If the Catholic faith is not important enough to you to take it seriously, then why do you care about getting married in it? I always wonder about people who cannot be bothered with the obligations of their faith, but want the fun goodies that come from it, like pretty ceremonies and the parties afterwards.
My mother is a lot like you. She had bad experiences, and imputed them to the whole Church, not to the individual sinners who committed them. She was beaten over the head by a nun at her school. Yes, that is way over the line and horrible, but does anyone really think such behavior is sanctioned by the Church? She has rejected the entire Church, including all the truth, beauty, and goodness she contains, because of the actions of some sinners who were members of it. And yet, when I speak to her, it is absolutely stunning how ignorant she is of the faith she has rejected. She doesn’t really know what she has thrown away, and doesn’t care to learn.
I forget who it was, but someone on these boards in the last few days cited St. Thomas More. He lived in a time of massive corruption of the Church. The Reformation happened for a reason. I am not saying that the Protestants were right, but the Catholic Church was rife with abuses and immorality at the highest institutional levels, and refused to deal with that. They even accused critics who begged the Church to reform of heresy. And yet, Thomas More, the humble, simple family man who ended up in the highest circles of power in Henry VIII’s government (and hated every minute of it, he wanted to be home with his family but felt obligated to England to use the gifts Henry saw and admired) gave his life for that very same Church. He knew that the Catholic Church had the truth and was the True Church established by Christ upon the rock of Peter. He chose to see and fight for that, instead of abandoning the Church because of the actions of some of the sinners running it. He told Henry that his farcical attempts to justify an annulment of his marriage to Catherine of Aragon were wrong and immoral, and that he needed to stop living in sin with Anne Boleyn and return to his wife. He stood up for the Catholic Church’s vision of marriage and her authority to regulate it. And Henry chopped off his head. Thomas More knew how corrupt the Church was, he even protested against it. But he still gave his life in defense of the Church when he was asked to. He could have recanted, and Henry would have spared him. They were great friends at one time, and Henry had a great affection for him. But Thomas chose not to do that.
So how wussy are we when we complain about what a few sinners did to us and abandon the Church because of it? I am not saying that what happened to you is right. I think Catholic schools like the one you went to only serve to drive people from the Church. I know mine sure didn’t help my faith any. My husband drew me back to the Church, with the strength of his commitment, and the beauty of his love. And there is one of the great truths you are choosing not to see. The Church is full of wonderful, loving people who only want to help you on your faith journey. The ones you dismiss as old people who are only in the pews out of fear of the afterlife are probably the ones who serve the parish, work in the ministries, and pay the bills. They may be the ones running RCIA to help people learn and discover the Catholic faith. They may be the ones running RE and youth ministry, to reach out to young Catholics and keep their faith alive. People don’t have to be your own age for you to interact or work with them effectively. How narrow and limiting is that? I have wonderful friendships with people at my parish, some my own age, but most older and some much older. A couple that have become friends of my daughter and me are retirees from Minnesota, easily in their late 60s or early 70s. I am 33 and my daughter is 10. It is valuable to her, and to me, to have relationships with people of all ages and experience, especially when we share a common faith and a common mission to keep it alive and healthy.
My point with this very long, pretty ranty post is this: If you are going to be Catholic, then be Catholic. If you aren’t going to be Catholic, then don’t be. But pick one. And one other point: the way you interact with the world is your choice. You can choose to dwell on the bad, and reject whole institutions and groups because of it. Or you can realize that all institutions have good and bad in them, and choose to focus on the good, and be part of it. Those who run from the bad and abandon the institution do not fight against the bad or help to run it out.
