Marriage and Death

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lovemybatman

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Hi,
Was interested in thoughts on being afraid to get married due to not wanting to deal with/not being able to deal with the loss of spouse to death–not being sure if deep attachment and grief at the loss would be manageable. And how that might be compounded if this person is a nonbeliever. And how that might be a “sign” of a vocation to religious life in the sense that feeling unable to handle something like that means that one should remain detached from other people in this way.
 
Although you may have a calling to religious life, I don’t believe a fear of death of a spouse to be an indicating sign of that calling. It’s a fear, as you have said, which must be worked through. Running away from your fear by joining a religious order doesn’t solve the fear, it just stays beneath the surface. Religious have to deal with death all the time, whether it be a nun that passed away from a lengthy illness, or a patient they were taking care (nursing homes often are an apostolate), or a child who was in an accident (if they were a teacher, etc). Death is frightening to many. Believe me, I had to face my mortality at 16 after a death of a friend, and it pushed me into reactive depression and anxiety disorder because I did not know how to cope. The fear owned me and I lived everyday fearful that day would be my last. It’s only when I gave my fear to God and faced death head on without hiding that I overcame my fear, and I am a much stronger person because of it.

It could be that your fear needs to be dealt with in therapy. I would speak to a spiritual director (such as your parish priest) about it first, and then, if the SD thinks you need therapy, go from there. Being a religious is not a good way to hide from your problems. Religious have to be courageous. And just think–if you discover you are not called to religious/consecrated life, are you wanting to spend your life alone because you are afraid of death?

Something to think about… God bless you. 🙂
 
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