Marriage Prep -- Where is the Good News?

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uncleauberon

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Hi all,

I’m in Marriage Prep right now.
I’ve been a single Man now at 35yrs old.

I’ve heard some lamentation on the fact that folks are getting married later in life. or not at all.

For many years and especially now I’ve heard from so many folk “on the street” and “in the Church” about
“Marriage is Difficult”
“Marriage is a lot of work”
“Marriage is a great sacrifice - you’ll have to give up your old life and ways”
etc…

It seems to me that the attempt to prevent divorce is becoming a prevention of marriage.

Heaping negative upon negative may very well “tip the scales” and make marriage not seem worth it.

Now that I’m engaged it seems that everyone “assumes” that I already know** ALL** of the positive aspects of Marriage.

And they proceed to instruct me and my finacee’ on the the negatives.

Where is the Good News about Marriage ?
Especially in the Formal Marriage Prep in our Church ?

"Why should we get married ?"
"Why is this such a wonderful decision/institution?"
"What is so positive about getting married ?"
"Why shouldn’t all this negative talk scare us away ?"

thanks for you comments

todd
 
CONGRATULATIONS!!! I have not reached this point in my life yet, but I assume that you are thrilled to have found that special someone to spend the rest of your life with. It is difficult, of course. It does require sacrifice. Some positives though, since you seem to be hearing so much negative:
  1. God has called you to share your life with a special person.
  2. God has called you to be a witness to the rest of the world of the wonderful glory of His work.
  3. Your family will be a living example of the Trinity to all: Father, Mother, Children.
  4. You are being called to carry on the human race through your children, to raise Godly kids who will have a positive impact on future generations.
  5. You have been called to a higher level of love. To share God’s love with a woman.
  6. “The two shall become one flesh”.
  7. There is, of course, the “intimate” aspect of getting married.
  8. YOU’RE IN LOVE!
 
As in, why not do as St. Paul says and “remain as I am”?
His answer might seem to have been essentially “to keep yourself out of trouble”–for instance, he thought young widows *should *remarry – but I don’t think that “because you’re going to have sex” is the answer you are looking for. I will admit, though, that having children of your own has its way of curbing your interest and your feeling of authority when it comes to people’s business!

Elsewhere, though, St. Paul writes of how marriage mirrors so beautifully Christ and the Church. A marriage, whether or not it is blessed by children, is the Church in microcosm, with all of the trials and blessings that brings.

Most of all, though, you find in marriage your vocation. God will speak to you through this other person, and eventually through your children. Your spouse will both mirror, encourage, and appreciate your best and force you to take an honest look at your worst. You may think you have bared yourself before God, but in baring yourself before this other person, you will realize how much it is that you try to hide. You may think you are patient, you may think you are kind… I will wager that married life (and parenthood in particular!) will bring you some news on that front. You have a ways to go. There is not a cloister in the world as severe and unpretentious in its demands as a little baby with a touch of colic.

Your baptismal vows demanded a sacrifice, but in reality you gave up your illusions and your self-centeredness when you died to sin and put on Christ. Likewise, what you have to give up to be married is largely your pre-occupation with this puppet that you have convinced yourself* is* yourself. Marriage has news for you. The real you is yet to be unveiled, in what Thomas Merton might have called “the four walls of your new freedom.”

How’s that?
 
i’ve always heard “relationships are hard, need work, marriage is tough, constantly hard work” - i dated my wife for 5 years, engaged for 1, married for almost 2 months now… we’ve never had a fight, we talk about things. we talk about EVERYTHING. we’ve never been mad at each other, it’s never been tough, it’s never been hard. we’ve never yelled at each other. we always have fun, enjoy each others company, love each other. The 6+ years we’ve been together we’ve seen each other EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK and have never fought, ever… it’s never been hard at all, marriage is like hanging out with my best friend 24/7. not a bad deal at all. (of course it helps i think i’m 33 and shes 30, maturity plays a role in communication)
 
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thechrismyster:
i’ve always heard “relationships are hard, need work, marriage is tough, constantly hard work” - i dated my wife for 5 years, engaged for 1, married for almost 2 months now… we’ve never had a fight, we talk about things. we talk about EVERYTHING. we’ve never been mad at each other, it’s never been tough, it’s never been hard. we’ve never yelled at each other. we always have fun, enjoy each others company, love each other. The 6+ years we’ve been together we’ve seen each other EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK and have never fought, ever… it’s never been hard at all, marriage is like hanging out with my best friend 24/7. not a bad deal at all. (of course it helps i think i’m 33 and shes 30, maturity plays a role in communication)
Click to expand...
You sound like the lucky people who say they’d pay to do the job they’re doing. But you make a good point. No one comes home from work with that attitude if they don’t go to work aiming for that attitude. We don’t spend a lot of time talking about how fun it is to be married… and fun in a way that living together isn’t, because you know you’re only starting the scrapbook of your lives together. It is far more fun, far more satisfying, to be able to be able to have faith in what the future holds. And having kids… extremely hard and indescribably fun. Marriage is a life that can literally fill you up with a joy not known before. I suppose the Church thinks the fun part has been romanticized far too much. The utter lack of conflict in your marriage is not the rule… but it does happen.
 
