Marriage / relationships

[AnonMark]

hello

i submitted a post a week ago but i dont seem to see it anywhere.

sigh, well here goes again:

1. I slept with a woman a few times.
2. She was married.
3. Her husband was not a Christian.
4. She didn’t want to marry him but did it out of pressure from both families and because she felt guilty about committing a sexual sin with him.
5. They divorced.
6. I didn’t have sex with her.
7. I didn’t kiss her.
8. Over a year now she has been involved with church and studying Christianity in university or college.
9. We cuddled.

Not sure what else I can tell you but I’m just trying to give the facts straight. I guess we share a brother / sister kind of relationship. If you’d like to know more, please ask.

I just want to know if I’m committing any serious sin here, and even if i did kiss her, would it be wrong. I don’t think God would bind two people if one wasn’t willing and the other wasn’t a Christian (although I guess that’s debatable).

I tried to speak to a priest about it but he told me i need to decide for myself if this is interfering negatively with my relationship with God.

Anyway, I hope I can get some God-given answers from you.

All the best,

 

[cargopilot]

I don’t exactly know what you’re looking for, whether it be approval or disapproval at what you’re doing, but here goes.

At this point, IMO, you are at the most, commiting venial sin, however, you certainly are failing to avoid the near occasion of sin, by sleeping and ‘cuddling’ with her. You know she might very well still be married in the eyes of the Church…you didn’t say.

If you guys have real feelings for each other, then maybe you should explore the possibility of marriage. I would add that before you get your hopes up, the both of you need to see your Priest to see if she is even free to marry. Is she Catholic? Was she married in the Church?

Sure sounds like ‘thin ice’, to me. Be careful, Bud.

 

[puzzleannie]

you did get several good replies to a previous post on this topic, most of which told you to go to confession, and that you are if not actively sinning putting yourself in the “near occassion of sin” in other words, not waiting for temptation to come to you, but actively putting yourself (and this lady you claim to love) in harms way. You got good answers, you did not like the answers, so you keep asking. Until you get to confession you will not resolve your dilemma, we don’t do absolution here, this is a forum not a sacrament. Your “dilemma” is one shared by a lot of men today, you want to have your cake and eat it too. Harsh? no, motherly, I speak as I would to my own son or brother who asked the same question. If you don’t want to hear the answer, don’t ask.

 

[Liberian]

Mark,

Regarding your situation, I would have to agree with the other answers: even if it isn’t sin, it’s very thin ice and could lead you into mortal sin very easily. I think, from the extremely little that I know about your situation, that the two of you have a couple of options:

(1) She can seek an annulment, and if she receives one you can get married if you believe this is what God is calling you to do.

(2) You can continue with a brother-sister relationship in public and–for the moral safety of both of you–not see each other outside of public.

(3) You can have basically nothing to do with each other.

Unfortunately there’s an awful lot of “I don’t think God would …” in today’s society. It is called wishful thinking, and it is almost invariably wrong. A lot of times people get themselves into things at an early age that they later wish they hadn’t gotten themselves into.

Regarding Puzzle Annie’s mention of all the responses to your earlier post, I did a search for them and couldn’t find them either. Possiblyshe saw them and then they got deleted by a moderator.

• Liberian

 

[On_my_way]

Lets see.

1. Sex out of wedlock. Sin
2. Sex with married woman. Sin

From 3 to 9 maybe seems okay but I don’t get to judge you. For 1 and 2, very serious Sins.

Just my observation on the issue.

 

[Ruthie]

AnonMark,

What I hear is that you have, without having sex or even kissing, slept with this woman. And that you cuddled with her.

As long as the cuddling wasn’t sexy, but comforting, then the only sin you have committed is “scandal,” which means that someone might know you spent the night with her, and assume you had sex.

“Scandal” means that you may have damaged both your reputations; and also the Church. (Someone might assume you slept together and thought badly of your Church.)

I really don’t have a hint about what you might feel about each other… If you physically desire each other then it would be better not to sleep together! It’s even possible to “start something” when you’re both half-asleep. (I speak from experience!)

As for her marraige, it depends on whether she is Catholic or not. If she was Catholic when she married the non-christian, and she married him outside the church, without a dispensation to do either or both, then the marriage was not valid, and she is free to marry again. (I’d still run it past the Marriage Tribunal to make sure, though.)

If she was not Catholic when she married him, then she would need an annulment. (Civil marriages between two non-Catholics are valid.) #4 in your original post sounds like a good reason to me.

I have a good grasp of that subject, as I am waiting for an annulment myself!

 

[AnonMark]

Hello,

thank you for the fast responses (that generally don’t feel rushed at all), and for trying to be understanding. i’m sorry if anyone seems to have misunderstood my purpose for posting it.

PuzzleAnnie, thank you for your concern. I’m sorry, but I don’t recall claiming that I love this woman. She is a dear and close friend to me who has always been nice to me. But I tend to be rather cautious when declaring love for someone. I’ve only been in 1 serious love relationship and it ended up hurting me deeply (but that’s another story, and don’t worry, I didn’t have sex either).
Also as I mentioned before, I never got to see the results of my previous post (thank you for mentioning it too,liberian). Perhaps I checked too late (i think a week later) and I’m sorry that I didn’t get a chance to see them. Rest assured, I would have replied. You mention that I didn’t like the answers; do you mean that you saw me reply to those posts? If so, then I would have this nick deleted and re-register as I think someone is tampering with my account.

Anyway, this lady is a protestant. (i hope that’s the only question that was asked).

I think that most of the replies I’ve had when pretty much what was on my mind and my concern. This is ‘thin ice’ and I need to be weary and I think the bottom line is that even if I do not sin and just spend the night there it still can give a wrongful impression of me as a Christian. Some people might assume otherwise even if I try to explain to them. I went to a priest and spoke about it before confession so that i know whether i should confess this or not, but as i mentioned before, he didn’t say either. I will try to find another church and priest to get a second opinion.

In the meantime I will try to avoid seeing her at all, or just meet in public and try to make some new friends or something. All my relatives live thousands of miles away and although i’ve made many acquaintances, i haven’t really formed much deep friendships with anyone since i’ve come to live here.

thanks for your answers again.
God bless