Marriage: An act of ever-perfecting union

[Edward_H]

I think there’s helpful spiritual grist in thinking about marriage as an inclined plane toward an ever-greater union between the man and the woman, and God.

The Sacrament in this sense begins an act of communion, gives and sets aside actual and sanctifying grace for the couple to use in their marriage ahead, striving to build an ever more perfect union with their lives until one of them dies, in the hands of God.

This union is intended to be across all of the faculties of the person: Intellect, will, emotions, appetites, body, intention, etc.

I think if more couples understood this idea of growing more in union each day, there would not just be fewer failed marriages, there would be many more “great marriages”, after all the goal of all and each marriage is a great marriage, not just a good marriage.

As with God, the life of holiness of each person should be an inclined plane leading us to Him; so to with Marriage.

Thus, there are “two axis of unity”: Ours with God, and ours with our wife; both converging on God, of course.

 

[Saxum]

I like your sentiments but I’m not sure they’re accurate.

Marriage is a contract in which a biological male and a biological female agree to give and receive perpetual and exclusive rights to acts, which of themselves, are ordered towards the propagation of children.

This perpetual and exclusive contract is formed during the wedding ceremony. This contract does not become more binding over time. However, I could agree that the spouses can, over time, deepen their understanding of and commitment to their marital vows.

 

[Edward_H]

Well nothing I said counters the definition given.

God hopes to “use” the challenges and difficulties of marriage to help us to grow in every virtue, perfecting the love of our marriage, as through a forge. Marriage was designed to make us canonizable saints.

The contract doesn’t become more binding (I didn’t say it did)…the dimensions of the full union, however, should be becoming ever more perfect, given that our fallen nature “tends us” toward selfishness (which is precisely the opposite of union).

God gives us the Sacraments of Holy Communion and Confession to help us do this.

Saint Thomas Aquinas speaks about love having to reach its intended state of perfection…and that’s the notion I am discussing here.

St Josemaria used the “rock tumbler” metaphor to describe this aspect of perfecting.

 

[Saxum]

St Josemaria used the “rock tumbler” metaphor to describe this aspect of perfecting.

I am an Opus Dei cooperator and hope to become a supernumerary in the future when I have the ability to travel. Can you share the source for this please? It’s very interesting to me.

Regarding the other comments, I see what you mean. The objective nature of the marriage contract does not change over time. However, the daily struggles and commitment to the marriage vocation enables the spouses to grow in virtue and love. And this growth in virtue and love should strengthen the subjective commitment of the spouses to marital union. Is this what you meant?

 

[Edward_H]

Hi Saxum.

Yes, that’s the idea. The one flesh union (una caro) is done in God’s mind…but God grants us great dignity by allowing us to fully incarnate this union into more and more aspects of our marriage…parenting should create still more unity, with all of its work, etc.

I do greatly appreciate the distinction you provided. Thank you.

There are several places in St Josemaria’ writings where this idea of refinement and polishing is used…one that was easy to find is this one.

From the Way: point 756

We are blocks of stone that can move and feel, that have a perfectly free will.

God himself is the stone-cutter who works on us, chipping off the rough edges, shaping us as he desires, with blows of the hammer and chisel.

Don’t let us try to draw aside, don’t let us want to escape his will, for in any case we won’t be able to avoid the blows. We will suffer all the more, and uselessly— and instead of polished stone, ready for the work of building, we will be a shapeless heap of gravel that people will trample contemptuously under foot.

 

[Saxum]

Yes, that’s the idea. The one flesh union (una caro) is done in God’s mind…but God grants us great dignity by allowing us to fully incarnate this union into more and more aspects of our marriage…parenting should create still more unity, with all of its work, etc.

Thanks for sharing the point from the Way. I’ll definitely research this aspect of the Founder’s teaching in greater depth.

When you mention the fact that we can ‘fully incarnate this union’ does this mean that the marriage bond should progressively reveal the Triune mystery of the Godhead? I’ve often thought that the marriage vocation reveals and clarifies theological truths. St. Josemaria calls the family the ‘Holy Trinity on Earth’ because the union of two persons produces a third. St John Paul II also said that the marital union was an icon for the Holy Trinity - it revealed the mystery of God’s inner life.

Alternatively, does the reference to incarnation refer to the fact that Our Lord had a divine and human natures? Marriage also has a divine and human aspect. And it could be said that the progressive physical union of the spouses will facilitate greater spiritual union among themselves and with God.

 

[Edward_H]

Yes, interestingly…I believe Dr Fitzgibbons is a friend of the Work, or has some contact with Opus Dei.

See this video of his on this sort of unity; these ideas explained briefly by Dr Fitzgibbons were originaly developed by John Paul II in his Love and Responsibility and in his Theology of the Body thinking/writing.


And Yes…we’re to imitate Jesus Christ, placing Him at the summit of every activity (as St Josemaria spoke of).

And yes, your last sentence nailed it all and summed it up so well.