Married Non-Catholic / Coming Back

[LittleNurse]

Hello!

I am a Catholic who married outside the Church. When I was dating my husband, I was having a hard time to convince him of the Catholic church. He is a Christian and was raised protestant, but had some gut-wrenching awful experiences in churches. Therefore, I didn’t really press him on the issue. But, then we got engaged and married very quickly (started dating in August … engaged in September/October … married end of December) and he brought up some conversations that made me doubt my faith. For example, at the time I was deathly afraid of ever having children and I didn’t understand the Church’s stance on birth control/NFP. At the time, I didn’t fully understand NFP and saw it as the ineffective rhythm method and I didn’t know what was wrong with birth control. For someone who was so seriously afraid of having children, I didn’t want to risk getting pregnant by using an ineffective method (now, I have done tons of research on how damaging birth control (especially hormonal birth control) can be and how effective NFP can be; we are now using NFP and are so much happier! Also, I’ve dealt with some of the issues that made me so afraid of having a family, and we are looking forward to having children someday ]

And so, we were married outside of the Catholic church in a protestant church (non-denominational) by a protestant minister. There is a lot more to the story than that, but for the sake of simplicity that is the summary of it!

Fast forward, and years after struggling with the decision and beating myself up over it and having heaps of regret … after attending mass off and on and then steadily for the past few months, I know I want and need to return to the Church!

My husband has given me his full support because he sees how important it is to me and how happy it makes me to be able to go to mass every week. He attends weekly mass with me as well (we don’t participate in the eucharist). He says that he isn’t ready to become Catholic yet, but he will continue to come with me to mass and is willing to raise future children as Catholic. Basically, he just wants time and the freedom to make the decision on his own to join the Church or not.

I know I want to come back to the Church, but I also want our marriage to be viewed as valid in the Churches eyes. I am so afraid to talk to the priest! Mostly, I am just embarrassed by how foolish I’ve been and how stupid I must seem. And, I hope he can understand what my husband has been through and respect that we just need to give him time to make the decision on his own.

Does anyone know what the Church will require of us? Of me to re-join the church?

I am so stressed out about this and so nervous! Has anyone been in a similar situation before? What happened?

 

[PaulfromIowa]

There is nothing to be nervous or anxious about. Many, many people return to the Church after having been away. If neither you nor your husband have previous marriages, it should be a relatively simple matter to have your marriage convalidated (blessed) by the Church. Your husband does not have to become Catholic. Talk to a priest about this. He should welcome you back like the Prodigal Son (daughter.)

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Welcome back!

I have not been in this situation, but over the years have experienced regret over various things and had to face my own feelings of embarrassment, as well as bringing it up in confession. Life can be messy, right? We’ve all been there.

Basically, there is nothing to fear. The priest has probably heard it all before and he will know what to do. He will be so happy that you have decided to come back and will want to help you.

If you and your husband have not been married before this will be a simple thing. Your husband doesn’t have to convert.

Best of luck!

 

[Dorothy]

“Little Nurse”,

This is just a suggestion that may or may not appeal to you:

Print out your original post and have the priest read it at your appointment. Or, if you can verbally express the same thing, just do so.

Obviously the Lord is calling you back home, and your husband is showing an interest.

Ask our Blessed Mother to intercede for you!

Jesus, Our Lord says: “Be not afraid” !

 

[phil19034]

This happened to me.

I went to confession and first spoke to a priest behind the screen (I cried).

The priest was very kind and suggested I speak to a parish priest. Since I was confession g in my parish, I made a appointment to meet with him.

We spoke for an hour and spoke about the options, other issues, where I was spiritual life, etc. we spoke for about 1.5 hours, very good talk. Making that appointment was the best thing I ever did.

We spoke about how I could fix the situation.

You basically have two options:

1. have a convalidation, which would consist of you, your husband, a priest or Deacon, and two witnesses. You be reciting your vows in the Church.
2. if your husband is not up for a convalidation, you could apply for a Radical Sanation (which is what I did). A Radical Sanation is basically requesting a dispensation from the Bishop after the fact. If granted, the Radical Sanation retroactively recognizes your marriage.

In both situations, your priest can help you.

NOTE regarding Radical Sanation:

1. priests rarely do this, so your priest or Deacon might not know what procedures they will have to do. You might have to help him. Typically, they are not on the normal marriage paperwork, so the priest might have to ask the diocese for the application.
2. the Bishops will typically only grant one after you have tried (without damaging your relationship with your spouse) to receive a convalidation.

If you have any questions, please feel free to PM me or reply to the thread.