvande said:
I know no Catholics in real life. I only know a few online. This makes my conversion journey probably more challenging than it needs to be. On the rare occasions I get to mass, everyone seems to hot foot it out the door before the last hymn is finished, and each time I’ve been there is no coffee or tea afterwards, which is what I’m used to in a protestant service.

I’m hoping to get there on Saturday, and hoping there will be some space to socialize afterwards, but I’m tremendously nervous about speaking to strangers, and don’t really know how to introduce myself. ‘Confused protestant finding out about Catholicism’? I don’t want to come across as scarily zealous, but I don;t want to be a wall flower an not speak to anyone, either. There’s a happy medium, I know. Help this nervous person pluck up the courage to make contact with someone in Real Life who can be a friend as I make my journey!
Click to expand...
I know the feeling. I was Protestant, but crossed the Tiber some time ago.

Most of the Protestant churches I attended had some sort of outreach after the service. Either people just stood around after the service and talked, some had tea and coffee afterwards. In the Presbyterian Church I attended when I first became Christian, the pastor seemed to have a policy of trying to include everybody. I don’t see that in the Catholic Church I’m afraid. And the Presbyterian church also had a pleasant group of young people.

Most of the people in the Catholic Church have come through the Catholic system, and so they already know a lot of Catholic friends and colleagues. But you haven’t.

In your particular case, you may have to take on an extra load, and look around for a group that you can get involved in and make that the core of your “social” contacts.

In my case, the strongest links I have with my local church are my Saint Vincent de Paul conference; the fact I had a job sort of associated with the church for a while; was a reader for a while; and a bloke I work with who also happens to be in one of the churches I attend.

If I go to my wife’s Baptist Church though, there’s tea and coffee after the service ***every week! ***But even there, I tend to know a smaller group of people, mainly those whom my wife associates with.

So it boils down to finding a small group of people with a common interest if you can and getting to know them well. Even if you had coffee and biscuits afterwards, the practical reality is that you can only relate to a small number of people in any depth. You need to find that small group of people.
 
You need to join some group according to your interest. That is the best way to make friends. Even if you say “Hi” to some one after Mass and exchange your names, you are not going to make “friends”. But if you join a group, such as Bible Study, Small Church Community, RCIA, Arts and Crafts, Columbiattes, Mommy’s group, Choir, or any other group your parish has that may interest you, chances are you will make friends. When you belong to a group, you get together regularly and it is much easier to get to know people and build up friendship.
 
Thanks for taking the time to reply, everyone. You’ve given me plenty of ideas to be going along with. FWIW, I’ve discovered online that the Saturday 5pm Mass has coffee afterwards in the parish centre. Not that I know where that is, but it’s a start - I shall try and follow my nose as people leave, and see where they all head 🙂
 
That’s great. Best of luck, I hope you meet some nice people. I know what this is like, attended church for years, alone, without knowing any other Catholics. It can be really hard to be alone like that.
 
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