Marital Frustration?

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LightFury

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I have been married since 2016, so it’ll be three years soon, and I’m having marital relation issues. We’re both in our mid-20s, and we have a 6-month baby girl. We’ve been together a total of five years (2013).

My husband and I have relations maybe 2-4 times a month, and approximately a quarter of the time he doesn’t finish. He usually says that he’s too tired. He may be, but it still makes me feel as if I’m insufficient. If I can’t please him sufficiently in 5-15 minutes, there must be something wrong with me, correct? I already feel as if I’m the least attractive woman my age (which, just by looking at the women I see in church, is mostly true); this certainly doesn’t help.

In addition, I went six months in 2018 without any intimacy because my husband was at basic training. I was 6 weeks pregnant when he left, and pregnancy really upped my sex drive, which was excruciating. Now I feel almost as if I’m reliving that time again, and I’m losing my mind.

While these issues started almost 2 years ago, now there may be something new to the mix. My husband knows I eventually want another baby, and I think he might also be holding off because I’m not on birth control and he doesn’t want me to get pregnant. I don’t think he’s open to having a larger family, even though I am willing to compromise on a maximum of two children for him. He pulls out, which I do not morally agree with, but it’s another compromise.

My sexual frustration is through the roof, and I find my eyes straying even though I hate it and I feel dirty for doing so. I’ve prayed continuously for God to take away my temptations and impure thoughts, but they are so intrusive I can’t keep up. It’s very frustrating, because I hear about so many men who wish their wives were more interested in sexual intimacy, and here I am over here by myself with intense sexual frustration that isn’t being fulfilled. I feel like the only woman in the world with this problem.

What do I do? How do I endure?
 
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Couples counseling, and your husband would probably benefit from a complete physical.

If he is genuinely too tired to finish, there could be something affecting his health, such as depression, sleep apnea, or a thyroid problem - and that’s just for starters. A complete checkup would allow him to determine if there’s a medical issue.
 
Pulling out is such an unreliable form of birth control, there’s a good chance it will fail anyway. (One tiny drop of lubrication can contain a lot of sperm.) Not that that makes it okay, just sayin’ I’m not sure what he thinks he’s accomplishing.
 
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Fear of pregnancy is one of the biggest libido-killers around. Come to a meeting of the minds on this issue.
 
My husband suggests bringing God into the marriage (like a Church group) like a triangle, both of you focused on God and being honest with each other. And he says to do what you can to bringing more gasoline on the fire of your love. When you put God on your life, every time he gets home from work be waiting for him with hugs, kisses & food, let him know everything is okay. Focus on the positive and leave the negative to God, that will reduce stress & bring fire to your love.
 
The “pull out” method worked for two years for us, so I’m not sure how it works with other people, but for us it’s been “good” (I know it’s playing Russian roulette either way).
 
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