Marriage and Baptisim

[granjero]

Hello. I wasn’t sure where to ask this, hopefully though this is the correct place. I am a non-catholic Christian, married to a Catholic woman. We have a year old son and my wife wants to have him baptized. I don’t have a problem with it, though I don’t believe in infant baptisims, I see no harm in it. I should also note that my wife has some issues with the Catholic church so she is not currently attending one and doesn’t seem to want to ask a priest or deacon this. So here I am.

The questions are, in the catholic faith, is marriage between a catholic and non-catholic recognized by the church? Will the Church baptize a child of the two? The Godparents would also not be catholic.

My wife’s relationship with the Church is complicated and I won’t go into it here, but it is important to her to have this done and that makes it important to me.

I appreciate the help.

 

[Apagano]

You must have at least One Catholic god-parent. The second person would be considered a sponsor. It sounds as if you weren’t married in the Church. Are you baptized? A marriage between two baptized Christians is considered valid although not Sacramental. The Church may baptize the child, BUT if the Priest doesn’t think that you will raise the child Catholic he may decide that baptism in the Church isn’t appropriate.

 

[1ke]

The questions are, in the catholic faith, is marriage between a catholic and non-catholic recognized by the church?

If the Catholic folowed the laws of the Church in how they went about getting married, yes. This would mean that the two of you attended marriage preparation with the priest, completed premarital paperwork (freedom to marry) and received all the proper permissions on the Catholic’s end of things, and either married in the Catholic form (before a priest and two witnesses) or received a dispensation from form so that she could be married elsewhere.

Since you are asking this question, is it safe to assume these things did not occur? If not, then your wife has created what is called an irregular marriage situation-- she did not follow the Church’s requirements to marry validly. This can easily be corrected through what is called a simple convalidation. She needs to speak to her priest about this.

Will the Church baptize a child of the two?

Maybe.

The Church requires that there is a well-founded hope that the child will be raised Catholic and the Catholic parent will meet all their obligations regarding taking the child to Mass, helping the child grown in the faith, and ensuring the child receives the remaining sacraments (eucharist and confirmation) at the appropriate time.

The priest evaluates this case by case. I have to say though that a woman married outside the Church who currently does not attend Mass herself would not inspire such confidence in me were I the priest. At a minimum I think your wife would have to show some real commitment to the faith and raising the child Catholic.

My wife’s relationship with the Church is complicated and I won’t go into it here, but it is important to her to have this done and that makes it important to me.

I appreciate the help.

God bless you both. The best thing to do is to make an appointment with her priest and sit down with him to talk about convalidating the marriage and baptizing the children. These are not complicated problems, but they may require her to resolve her “issues” with the Church.

 

[granjero]

Thank you all for your responses. This has answered the questions I had and she wasn’t sure of.

Since you are asking this question, is it safe to assume these things did not occur? If not, then your wife has created what is called an irregular marriage situation-- she did not follow the Church’s requirements to marry validly. This can easily be corrected through what is called a simple convalidation. She needs to speak to her priest about this.

We were married by my pastor from a protastant church. I’m fairly certain, based on the responses here, a priest would not be comfortable with it. Despite my wife’s issues with the Church, she is a believer. As am I in my own protastent beliefs. My wife went to Mass in Mexico and seemed to think the Church was more lenient there.

I wasn’t quite sure about the rules and regulations of Catholic Marriage and Baptism.

Thank you all for responding so quickly.

 

[1ke]

We were married by my pastor from a protastant church. I’m fairly certain, based on the responses here, a priest would not be comfortable with it.

The Church makes allowances for a Catholic marrying a non-Catholic called a dispensation from form. If your wife had done so, your marriage would have been perfectly valid with no problem.

Since she did not, this can be taken care of through what is called convalidation (and maybe even a process called radical sanation). Your wife needs to speak to her priest.

The problem is that she did not do what needed to be done from the Catholic standpoint, clearly she didn’t ask about it-- a lot of people don’t. It can all be resolved fairly easily.

 

[Usige]

The priest evaluates this case by case. I have to say though that a woman married outside the Church who currently does not attend Mass herself would not inspire such confidence in me were I the priest. At a minimum I think your wife would have to show some real commitment to the faith and raising the child Catholic.

I know the above would cause issues in our parish. Parents must attend a baptism class and if they have not been members for at least 6 months they are asked to provide a letter from their previous pastor or someone who knows them well stating at least one parent is a practicing Catholic in good standing. A similar letter is required for the child’s godparents if they are not members of the parish.

