Marriage in just four weeks?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Discerning-Spirit
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
D

Discerning-Spirit

Guest
Do you believe it’s possible (under ideal circumstances) to know a person for just four weeks before asking them?

(and have things turn out well)
 
Infatuated, sure. Truly know the others thoughts, views, values, no way.
Could it turn out well? I think it would depend on how much effort each is willing to expend addressing differences as they appear (as in any relationship).
 
Nope. But even if you’re right… the Church is going to ask you to wait 6 months to a year before getting married (depending on the diocese).
 
Discerning-Spirit said:
Do you believe it’s possible (under ideal circumstances) to know a person for just four weeks before asking them?

(and have things turn out well)
Click to expand...
In 74 years, I have known exactly one couple - and I am not sure that the husband felt that way, but the wife did.

“Did”, because I was pall bearer at her funeral.

Likely?

Actually, exceedingly, mind-blowngly unlikely.

Emotions are generally what triggers us toward someone else; and when the emotions fade away or go missing for a period of time, then we get to learn what adulthood and following through on one’s promises amounts to.

And that is a serious struggle.

Are you ready to live out faithfully the results of your infatuation?
 
I think only two weeks are necessary. What were you doing the other two weeks, I wonder. 😉

Both people have to be on the same page in terms of understanding the commitment and finality of marriage.

You’ll have some real doozy arguments during your first year.
 
I was engaged six weeks after our first date, married six months after. Twenty years ago and we are more in love than ever. We did not fight the first year, or any of the following nineteen years. We were both open and honest from the start.

It worked out beautifully for us, but I think we are pretty rare.
 
Maybe if you spent those entire four weeks trapped in a room together asking eachother life questions most of us wouldn’t think of and by the end of it still liked eachother 🤔.
 
Yes, because I have seen it happen. But it is extraordinarily rare.
 
Discerning-Spirit said:
Do you believe it’s possible (under ideal circumstances) to know a person for just four weeks before asking them?
Click to expand...
–No, I do not. As has been said, “slow down.”

–Why add the qualifier “under ideal circumstances?” What does that mean? Is one of the parties, say, dying of an incurable illness? Were it, say, my daughter trying to wed a dying boyfriend, I’d urge her in every way I could not to marry under that circumstance. Boyfriend shipping out to an army deployment? Wait till he returns.

If circumstances are “ideal,” there is absolutely no reason to rush, at all.

Although I suppose anything is possible, IMHO this is not something anyone should be urging OP to do - including by telling success stories of “it worked for me!” Great, so you married after a real short courtship - that doesn’t mean you should be encouraging anyone else to, especially when your success stories can easily be interpreted as ratification by a love-struck young person, about whom we know next to nothing.
 
Last edited:
In other religions (cough cough Mormonism), people get married after knowing each other for a few months because they want “companionship” (if you know what I mean). They are way, way more likely to get divorced than someone who takes their time and gets to know the person after a long courtship-dating.

Can it work? Sometimes, but sometimes people smoke cigarettes and live to 85 years old. The alternative is much more common though.
 
What’s the rush?
Enjoy the dating part. Savour it. In a lifetime, the dating part tends to be very short.
Whatever you do, do not have sex. It makes it very hard to think straight and clearly once you’re sleeping together.

Honour God with your singleness, with your dating, with your marriage. There are no regrets when done this way.
 
Anything is possible, but success would probably be a matter of luck.
 
PennyinCanada said:
Whatever you do, do not have sex. It makes it very hard to think straight and clearly once you’re sleeping together.
Click to expand...
Very hard?

Try, nearly impossible.

Oxytocin is released during the sexual act; and it is not called the “stupid hormone” for no reason. It is also released when a woman is nursing, which is why she can deal with mewling, fussing, crying, diaper filling self-centered little monster with as much equanimity as women muster. It basically blinds one to the objectionable things about the “other”, be that baby or “lover”.

And then there is the issue of guilt; knowing that one has done something a “step too far” in spite of the current attitudes among a majority of the population. It is there, perhaps in a more insidious way, as that majority of the population simply stuffs it down rather than coming to terms with the guilt, and changing their behavior.

“But this time it is different!” That is right up there with the “I didn’t mean to do it” phrase.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top