Marriage vs. Children (Adult)

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Natvgrl

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My husband and I have been married for 18 years, we have one daughter that is 25. Last year she moved back home after living on her own after graduating college. Her and I were at the Route 91 concert and by the grace of God made it out alive. It has taken us some time, counseling’s and family love but we are healing. She was having a really hard time and didn’t feel safe anywhere else but home so we moved her home. She took some time, then got a job and has started gaining her confidence back. Unfortunately this move home has been a strain on her father and her relationship and his and mines. She has been in a relationship for over 4 years now and he doesn’t approve of him. He treats him extremely rude whenever he is around, to the point where I am humiliated by his actions. He does not care about my feelings nor his daughters. This boy is not who he would have picked for her but I keep telling him it’s not his choice. Well now she has gotten pregnant, and things at home have just gotten worse. It’s so hard for me to be a supportive wife when we faced death in the eyes. I’m not giving her an excuse, she totally owns everything she has done, but unfortunately there is no going back now. We’re having a baby! She would like to get married but her father has decided he won’t walk her down the isle or participate. Needing some sound advice please and some prayer warriors!
 
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She now has to form her own family. A father walking a daughter down the isle is a small price to pay in the scheme of things. For the sake of the child, everyone needs to act responsibly and make decisions based in charity and love.
 
It is time for your daughter to be a parent. So she needs to begin now by doing something she may find difficult. If she was planning to marry her boyfriend anyway, she needs to do that whether her father walks her down the aisle or not. It is not a necessary part of the wedding, btw. She really needs to find her own way in the world. Perhaps you and her boyfriend can support her (financially and emotionally) in finding her somewhere else to live where she will feel safe and secure until they marry or she has the baby, whichever comes first.

I know it may come as a shock, but it is not the end of the world. In time, your husbands heart may soften. If it doesn’t, that is his loss.
 
Who cares? The bottom line is that she wants to marry him. And she is an adult. And there is a baby involved who needs a family. Lots if people get married because they got pregnant. As long as both people want it, and we know she has expressed she does. Good for them!
 
I’m sorry your husband is acting like a horse’s hind end. Perhaps your pastor could talk some sense into him?

If not, leave him out of all the planning and conversations. Move forward with having your daughter and her boyfriend talk to your pastor and get counseling on marriage.
 
Hoosier-Daddy said:
Who cares? The bottom line is that she wants to marry him. And she is an adult. And there is a baby involved who needs a family. Lots if people get married because they got pregnant. As long as both people want it, and we know she has expressed she does. Good for them!
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I know it’s her decision. As a parent I would advise her not to get married just because of the baby and support her whatever she decides.
 
I dont get the impression it’s just because if the baby. It sounds like they have had a relationship and the daughter likes him. Unless the baby is up for adoption they will be coparents now for life. They’ve made a family.
 
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No, they were planning on getting married prior to this. They really do love each other and he is a good guy. He has a good job, baptized catholic although he has not been practicing. Thank you everyone for your advice, kids are so difficult. We have just been through so much and to have my husband be so negative and ornery is really tough. I really just want him to be supportive and an example of what Jesus was. Loving and forgiving! Give them a chance to do things right, which she always does! His actions have put such a strain on our family, he is someone different than I married. I guess that is what I’m truly struggling and praying to understand.
 
Natvgrl said:
No, they were planning on getting married prior to this.
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Great. I just wasn’t sure. I knew they were in a relationship and she loved him, but was not so sure of his feelings or if she would consider marriage if there was no baby involved.
Natvgrl said:
he is a good guy. He has a good job,
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Why does your husband disapprove? Is it because he is non practicing? Whatever the reason I think being supportive is the best approach.
 
Natvgrl said:
His actions have put such a strain on our family, he is someone different than I married. I guess that is what I’m truly struggling and praying to understand.
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Maybe, just maybe he could use a little relational or spiritual kick in the pants. I mean this figuratively of course, but for his good and the good of all it might be worth trying to find out the cause.
 
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