To the OP, the biggest concern is if your wife want to baptize your child purely for “cultural” reasons. In other words if she feels it is important just because she was raised Catholic, but that she does not believe the Catholic faith and therefore will not pass that faith on then to what reason would the sacrament be conferred? This is the same reason that at least on godparent is required to be a practicing Catholic. They are charged with raising the child in the Catholic faith if their parents are unable to.

 

[1ke]

I know the above would cause issues in our parish. Parents must attend a baptism class and if they have not been members for at least 6 months they are asked to provide a letter from their previous pastor or someone who knows them well stating at least one parent is a practicing Catholic in good standing. A similar letter is required for the child’s godparents if they are not members of the parish.

While that may be the standard way in which the parish deals with baptisms, it is entirely up to the pastor to determine the appropriate response for any particular situation. What i said in no way contradicts that they may have to take a class. In fact, it is a very good idea since the OP is not a Catholic and needs to understand the promises being made at the baptism.

 

[Usige]

While that may be the standard way in which the parish deals with baptisms, it is entirely up to the pastor to determine the appropriate response for any particular situation. What i said in no way contradicts that they may have to take a class. In fact, it is a very good idea since the OP is not a Catholic and needs to understand the promises being made at the baptism.

I agree. I was just sharing my experience. Really it come down to the priest having to decide if the child has a reasonable chance of being raised in the faith.

 

[granjero]

The Church makes allowances for a Catholic marrying a non-Catholic called a dispensation from form. If your wife had done so, your marriage would have been perfectly valid with no problem.

Since she did not, this can be taken care of through what is called convalidation (and maybe even a process called radical sanation). Your wife needs to speak to her priest.

The problem is that she did not do what needed to be done from the Catholic standpoint, clearly she didn’t ask about it-- a lot of people don’t. It can all be resolved fairly easily.

I think though, that we could not, well, I could not, assure a priest that he will be raised Catholic. While I don’t see the harm in a baptism, and do want my wife to be happy, I wouldn’t lie to have it done.
Our marriage has been complicated from the start, not just with religious differences but cultural also, whereas I don’t feel any harm will come, I can comprimise.

While we have attended Mass a few times, she has no paticular church she attends regulary and I don’t believe she speaks to Priests as a general rule. (previous issues) She does attend my church occasionally also, at my request.

I know the above would cause issues in our parish. Parents must attend a baptism class and if they have not been members for at least 6 months they are asked to provide a letter from their previous pastor or someone who knows them well stating at least one parent is a practicing Catholic in good standing. A similar letter is required for the child’s godparents if they are not members of the parish.

To the OP, the biggest concern is if your wife want to baptize your child purely for “cultural” reasons. In other words if she feels it is important just because she was raised Catholic, but that she does not believe the Catholic faith and therefore will not pass that faith on then to what reason would the sacrament be conferred? This is the same reason that at least on godparent is required to be a practicing Catholic. They are charged with raising the child in the Catholic faith if their parents are unable to.

To be honest, I’m not sure. I do know she believes in baptisim for infants and the Catholic faith and wants to do it for the sake of our son. If I didn’t think she did, and just wanted to do it for the sake of tradition, I would probably be more proned to dismiss the idea.

We have discussed how we will raise our child. It’s been a point of contention at times. For me, my beliefs are non-negotiable. I can’t reconcile them with the Catholic belief system. While my wife does attend church with me (and vice versa) she has never backed down from what she believes either. I respect her for that. I guess my point is, that our son will be raised with both of our point of views. Thus, I believe a Priest, would not be too comfortable with the idea of baptisim if it is necasarry for him to know the child will be raised catholic.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Don’t take it personally if the priest refuses. My dad was Catholic, my mom protestant. My parents took me to monsignor to be baptized, and he refused. (He was also my dad’s uncle) He refused because my parents were headed for divorce and there was no way that my violent and alcoholic father was going to get to raise me. And my mom wouldn’t have had the desire or ability to do it on her own. To this day she thinks it was because the church didn’t see me as being good enough to be baptized. Its unfortunate but because of that incident she sees Catholicism as a snooty, exclusive club that didn’t want her daughter, and she still harbors a lot of hostility over it. When he said no she said “If your church doesn’t want her, mine does.”. I’ve tried explaining, but it just doesn’t sink in.

 

[SonCatcher]

For me, my beliefs are non-negotiable. I can’t reconcile them with the Catholic belief system.

Well if they were, they wouldn’t really be beliefs, would they?

That said, there is always room to grow in faith and find deeper meaning in it, right? There is indeed much opportunity to find how much we share in common on this board if you are willing to avail yourself of it.