Married and Infertile, where's our place in the church?

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Just a thought - why not talk to the priest and start a support group for married couples who are infertile. You might find that you and your dh are not as alone as you might think.

God bless,
 
i havent read all the replies so i dont know if anyone else has mentioned these.

abraham (or was it issac?) and his wife were 60 when they had their only son .(old testement)
elizabeth mother of john the baptist was barren untill ‘she was gray in hair’ john came along .(new testiment)
there was also ruth (? not sure of name) who was barren and married she became a temple woman and helped raise and teach one of the profets (old testement)

there are a few more stories in the old testement althotgh i havent got a copy to hand so couldnt give exact reference .
there basic line is that s/he stay loyal to the spouse and get heavaly involved in the church (eg. flower aranging , chior) their reward is either a child of their own late in life or the children of the church becoming part of the family .

i shall go to the presbytry and find the chapters for you .
never give up hope with hope comes love .
 
I

Does this mean I can’t be saved cause I will never give birth to a child? 😦

Whoa calm down …Of course not…Many people never have children…Look at the priests and nuns

I’m having so much trouble with this. I’m getting so down. And it doesn’t help that I am sick now and can’t work and have so much time to think. If any of you have been through this or have Church teachings or Scripture passages for what we are supposed to be doing here that would be much appreciated. Or anything to give some comfort, peace and strength.

You know there are lots of things you could do to help others… Start a prayer chaine in your parish

Become a greeter at church

Volunteer to call the homebound and shut in to brighten their day

Take commuion to the homebound

They sky is the limit, by helping others you will find you help yourself
 
here are the refs as promissed

genisis 21 sarah and abraham
genisis 25:19 issac and rebecka
sammual 1 hannah
2kings 4:8 the mirical son

i ahvent yet found the temple lady but ive not yet finished the old testement and my eyes are starting to hurt (10 books i knew i should have worn my glasses) ill have another look tomorrow .

"all children are the lords children and so those of the handmaiden of the lord. "
 
Might I suggest a couple of things. Rent the movie, “Follow Me, Boys!” It’s about a guy (Fred McMurry) that volunteered to become a scoutmaster during the war to give a few boys that were causing trouble a place to focus their energy. Later he married the apple of his eye but found that she was infertile. They decided that he already had 15 boys they needed to be parents to and it worked for them. And later… no. watch the movie, you’ll get a nice, surprise ending. God put you here for a purpose. Patience and prayer will reveal it.

And two, maybe reflect on the following. I know many couples that were “infertile.” Some adopted and eventually became pregnant later. Sometimes in their 40’s. We forget that we’re on God’s time and He is more patient than we can be. At 26 you have YEARS ahead of you yet. What is the rush? What completes us as people is not how many children we have but how we treat the children of God. There were many good suggestions about what options you have at this point.

You say you are homebound… Maybe God is saying “not now” until you can become more mobile. Being a mommy is a lot of physical activity. Prayers for your improved health!
 
You say you are homebound… Maybe God is saying “not now” until you can become more mobile. Being a mommy is a lot of physical activity. Prayers for your improved health!
This is what I was thinking. God has a plan for you, and maybe that plan just isn’t visible to the human eye or heart right now.

You are still very young! I hadn’t had my first child when I was 26. Just pray, and ask God to show you His divine plan for you.
 
You have been given some very solid advice or comments from people that have been through something similar. I will keep you in my prayers. Being home bound must be difficult. Make sure to get some gym equipment into your home=perhaps a treadmill or bicycle so that you can do something active. If that is not possible, then maybe some other recommended exercises from your doctor.

Hopefully you could join some type of bible group, or perhaps even have one in your home. The word of God is very comforting. Every person has a plan all their own and I pray that you find what it is that is right for you.
 
Except for the age, the OP could almost be me. For weeks on end the only time I go out is to drag myself to Mass (in the physical, not mental sense; wish I felt better).

I often wonder the same thing.

We’re too old to adopt. Are we even ‘allowed’ to be married and carry on as ‘normal’ marrieds, if you know what I’m hinting at?
 
Except for the age, the OP could almost be me. For weeks on end the only time I go out is to drag myself to Mass (in the physical, not mental sense; wish I felt better).

I often wonder the same thing.

We’re too old to adopt. Are we even ‘allowed’ to be married and carry on as ‘normal’ marrieds, if you know what I’m hinting at?
Of course! Ever read TOB? The marital embrace is meant to bring you closer to God, too.

Sorry, I didn’t know about your suffering. Maybe I wasn’t paying attention. Again, if you are that homebound, you are likely suffering enough. I hope you can feel better soon, but I’ve not heard of people being too old to adopt. Certainly there is the foster care option, too, if you are up to it. We’re all called to do different things. Maybe yours is helping folks on CAF?
 
Of course! Ever read TOB? The marital embrace is meant to bring you closer to God, too.

