Marriage and SSA

[ClearSky]

There doesn’t seem to be any canonical impediments.

I tend to see people more on a spectrum with these sorts of attractions, and it is something one would need to discuss with their priest before getting married.

So it shouldn’t rule out a marriage, but it also should be seen with practicality.

Thanks SuperLuigi, your point seems to be in line with the other replies here. Not impossible, but proceed with caution. Make sure one is able to fulfill the vows of marriage. Do not deceive if asked. I get the feeling that it is similar to something like sexual history where it needs to be brought up if asked, but does not always have to be confessed up front. Please correct me if I wrong here.

 

[ClearSky]

Marriage is based on the complementarity of two persons of opposite sex, not necessarily sexual attraction. It would be a mistake, I think, to self-identify by ‘orientation’ since orientation can be rather fluid and non permanent, and once a person self-identifies in a particular way, it becomes very difficult to think in other terms.

Thanks JimG. For the longest time I had consigned myself to being “gay” but somehow I feel that maybe this is not the best thing to do after hearing that there are people who have successfully able to be married and raise families in spite of this struggle. I’ve only realized recently that lifelong celibacy is a serious commitment and not to be taken easily without proper discernment and preparation. It could very well be that I may end up in that vocation after all, but I’d like to give other vocations a possibility instead of feeling like I am simply “forced” to be there due to my situation.

 

[Gertabelle]

Thanks so much for your prayers Gertie!

Yes I agree, it is definitely counter to US culture (and many other cultures as well) to be chaste and celibate so having a support system in place is essential. Yet the same rarity of the situation makes it difficult to have such a support system as there are not many people around who are in a similar situation. Thank goodness there are groups like Courage which aims to offer precisely this type of support in a Catholic setting. I think such a support group would be helpful as well single people in general because it can get very lonely. I recently joined the Courage online group and have met some very nice people who are striving to be faithful to Christ. I also have a priest who I talked to somewhat regularly for direction.

I’m so glad you have started to find some good support.

Just to be clear, I wasn’t speaking of support just from others who are in exactly the same place as you – although that can be excellent in reminding you that you are not alone!

In fact, most of the people who are my support network for remaining chaste and celibate, are married friends, who must be chaste, but do not have to be celibate. For me, it’s not so much finding others who share my exact state in life (single mom), as finding others who love me with the love of God, and share a deep love for living the faith of the Church.

You remain in my prayers!

Gertie

 

[Vico]

Hello there,

First post here, thanks for reading

Would it be recommended for a person struggling with SSA to try and find a person of the opposite sex to marry?

Best regards.

*Fr. John Harvey, OSFS writes:*The fact that homosexual practices have wrecked many marriages has caused a psychiatrist and a canonist to consider the possibility of making homosexuality an impediment to marriage. Dr. John R. Cavanagh holds that steps should be taken to prevent unhappy marriages between a heterosexual and homosexual individual. Homosexuality should be made an impediment to matrimony, because "the homosexual cannot give proper matrimonial consent, . . . cannot develop a selfless love necessary in marriage . . . is psychologically impotent in a heterosexual relationship."1
1 Guild of Catholic Psychiatrists’ Bulletin, Washington, D.C., vol. 7, no. 2 (April, 1960), pp. 96-109 at p. 102.

Also, opinion of Msgr. Coburn:
He adds that the intention to practice homosexuality does not invalidate the marriage, but a condition (present or future) concerning homosexuality could form grounds for annulment provided adequate evidence could be produced to demonstrate that the validity of the contract depended upon the fulfillment of the condition of heterosexuality and that the condition was not fulfilled. In practice, Msgr. Coburn stresses, this would be almost impossible.5

5 The Jurist, “Homosexuality and the Invalidation of Marriage,” vol. 20, no. 4 (October, 1960), pp. 455-458.
catholicculture.org/culture/library/view.cfm?recnum=6380

 

[SuperLuigi]

Thanks SuperLuigi, your point seems to be in line with the other replies here. Not impossible, but proceed with caution. Make sure one is able to fulfill the vows of marriage. Do not deceive if asked. I get the feeling that it is similar to something like sexual history where it needs to be brought up if asked, but does not always have to be confessed up front. Please correct me if I wrong here.

I think in cases like these, the more information the better. I see too many cases on here about how later in a marriage more or more accurate sexual history is revealed, and it has shown to be a trying experience.

On the other hand, if you tell your fiancee you don’t care about the past, then you had BETTER mean it not just now but in the future-----keep in mind the existence of things like facebook and finding old love letters in a box in the closet…this isn’t something to be taken lightly, and posts in the Family Forum prove it.

 

[Joie_de_Vivre]

Thanks JimG. For the longest time I had consigned myself to being “gay” but somehow I feel that maybe this is not the best thing to do after hearing that there are people who have successfully able to be married and raise families in spite of this struggle. I’ve only realized recently that lifelong celibacy is a serious commitment and not to be taken easily without proper discernment and preparation. It could very well be that I may end up in that vocation after all, but I’d like to give other vocations a possibility instead of feeling like I am simply “forced” to be there due to my situation.

For people who are attracted to the opposite sex it is certainly possible to marry even if attracted to the same sex. This is something that should be disclosed to the person you want to marry, right before you plan to ask them to marry you is a good time.

 

[Kal2012]

Not everyone who has SSA acts on it. It is possible to find things erotic w/o acting on it.

I never have.

I’m happily married and I can’t imagine having or seriously desiring a Same-sex “life partner”.

I’m just not that interested when it comes right down to it.

 

[Rau]

Not everyone who has SSA acts on it. It is possible to find things erotic w/o acting on it.

I never have.

I’m happily married and I can’t imagine having or seriously desiring a Same-sex “life partner”.

I’m just not that interested when it comes right down to it.

Can we assume you experience attraction to the opposite sex?

 

[Allegra]

Back in the “good ole days”, it was very common for homosexual people to get married. It’s just what society expected people to do, so that’s what they did. The found a person they thought they could tolerate and got married. Some of these relationships involved infidelity, others were faithful and generally happy. I think it really depends on the people involved. If the person with SSA has absolutely zero interest in their spouse, it’s going to be a problem, but while one’s primary interests might be for hypothetical people of the same sex, that doesn’t always mean that they can’t develop an exclusive interest in the real life spouse that they have a loving, intimate relationship with. It’s the same as with a heterosexual person who has developed a preferred physical “type” in their mind, but actually falls in love with a real live person who doesn’t fit that “type” at all. Now if the person truly can’t stomach the idea of a relationship with anyone other than that “type”, then they probably shouldn’t mess around with people’s hearts and lives.