Married by a Minister - Does GOD HIMSELF recognize this marriage?

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preciousangel

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We are both Catholic but because I am from the UK and came to live in the States - for visa reasons we had a short period of time of my arriving here to get married - so we had to have a quick wedding which was performed by a Minister - still a man of God. My hubby still needs to be confirmed and until that is done we have to wait to be properly married by a Catholic priest.

My question is - with the Minister still being a holy man/man of God - so to speak - in God’s own eyes - do you think He recognizes our marriage and our reasons? Oh…we also have a 1 year old daughter - so would we be classed as committing a sin by creating such a perfect Angel even though we are not married yet in the Catholic Church?
 
As Catholics you are both bound by Canon Law, which you did not follow. I would recommend discussing the entire situation with a priest.
 
While your daughter is a blessing, as is any child, you didn’t “get” her as some sort of reward for good behavior, or as a “sign” that God approved of your having someone other than a priest perform your marriage.

I heartily recommend that you discuss your situation with a good solid Catholic priest, and LISTEN. The way you pose the question here, unfortunately it can come across in a way that puts posters who respond to you in an unfair position of appearing to judge you, and then making YOU have to judge THEM for judging you, etc. etc. . . .a spiral of blame and hurt that should be stopped now before it starts.

I will pray to the Holy Family for your family. Heaven knows I’m no perfect Pollyanna, and if the Saviour was kind enough to die on the cross to forgive MY sins, He certainly isn’t going to boggle at dying for YOURS. I humbly repeat with Him the words he spoke to the woman caught in adultery: “Has no one condemned you? Neither do I condemn you. Go and SIN NO MORE”.

God bless.

P.S. Unless the bishop where you live has confirmation of a bride or groom as a requirement for marriage (and for the life of me I cannot seem to find a U.S. diocese which DOES, though they ENCOURAGE confirmation they do NOT require it) . . .with a one year old daughter, I’m surprised that you haven’t yet been married by a priest, leaving the confirmation of your husband for afterwards. May you be blessed.
 
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preciousangel:
We . My hubby still needs to be confirmed and until that is done we have to wait to be properly married by a Catholic priest.

My?
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Please speak to your pastor right away about your situation and get the pastoral guidance you need. for one thing, your husband cannot get confirmed until the marriage is convalidated, because objectively he is not in a state of grace, which of course is necessary before receiving the sacraments. I am obviously in no position to make a subjective judgement, or to offer the pastoral guidance you would get in confession, so I urge you to see your priest without delay.

The convalidation process is relatively simply, assuming neither of you has been married before and there are no other impediments. You can taking confirmation classes, as well as the marriage preparation meetings in the meantime, and he can be confirmed at the next scheduled date in your diocese once the marriage is taken care of. It is probably simpler than you realize, and a conference with your pastor will answer a lot of questions and relieve your anxieties.
 
Tantum ergo:
. .with a one year old daughter, I’m surprised that you haven’t yet been married by a priest, leaving the confirmation of your husband for afterwards. May you be blessed.
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Thank you for your reply.

I fell pregnant shortly after we got married…then my husband got deployed for 14 months (US Army) and is now home which has unfortunately delayed his attending classes for his confirmation. We’ve been told that he does need to be confirmed for us to be married…he is looking at another deployment and thus we are trying to get this done before he goes anywere. I’m very anxious to get properly married by a Catholic priest.

Oh and just for the record - we truly don’t see our daughter as some sort of ‘reward’ - I don’t know why God gave me such a beautiful little creature to love and spend my life with…but I sure thank him every day!
 
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preciousangel:
Oh…we also have a 1 year old daughter - so would we be classed as committing a sin by creating such a perfect Angel even though we are not married yet in the Catholic Church?
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I am quite sure she is an angel, but to be precise, you did not create her, God did, although you helped in the natural way. God gives His gifts lavishly and freely, when and to whom He wills, and can even surprise us when objectively we have done something we know we shouldn’t. Certainly the existence of your little darling is not a sin, whatever the circumstances surrounding her presence here with us might be. Again, as I say, get pastoral counselling and guidance and be prepared for all the many graces which will flow to your young family when you partake in the sacramental life of the Church.
 
preciousangel,
I know when I got married our pastor needed my confirmation certificate so yes I do believe it is a requirement. Since you husband is military and about to be deployed, he will need to check with his military chaplain and see if he plans on offering RCIA during his deployment. There are several posters in this forum that are deployed and going to RCIA during their deployment. My cousin is a priest that is deployed at the moment and I know he does RCIA for his troops. Since you are both Catholic and you were not married by a priest, you will need to have your marriage convalidated. During this time, before your marriage is blest in the church, you will most likely be asked or informed that you should live as brother and sister during this time, until your marriage is blest. I strongly urge you both to look into getting your husband confirmed and convalidating your marriage.
 
I will join in in all the prayers for your family. God bless you!!
I have a question, (which I can ask Fr. Vincent or one of the Apologist if anyone here doesn’t know, just wondered this when reading through here.)
Can they go to confession before they have their Marriage blessed (Convalidated) in the Catholic Church? :confused: Or would they have to have the Married Convalidated first and then go?
 
allhers,

(disclaimer: I am not passing judgement of any kind on the OP, just answering the question above).