Sorry, I didn’t know about your suffering. Maybe I wasn’t paying attention. Again, if you are that homebound, you are likely suffering enough. I hope you can feel better soon, but I’ve not heard of people being too old to adopt. Certainly there is the foster care option, too, if you are up to it. We’re all called to do different things. Maybe yours is helping folks on CAF?
By fighting with 'em? :rotfl:

Serioiusly, thanks. On the outside, I look quite normal, and not all that old. I see elderly folks genuflecting with ease, and yet I just about have to be hauled up and down from my seat when the Gospel is read and we say the Our Father and such. It does make me feel kind of weird.
 
By fighting with 'em? :rotfl:

Serioiusly, thanks. On the outside, I look quite normal, and not all that old. I see elderly folks genuflecting with ease, and yet I just about have to be hauled up and down from my seat when the Gospel is read and we say the Our Father and such. It does make me feel kind of weird.
Sparing… CAF style: :slapfight:

I won’t be a good “old” person. Hard enough these days getting out the magnifying glass to read the instructions on the side of the medication bottle. I can’t imagine being that dependent on someone else to do day-to-day or minute to minute things. But I know, if I am lucky (!) it will come to that someday. We all have our crosses. Some are more apparent than others.

I’ve got rebuilt knees. all “natural” so far but FIL has the titanium ones. He doesn’t do too well in the kneeling department. I’m still able to do stairs, so I am thankful. I can’t play with the kids like I’d want to, but it serves a good lesson for those kids that want to play football. I just show them how the left leg flexes in all directions. I’m fortunate that from a pain perspective, it’s not bad.

Well, we all have our place in the Church, somewhere. Sometimes we just have to go find it. I have found CAF as a great place to relieve my guilt. Good practice for teaching my kids not to do the things that I have done. And to explain to others the mistakes I’ve made in hopes of saving them. Maybe my screen name should have been Jacob Marley. I’m sure I’ll be “draging my chains” around for a long long time.
 
**When you are married and infertile what is your role in the church? We hope one day to adopt, but may or may not be able to make that happen, at least not soon. We are done trying to ‘fix’ things. That did more harm than good. What is God’s purpose and plan for us as a married infertile couple? What does the church say?

It seems that we just don’t fit in anywhere because of our infertility. Most married catholics are having child after child. We don’t fit in the Church, everything is geared towards marriage and** children and I don’t even fit in here cause so many here are having children. We feel like outsiders. We get **strange looks from fellow catholics and are viewed as contraceptors. We feel we cause scandal wherever we go because we have been married a while and still no children. Like we are promoting birth control or something. It’s just so hard to figure out God’s purpose for all this. And on top of it all I’m stuck on this Bible passage from 1 Timothy. It says that women will be saved through childbirth. 😦

Does this mean I can’t be saved cause I will never give birth to a child? 😦

I’m having so much trouble with this. I’m getting so down. And it doesn’t help that I am sick now and can’t work and have so much time to think. If any of you have been through this or have Church teachings or Scripture passages for what we are supposed to be doing here that would be much appreciated. Or anything to give some comfort, peace and strength. **
  1. Try the Pope Paul VI institute…and Lourdes!
  2. Here is from the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
1654 Spouses to whom God has not granted children can nevertheless have a conjugal life full of meaning, in both human and Christian terms. Their marriage can radiate a fruitfulness of charity, of hospitality, and of sacrifice. ]
  1. some things from a Saint on the subject
escrivaworks.org/book/conversations-point-96.htm

So of course one can be saved without children! …*please do not mistake the verse
 
I would like to thank all of you who are faithfully married and childless. I know it is a cross to bear, and I thank you because I am the recipient of some incredible spiritual parenting.

I am working through some very hard marital abuse issues, and I walk hand in hand with a childless married couple in my parish. I have other friends who support me, but because they are all chasing children, I always have to think twice about when it’s appropriate to call, etc, so as not to be a burden.

My spiritual parents invite me often into their home and their lives for formation, direction, and sometimes just plain loving. Their longstanding, committed marriage gives me an example of what marriage ought to be, when mine was so bizarrely different that I had no idea where the baseline was. The love of my Father through the arms of a father turned my life around. To know a mother’s unconditional love, and the sanctuary of her heart is nothing short of amazing.

God may well be preparing you through your trials, to become a spiritual mother. Thank you in advance for being open to that and willing to do what it takes, if that’s what you’re called to.
 
I am Sorry to here about your situation. I just got married in June and was pregnant right after and my hsband and I are see children as beautiful blessings . This gift our hearts yearned for is with Christ now. I believe and trust I can have children but the whole situation was unexpected. My husband and i have dreams of many children , I am a nurse and strongly prolife. The Lord does have great plans for us all . He has known them since before we were born. I thought his plan was motherhood right away . We know our son is well looked over and praying for all those who don’t choose life and those mothers who are unable to have children. Christ has a great purpose and meaning it will be revealed in his timing. The good news about Sex and marriage may give you some insight on your feelings it is by

Christopher West
An excellent read to find out more about questions on catholic faith.
 