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uncleauberon:
For many years and especially now I’ve heard from so many folk “on the street” and “in the Church” about
“Marriage is Difficult”
“Marriage is a lot of work”
“Marriage is a great sacrifice - you’ll have to give up your old life and ways”
etc…
Click to expand...
These are facts that are given to couples not in an attempt to scare them away from marriage but to remind the couple of the reality of marriage.

If professions were substituted for the word marriage in the above sentences would you still level the same charge? For example:

“Being a doctor is difficult.” “Bricklaying is a lot of work.” “Being a Marine is a great sacrifice- you’ll have to give up your old life and ways.”

Nowhere in these sentences is the message conveyed that being a doctor, bricklayer or a Marine is not worth it or non-rewarding. The message is “be sure this is what you really want before you make a commitment” and “if you think this is a easy career you’re sadly mistaken.”

The purpose of marriage prep-class is not to sell you on the benefits marriage over other options like “living together” or “sleeping around”.

Most folks when they have reached the point of getting engaged and attending marriage prep classes don’t have to be sold on marriage.

The purpose marriage prep class is to remove any misconceptions both parties have about the sacrament of marriage. Its purpose is to also remove any misconceptions the couple has about their relationship.

A good marriage preparation class should do one of two things. It should either confirm for the couple that the should get married and strengthen their resolve to enter a life long, life-giving bond or it should cause the couple to rethink their reasons for, and understanding of, marriage. If a couple decides not to get married that does not mean the class has been a failure. It may be best that the couple not marry and change their relationship. Better a broken engagement than divorce and annulment. So yes, maybe all this “negative” talk should “scare” you away.

So why is marriage wonderful? Because God made it (see Gen 2:21-25) and God makes all things good.

Marriage is God allowing humanity to share in his creative work. God’s creation is an act of divine Love. God wanted his sons and daughters to share in that creation, not just by receiving it, but in love, giving of themselves to each other and creating.

The fruit and sign of marriage is new life. It can be the new life that will be given a name of its own in nine months. It is also the new life created as the two become “one flesh”, as individuals give way to each other and become one that in holiness is greater than the sum of it’s parts. It is also the spiritual gifts that the two share between each other that will be manifest in works of charity, mercy and prayer, gifts that will give life to other members of God’s family.

If you are marrying the right person for the right reasons then marriage is wonderful.

If you are willing to work at your relationship with your spouse then marriage is wonderful.

If you are willing to give up your old self in sacrifice and get a new better self in return then marriage is wonderful.

I have been married for over 17 years. At times my wife and I have fought. At times we have had disagreements. There have been times when things were not all honeymoonish and “lovey dovey.” At those times God enabled us to love each other anyway. (Love is an action not a feeling.)

There have been good times and bad times and we have grown together during both.

Most of the bad times were made good because of our marriage and the good times far out number the bad.

It is worth it, both my wife and I have grown closer to God because of our marriage.

It is worth it, we have 7 children and one on the way. They think our marriage is worth it.

I don’t know what is going on in your marriage prep classes but the married couples that talk to the engaged couples in our parish give a beautiful witness to the sacrament of marriage. I sometimes wonder if everyone is really listening.
 
I’ve been married for 5 years, we have two sons and we’re expecting a new baby in May 😉 . Here are my positives to share with you 🙂
  • You always have a date for special occasions!
  • You have someone who will always be on your side.
  • You don’t ever have to feel lonely.
  • You have someone you can trust and lean on, and who can trust and lean on you.
  • You get to make little perfect people together, and change diapers (alternating weeks) haha
  • You can always ask your spouse to do the dishes if you REALLY need to sit down for a while!
  • You can look like crud ALL day, stay in pjs and your better half will STILL think you’re gorgeous!
There are so many wonderful, little things that make being married so much fun, and I think many married couples take the little things for granted.

Oh, and **CONGRATULATIONS! :clapping: **

~Carrie
 
Thanks Everyone. 😃

Some of your responses have been very encouraging.

I have just felt recently that, except for those people actually hostile to marriage, most people mean well to give you the warnings of reality.

But, they often fail to balance the negative comments with positive encouragement - because they assume that you already know the reality of the positive.

Those real positive aspects beyond the “lovey dovey”.

My parents have been involved in Marriage Prep {and Marriage Enrichment} for the past 20 years. So I’ve seen much of the ups and downs of Married couples.

They are great examples to me.

I lodged this complaint around some of my family and friends and they started to give much of the same encouragement.

I guess I was feeling pretty low and discouraged last week. 😦

I am engaged to a wonderful woman and I look forward to having her around me everyday sharing the little things of life.

**I also look forward to some of the difficulties - to kick my butt out of spiritual complacency. **👍

God Bless.

todd
 
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