For a confession to be valid, we must have a firm resolution to amend our life and not commit that sin again. In the case the OP presented, she and her husband are not married in the Church, but are engaging in sexual relations reserved for a husband and wife only. So in essence they are fornicating. If she and her husband went to confession, confessed fornication, and then absolved to abstain from then until they have their marriage convalidated, it would be a valid confession. Then her husband could be confirmed and they could have their marriage convalidated and enjoy their real wedding night!

To the OP,

I will be praying for you! I hope your situation is resolved quickly and you are able to enjoy a truly Catholic marriage. You might wish to explain the situation regarding your husband’s deployment to your pastor, he may be able to give your husband the material he needs to study and he can prepare while he is gone. Or have your husband contact his chaplain, there maybe an Army priest nearby your husband’s deployment who can instruct him. Just some ideas!
 
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allhers:
I Can they go to confession before they have their Marriage blessed (Convalidated) in the Catholic Church? :confused: Or would they have to have the Married Convalidated first and then go?
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the first go to their pastor together and explain their situation and get his guidance. They then follow his advice. Of course they may go to confession, which should be full and honest and complete, and follow the counsel they get in the confessional. They should ask the pastor to explain fully and completely there status with regard to the sacraments, and let him, not us, tell them to refrain from marital relations so that they may receive communion, and to have the marriage convalidated without unecessary delay. And by the way to have the baby baptized, which can be done now. However confirmation cannot be received by someone who is in a state of mortal sin, but it is the priest in confession who makes that determination. He can certainly received confirmation preparation (not RCIA, he is already Catholic) while he is deployed if there is a Catholic chaplain. If for some reason an individual was confirmed while not in a state of grace, the sacrament would still be valid, but its effects would not be available to the person until he made a full and complete confession, repentence and penance, at which time the full sacramental graces would “kick in”.

with regard to confirmation being required to marry in the Church, it is not an absolute requirement, but the pastor is justified in assuming that an adult who has not been confirmed has not fully committed to his Catholic faith, and needs to show evidence of that commitment in order to be fully able to consent to the vows and demands of marriage in full maturity.
 
The Church wouldn’t marry my father and my stepmother, both confirmed Catholics with no previous marriages because I am an illegitimate child. As far as I know Vatican II allowed the marriage of a Catholic and non-Catholic by a protestant minister. So like the others’ responses, you should talk to a Church official. However, if you get an answer from one Priest you don’t approve of go to another. Some Priests are more liberal or conservative than others. It can be difficult to get a straight answer from some of them.
 
Constantine,
The Church wouldn’t marry my father and my stepmother, both confirmed Catholics with no previous marriages because I am an illegitimate child.
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This sounds odd to me. Legitimacy is not a Church issue, but a legal issue. The Church has no stance regarding children born out of wedlock; children are always seen as a blessing. It would be the fornication of the parents that would be an issue.

I would not be surprised if there were a second issue that actually caused the priest not to want to marry your father and stepmother. Not that I know that the priest was right or wrong either way. I wasn’t there to know the whole story.
As far as I know Vatican II allowed the marriage of a Catholic and non-Catholic by a protestant minister.
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The Church allows the marriage of a Catholic to a non-Catholic with a dispensation from the bishop of the Catholic party’s diocese. The couple may marry in a non-Catholic church if they obtain a second dispensation from the bishop to do so.
So like the others’ responses, you should talk to a Church official. However, if you get an answer from one Priest you don’t approve of go to another. Some Priests are more liberal or conservative than others. It can be difficult to get a straight answer from some of them.
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While it is excellent to advise the OP to speak to her priest, the Catholic Church is not a buffet line where we can pick and choose what we want to hear or do. The OP is best served by going to her pastor and doing whatever he tells her to do. By studying and learning about the Catholic faith, if she should determine that the priest misinformed her, she can then seek the advice of a second priest.
 
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Constantine312:
The Church wouldn’t marry my father and my stepmother, both confirmed Catholics with no previous marriages because I am an illegitimate child. As far as I know Vatican II allowed the marriage of a Catholic and non-Catholic by a protestant minister. QUOTE]

if that is what your father told you, either he is mistaken or he talked to someone other than his parish priest who gave him the wrong information. They may have been advised to delay their marriage, if they were expecting at the time, because marrying where out-of-wedlock pregnancy is the only reason invalidates consent. If they received that it advice it is more likely than for that reason or other reasons the priest judged they were not at that time in a position to give free, full consent without force or pressure.

Vatican II has nothing to do with it, but the revision of Canon law that followed Vatican II allows a Catholic and non-Catholic to marry in the presence of a protestant minister only in extraordinary circumstances, and only after obtaining a dispensation to do so, and only if there are no other bars to a valid marriage. My sisters was married, with a dispensation, by the Baptist minister who was her husband’s father. However, she left the Church and they go to a Baptist church, but seldom. This is the very reason why the practice is frowned upon.
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I think two people can be married by bringing God into their marriage, Catholic, non Catholic etc.God may bless their marriage.We don’t know.God can do anything. The rules of the Catholic Church are put in place to give us guidelines to help us stay in God’s good grace.I do believe that you would feel more confident of your marriage if you had it blessed in the Catholic Church. Do not stress over this for God wants this too and in his good time he will guide you to him.It took me 17 years to have my marriage blessed in the church. I always felt married but after we had our marriage blessed I felt relief that I was not outside the religion that I love anymore.
 
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