I can understand your frustration, but i truly believe that it is God’s will. Remember Sara that had a child past her time, there is NOTHING impossible for God. Try to accept his will as he knows what is best for us. There may be a lesson that needs to be learned, keep praying to God for HIS will to be done and not our own.

I’ve been married for 8 years and i would love to have a child, as I am already 36 but i leave it up to God, if he is to bless us with a child or not. I not i will not question only follow and accept. Sounds much easier said than done. I have to pray to God all the time for strength and to not question his will.

I hope this helps,

Good Bless,
Sandra
 
You are blessed to have a spouse to share your life and home. Remember that there are a lot of single people out there who envy you. 🙂
 
Our place is with singles, married couples, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, children, and all God’s Church.

It is only necessary that you are open to God’s will, not that you procreate. God loves the childless, too. 😉 There are so many responses, I didn’t read them all, but I want to share my story.

When I first heard that I couldn’t have children, I didn’t really care since at that point I planned to stay single. God had other plans… extraordinary plans for such an ordinary woman. Later, after my then-future husband and I became fairly close, I realized I had to tell him, even though we weren’t at a point in our relationship to start making big plans for the future. Still, it was only fair so that neither of us would be hurt any worse if he couldn’t accept my condition. So at the risk of losing this guy that I was growing to love very much, I said it. I told him that I knew we hadn’t talked about anything like marriage and I wasn’t trying to bring it up, but there was something he needed to know before we ever got to that point.

“I can’t give you children,” I told him. If being a father was very important to him he could break it off before we grew any closer. It wasn’t easy, especially since just bringing up the “M” word might have scared him away. He really surprised me, though, and said, “It’s okay. When the time comes we can adopt.” It took over three years for that time to come, but we never adopted.

A year into the marriage, while I was working as a waitress, I caught a light stomach bug I couldn’t get rid of. I didn’t feel sick except for the nausea that lasted most of the afternoon and night. It took a while for me to figure out it was morning sickness, especially considering how unlikely it would be for my body to be tricked into thinking it was pregnant. But it was no trick–I was pregnant. Not only that, but he made it full-term and is one of my two living children. (I also have several tiny saints waiting in heaven.)

After a particularly disheartening miscarriage, I went for tests and learned why I am medically barren (and discovered that my case is very severe). My OB/GYN admitted that there should be no way for me to ever have gotten pregnant, much less to have carried a child to term. He has a word for my having two children that survived to be born. It’s his professional opinion but not exactly a medical term: “miracle!” (If “impossible” is a medical term, that’s probably what’s on the record.)

If God created you infertile, there is a reason. I believe part of the reason he created me this way is so I could share my story.

Obviously, I can’t promise women that they will overcome infertility or anything like that, but I can suggest that you remain open to God’s will and trust Him. His plans might not be the same as yours, but He always, always knows what’s best.
 
You are blessed to have such comfort in a husband who also grieves with you at being infertile…I hope you can find comfort in that. Many women are childless becuase their husbands decieve them into marriage telling their wives they DO want children, when IN FACT, they do NOT. Hold your husband’s hand and hold your head up high - you have a man who LOVES you and will bear your sorrows with you…

And - remember - nothing is impossible with God. Someday you may be surprised with a miracle (you never know). I hope you and your husband will remain open to having children, but that your pain and anxiety in the mean time will be relieved.
 
I got the news of our infertility the day before our one year anniversary, and dh was out of town with business. I thought my heart would break. And the next week my sil (married a week before us) announced that she was pregnant. I did not want to go to the family holiday get together and had to force myself. Fast forward, I am now the mother to two beautiful adopted children now aged 8 and 14. For me, time did heal the hurt, but when first discovered it was very raw. Give yourself time to grieve. For that is what needs to be done before you can heal.
 
This subject has been the focus of much thinking and introspection for me. Within the church, and also within the broader society, the ideal is for people to secure a lifetime spouse, and to raise children.

That is the ideal, but it is hardly universal.

Some are not called to marriage, or lack the skills to sustain it.

And of those called to marriage, not all are called to parenthood; some for reasons of the heart, and others for physical reasons.

Whatever our station in life, we may still have a meaningful place in the brotherhood of Christ.

Some busybody thinks you ought be married, or that you should have children. So what? Is that person the judge of your life?

Of course not! We must live to satisfy our own consciences and final judgment, not to appease some petty neighbors.

Particularly, in the case of an infertile married couple, there is no shame, no transgression.

Single, married, parents, or childless; we can hold our heads high, and live honestly and authentically.
 
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