Marriage/Sexuality/Parenthood

[rasmussen]

My husband and I do not use birth control. We have used NFP in the past, but have stopped using that as well. I am ready to welcome a pregnancy, but my husband says he is not and chooses to withdraw even when I tell him he shouldn’t. He says he is just not ready. Would the only thing to do is go back to fully practicing NFP until my husband is ready? I honestly get upset when he withdraws. Any suggestions?

 

[Karin]

My husband and I do not use birth control. We have used NFP in the past, but have stopped using that as well. I am ready to welcome a pregnancy, but my husband says he is not and chooses to withdraw even when I tell him he shouldn’t. He says he is just not ready. Would the only thing to do is go back to fully practicing NFP until my husband is ready? I honestly get upset when he withdraws. Any suggestions?

If he is not ready to have a child, withdrawing is not an option!
Perhaps you should go back to using NFP till he is ready.

 

[rasmussen]

I know. I would be happy to be pregnant, so I look forward to the few times when he does not withdraw. I am being selfish, I guess. He has never really been involved in the NFP thing-I took the temps and he relied on me to tell him yes or no not today. I don’t know. I am just sad perhaps that we are just not on the same page right now.

 

[stinkcat_14]

If he withdraws, even though you told him he shouldn’t, you have done your part, the sin is on him. There is a document from the vatican on this issue, it is quite helpful, IMHO.

vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/family/documents/rc_pc_family_doc_12021997_vademecum_en.html

 

[1ke]

I would insist on going back to NFP. Then, I would set up an appointment for the two of you and your priest to discuss his issues with not wanting a child. Does he have specific reasons that merit postponing? Are you being sensitive to whatever stress he might be under on that makes him want to avoid a child? Has he expressed any sort of timeframe as to when he thinks he might be ready?

 

[rasmussen]

He thinks that we are not financially ready. We have some debt, normal debt, car and house and a small amount in cc. I just don’t that that there is ever a “perfect time” He says he wants to have children, just not now. He has never really given me a date.

 

[KCT]

Did he agree to stop using NFP? Sounds odd that he would stop using NFP, but continue to do something as unreliable as withdrawal. It doesn’t make sense. —KCT

 

[Nechasin]

He thinks that we are not financially ready. We have some debt, normal debt, car and house and a small amount in cc. I just don’t that that there is ever a “perfect time” He says he wants to have children, just not now. He has never really given me a date.

You are never “Ready” to have kids. My wife and I definately weren’t ready, but it did cause us to become more mature and we realized that we were ready and wouldn’t give it up for the world. I believe my first words (that my wife will never let me forget) were “OH SH**” because all I could think about was finances and how we weren’t ready.

 

[YinYangMom]

My husband and I do not use birth control. We have used NFP in the past, but have stopped using that as well. I am ready to welcome a pregnancy, but my husband says he is not and chooses to withdraw even when I tell him he shouldn’t. He says he is just not ready. Would the only thing to do is go back to fully practicing NFP until my husband is ready? I honestly get upset when he withdraws. Any suggestions?

You need to keep praying and talking about this together until you reach a mutual conclusion.

Think about it…if you two cannot communicate effectively on a matter as humongous as when to bring another life into the world, let alone your world, how can you expect to communicate effectively on all the other major decisions which are demanded of responsible parenting?

This is one of the benefits of good NFP, it keeps a couple practiced in open and effective communication skills. Trust me, there are discipline issues to agree upon, medical treatment decisions, last wills and testaments, and all sorts of other major topics that can strain a marriage so much it breaks that enter into the picture along with the baby. Do what it takes to keep talking until you two are on the same page.

Do not sabatouge the discussions by playing russian roulette. Abstain if there’s any doubt, but if you engage then be certain the act is completed as it should be.
Sabatouging will undermine any trust you’ve maintained thus far in communicating and trust is the hardest thing to earn back.

 

[a_cermak]

He thinks that we are not financially ready. We have some debt, normal debt, car and house and a small amount in cc. I just don’t that that there is ever a “perfect time” He says he wants to have children, just not now. He has never really given me a date.

Sit down together and make a financial plan. It’ll allow you to see what he’s worried about and also give you an idea of how progress is being made so you can look forward to your creche being filled.

I would say a big one is to pay off the cc debt and keep the cc only for emergencies (and after the emergency’s over pay it down again). Maybe a small nest egg in a savings account or CD will give him confidence, too.