Marriage and SSA

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JoyToTheWhirled

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I have been married for over fifteen years now, and I still struggle with the SSA I dealt with before we were married. I of course didn’t expect that it just go away, but it is one painful cross to bear. I have to be careful who I talk to about it. My liberal friends think the fact that I still find my own sex alluring as proof I should never have married. My largely protestant conservative friends often talk about deliverance ministry.

I just need somewhere to say “I am not giving up, but this is hard” without someone jumping all over my head. Can anyone encourage me?
 
JTTW, I’ve had people tell me your story a lot, and read it a lot too.

I think you’ve got it exactly right, especially in your caution about whom you involve.

An acquaintance told me that when he got what he called “an attack of the DDGs” (for “Drop Dead Gorgeous”) he would have an unobtrusive chuckle at himself and reflect what a nice thing it is that there are so many attractive people in the world. That helped him along. (I think he was single though.)
 
It is hard, and more difficult because you can’t talk about it the way some can talk about their temptations. Your perseverance is admirable! And I know Christ is beside you every steps of the way.
 
Thank you for those links, and for all your kind words.
 
I don’t know what’s going on in your side of the marriage, but I believe that one of the best supports on carrying crosses, besides Christ, can be your spouse. Salvation is alone, but spouses can be each other’s way to heaven and help each other, and dependant children can help parents on becoming Saints as well.
 
Yes, that is very true. My husband is a great support to me in nearly all things ( we differ on religion).
 
I think it’s normal for a man to admire other men for their physique or looks or other attributes, and this doesn’t make you gay. It’s also normal for women to admire other women who have a great physique or presence or looks, etc.

I imagine that in these situations, the person doing the admiring is kind of being masochistic and knocking himself or herself for not having these attributes, or being negative about himself or herself, feeling a bit of a loser. I don’t say this to address the OP’s situation, but I"m thinking abstractly here.

There’s a humorous song, “I Ain’t No Homo, but man you sure look good to me” kind of a country song along these lines. I can admire a guy who looks good, dresses good, has cash to spare and ready words for the women. Many grown-up men seem to really find James Bond a role model; I"m surprised.
 
So the first part will probably not fly well with the demographic here… but as women tend to be more loose about affection with women I have dated few that weren’t super hardcore conservative religious that hadn’t at least made out with a woman if not just to arouse men… women have a tendency toward this in the historical sense that in the past it was often 1 man multiple wives. It worked because of nature and only a truly naive would blindly believe these wives were all “visited” separately…

So you are attracted to them? Okay… hetero couples are still biologically attracted to other humans of the opposite sex. This doesn’t mean they forego their marriage and pursue every item of attraction. If you nees to “struggle to be married” because of an attraction, then no one should be married. And the world can be a big orgy… oh wait we have a large segment of this how does it work?

Oh broken homes half parented kids and 1/4 people have an std… maybe God’s marriage suggestions were smart…
 
JoyToTheWhirled said:
Can anyone encourage me?
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Jesus can!

Go to Eucharistic Adoration and talk to Him.

I think that you have a tremendous gift you can give Him: your pain and your trust. And you can open up your heart to Him in a way that you cannot with anyone else. Go and immerse yourself in His presence and in His love and in His mercy. Go tell Him how much you love Him and comfort Him, since He wills to be comforted by you. He thirsts for you, and He would thirst for you no less if you were the only person on earth. Thank Him for all He gives to you and to all of the wretched world who can’t spare even a thought for Him.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
 
JoyToTheWhirled said:
I have been married for over fifteen years now, and I still struggle with the SSA I dealt with before we were married. I of course didn’t expect that it just go away, but it is one painful cross to bear. I have to be careful who I talk to about it. My liberal friends think the fact that I still find my own sex alluring as proof I should never have married. My largely protestant conservative friends often talk about deliverance ministry.

I just need somewhere to say “I am not giving up, but this is hard” without someone jumping all over my head. Can anyone encourage me?
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I am so very sorry for your pain, my dear. I am for many years clinical psychologist with specialty in working with LGBT peoples. Obviously English is not my first tongue, so please excuse me.

Have you practice meditation or considered contemplative prayer? It takes much practice, but as now old lady who has practice contemplative prayer for many years, I crave even more time in prayer, resting in the presence of God. Be still and know that I am God. Yes, it is in silence we encounter God in the most profound way. In stillness we stop the stirring of the water and the silt sinks to the bottom and gives us clarity we could never see otherwise, a communion and communication and understanding of God like no other. It is difficult, but pain is often a way in. There are many good books that may help you with guidance. The Holy Spirit is alive in your heart, in whom you can put your trust and gain comfort and guidance.

Please know that in this moment, there is not a thing you need to change about yourself to earn God’s love. God knows even the every hair on your head and loves you even when you find difficult to love yourself. Pain of the kind you are experiencing is so difficult, but as I said can often facilitate a way into contemplation.

Please to care for yourself and know you are loved. Prayers of an old woman are with you, my dear. God bless you and keep you. Brygida
 
JoyToTheWhirled said:
My liberal friends think the fact that I still find my own sex alluring as proof I should never have married. My largely protestant conservative friends often talk about deliverance ministry.
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It is very frustrating to know in one’s heart the right action to take and have people tell them to do the wrong one. It is equally frustrating to have other people judge you for your struggles instead of admiring your desire to overcome them. I know the pain of being alone.
JoyToTheWhirled said:
I just need somewhere to say “I am not giving up, but this is hard” without someone jumping all over my head. Can anyone encourage me?
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I encourage you. I know this is probably no immediate consolation, but from where I am sitting you are the perfect example of a Catholic. Determined to do God’s will no matter how hard.

Angie
 
JoyToTheWhirled said:
I have been married for over fifteen years now, and I still struggle with the SSA I dealt with before we were married. I of course didn’t expect that it just go away, but it is one painful cross to bear. I have to be careful who I talk to about it. My liberal friends think the fact that I still find my own sex alluring as proof I should never have married. My largely protestant conservative friends often talk about deliverance ministry.

I just need somewhere to say “I am not giving up, but this is hard” without someone jumping all over my head. Can anyone encourage me?
Click to expand...
I understand you husband is aware, and while you may struggle, you have managed a successful marriage. How great is that!
 
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