Marriage Question/advice

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Silverlotus

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Hello,
My fiancé and I are planning our wedding in October, but we’ve come across a few dilemmas. First my fiancé lost his job and is going to start training for a new job and will be traveling over the road and won’t be home much at all for the foreseeable future. Second his great grandfather, who raised him and whom he sees as a father figure, his health is declining and my fiancé really wants him to be there to see us get married. My question is what can we do to get married now or sooner? We haven’t yet started classes because of recent events and my fiancé is not yet baptized, we planned on doing that as well.
My fiancé wants to make sure that our child and I will be taken care of if anything were to happen to him while he’s over the road.
 
Welcome to CAF! Please come often, read, chat, and ask questions!

One of the most common answers you’ll see is, “Ask your priest,” because he’ll be the one to guide you in your specific case and to make decisions regarding timing. Many of us have experience with similar situations, but you and your intended are unique, and the answers to your questions must be tailored to your specific situation.

Trust your priest. He may need to go to his bishop for clarification or special dispensations to fit your needs, but he wants to shepherd as many souls into his flock as possible, so he’ll be your advocate, as well as your guide.

Best wishes!
 
Silverlotus said:
My question is what can we do to get married now or sooner?
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You need to sit down and talk with your priest. I know you think you have every good reason to rush to marriage, but sacramental marriage prep needs to be completed. This is typically 6 months. Your priest will work with you on the traveling schedule to work on marriage prep.

While it is understandable that your fiancé wants his grandfather at the wedding, it is not a reason to rush the sacrament. Visit with him as an engaged couple. Share your joy and your plans. Tell him how much you look forward to him being at the wedding. If his health declines too much to attend, you can share the video together with him. If he passes away, he is still there in spirit.
Silverlotus said:
We haven’t yet started classes because of recent events and my fiancé is not yet baptized, we planned on doing that as well.
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RCIA for the catechumenate can take one to three years. Your fiancé does not need to be baptized before you are married, although you can certainly wait to get married once he has completed his RCIA.
Silverlotus said:
My fiancé wants to make sure that our child and I will be taken care of if anything were to happen to him while he’s over the road.
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Talk to your priest. Life insurance and a will can ensure you are OK without being married yet.
 
The most important thing is to get your husband baptized before he does anything else. Then I would take the classes, and then begin planning a wedding. For the wedding, you might want to consider setting up something to raise money for the wedding or talk to your diocese for financial help. God bless and good luck!
 
If a couple can’t afford to marry, then they should wait until they can pay for it, but to ask others or the diocese to fund a wedding is . . . outrageous, in my opinion.
 
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Silverlotus said:
My fiancé wants to make sure that our child and I will be taken care of if anything were to happen to him while he’s over the road
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A lot of things are set up now so people can be protected without being married, like if he gets life insurance through his job, he can make you the recipient even if you are not married. There may be a similar thing for Social Security so that your child would be able to receive benefits.

Talk together with a priest about how to arrange the marriage prep and about the possibility of your fiance’s being instructed privately so he can enter the Church at a different time.
 
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Huh? Financial help for a church wedding? That hardly costs anything. The OP said nothing about needing help with finances.
 
Absolutely do not rush the sacrament. I agree that the best option is to speak to your pastor. Usually a period of 4-6 months at least is required before you can be married, in order to have time for preparation and for you to meet with the priest.

If his grandfather is not able to attend your wedding, one option, in addition to sharing the video, is to livestream it to him. You could have someone on hand with a computer or phone to Skype or FaceTime him so he can see what’s happening, as it happens. My mother’s cousin’s daughter did this when she married. Her husband is from another country, and many of his family were not able to attend the wedding, so they livestreamed it for them.
 
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