Married but does not want children

[FromTheAshes777]

Greetings all,

I have a friend that is a co-worker of mine who is a Catholic and is married. I believe that both her and her husband are Catholic.

Anyways, I have heard her express rather loudly in conversations with other people that she has absolutely no desire to ever have children. She claims to be an orthodox Catholic, and from what she says, actually recieves the sacraments quite regularly (including confession).

My question is, is there a good way to explain to her that Christian marriage according to the Church, Holy Scripture, and Sacred Tradition requires her to attempt to have children, though of course in a responsible manner, as of course this is the primary purpose of marriage to begin with.

I am charitably assuming that she is using NFP to avoid pregnancy. She doesn’t have a problem talking about these things as I hear her talking from my desk about them constantly. to several other co-workers and she has mentioned this fact to me before in discussions we’ve had about the Church. I kept quiet as I was unsure how to respond and how to express my disagreement.

Is there anything that maybe I could say to make her reconsider her position? Thanks to all who respond.

 

[OraLabora]

My question is, is there a good way to explain to her that Christian marriage according to the Church, Holy Scripture, and Sacred Tradition requires her to attempt to have children,

No there isn’t because it is none of your business.

 

[Neil_Anthony]

Is there anything that maybe I could say to make her reconsider her position? Thanks to all who respond.

How about, next time she brings it up, ask her how she reconciles her attitude with church teaching? I think it would be too nosy for you to bring it up yourself now. But if she brings it up, I think you have a duty to point it out to her tactfully and kindly.

 

[FromTheAshes777]

How about, next time she brings it up, ask her how she reconciles her attitude with church teaching? I think it would be too nosy for you to bring it up yourself now. But if she brings it up, I think you have a duty to point it out to her tactfully and kindly.

I agree it is none of my business as the earlier poster noted, but when I’m directly confronted with it in conversation I believe it is fair game to comment. Especially when she knows that I am doing my best to conform myself to Church teaching, and she has discussed matters of faith with me before.

What would be the best way to express an orthodox view on the subject? I honestly have no idea what to say without offending her, but also feel guilty about not saying anything either when directly confronted (yes, she has said this directly to my face).

Basically before I just ignored it and didn’t express any disagreement or agreement either way. I felt bad about doing this.

Should I still just keep quiet if she mentions the subject again?

As I said, she has discussed the subject to me and others before and even has expressed disdain for the orthodox point of view. I believe she stated something along the lines of, "people say I’m selfish for not wanting to have kids, but I think their motivation for having kids is selfish because they want someone to love them forever, " was the basic gyst of it.

I don’t plan on bringing it up,
but if she says something negative to me about the orthodox view on the subject then I don’t believe I should keep silent… or should I?

 

[OraLabora]

How about, next time she brings it up, ask her how she reconciles her attitude with church teaching? I think it would be too nosy for you to bring it up yourself now. But if she brings it up, I think you have a duty to point it out to her tactfully and kindly.

No she doesn’t have a duty. The reasons on whether or not to have children are deeply personal, and are between herself, her spouse, God, and her confessor. Her reasons may be legitimate, say for health reasons (for example I know a woman with a heart condition that was advised against having children), or she may be covering for a spouse who doesn’t want children. Whatever the reasons they are personal unless she volunteers them.

One should, in charity, assume the best motives for the person.

 

[twopekinguys]

Something I think you may be overlooking here is this:

Just because she doesn’t “want” children, doesn’t mean she is actively doing anything to prevent having any.

As long as they are following Church teachings about artificial birth control, they are still leaving open the possibility of having children. Whether they “want” them or not.

That is where your concern should end.

 

[Neil_Anthony]

No she doesn’t have a duty. The reasons on whether or not to have children are deeply personal, and are between herself, her spouse, God, and her confessor. Her reasons may be legitimate, say for health reasons (for example I know a woman with a heart condition that was advised against having children), or she may be covering for a spouse who doesn’t want children. Whatever the reasons they are personal unless she volunteers them.

One should, in charity, assume the best motives for the person.

Reproving the sinner is one of the spiritual works of mercy. It may be important to clarify the issue to avoid scandalizing other catholics who look up to this person and overhear and misunderstand her comments.

Anyway, to the OP, I would try to bring it up casually next time she broaches the subject. I would ask in sincere curiosity if she found there was a conflict between that and her Catholic faith, and listen to the answer and go from there. OTOH… I’m not very good at being tactful take my advice with a grain of salt

 

[FromTheAshes777]

Something I think you may be overlooking here is this:

Just because she doesn’t “want” children, doesn’t mean she is actively doing anything to prevent having any.

As long as they are following Church teachings about artificial birth control, they are still leaving open the possibility of having children. Whether they “want” them or not.

That is where your concern should end.

hmm, true true, thanks twopekingguys for that insight, I hadn’t thought of that

i’m sorry if I came off as a nosy creep in this post, I guess I just have trouble sometimes balancing being charitable and standing up for truth. I have a tendency to get a little overzealous, which is something I know I need to work on, Lord willing.

 

[SonCatcher]

Perhaps her stated reason is not the core reason for her not wanting children. Infertility can cause some to not want children who may be uncomfortable sharing that fact.

We should pray for this woman and her husband as unwillingness to accept children is actually an impediment to marriage.

 

[FromTheAshes777]

Perhaps her stated reason is not the core reason for her not wanting children. Infertility can cause some to not want children who may be uncomfortable sharing that fact.

We should pray for this woman and her husband as unwillingness to accept children is actually an impediment to marriage.

another good point, I agree.

 

[rwoehmke]

And would you wish to be the child of this person? In the long run, it is not you problem. She has a confessor and apparently is a practicing Catholic.