Marrying a protestant..

[bunnynessuk]

My fiancee is a protestant although he has expressed a desire to become a catholic for me before we get married. We have been together since we were 16 and we are very much in Love. When we met I was not terribly into my religion and I had been a very rebelious teenager (sexually) although I was my h2bs first he was not mine. Since re-joining the church I have taken to living chastly although we do share a house at university. My partner is finding chaste living to be difficult as he doesn’t understand why this is important. I have shown him ‘pureloveclub’ but he insists that as we are to be married anyway it doesn’t make a difference.

I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions?

Thanks

Jay

 

[Della]

If you are serious about maintaining your virtue until married, move out into your own accommodations.

And don’t get married unless and until your “partner” is a Catholic who understands and agrees that having sex before marriage is damaging to you both, besides being a grave sin.

 

[bunnynessuk]

Moving out is unfortunatley not an option, I live to far away to stay at home and I cannot afford - nor can i legally (lease) move else where.

He will become a catholic he has already started lessons with our priest.

Its just the sex he doesn’t understand!

 

[Della]

Moving out is unfortunatley not an option, I live to far away to stay at home and I cannot afford - nor can i legally (lease) move else where.

If you can’t afford to move then maybe he could move out and you both could get roommates–of the same sex?

He will become a catholic he has already started lessons with our priest.

Its just the sex he doesn’t understand!

It’s good he’s started lessons with your priest, but does your priest know that you are living together under the same roof and how your fiance feels about having sex before marriage? I think your fiance had better bring that up with your priest, and soon, don’t you?

 

[bunnynessuk]

Our priest knows that we live together, he understands the situation, we share a house with two other lads - I am the only girl (these are all my friends from college).

 

[Della]

Our priest knows that we live together, he understands the situation, we share a house with two other lads - I am the only girl (these are all my friends from college).

Well then, stick to what you know is right and don’t have sex just to please your fiance. If he can’t respect you, and what you know is right, now, what kind of a husband will he be later? I’m sure your priest would agree with me.

 

[LittleRose]

…he has expressed a desire to become a catholic for me before we get married. …

Is he becoming a Catholic because he really believes that the Catholic Church is the one true church? Or is he just doing it to please you? If the latter is the case, it would be better if he didn’t “convert” at all, since a real conversion is one of the heart, and not in name only. If he converts only to please you, it means he doesn’t really believe in Catholicism, which can still create unnecessary friction in your marriage later, especially when you have children.

And you need to be on the same page about the relationship between sex and marriage before you get married. Postpone the wedding if you have to.

 

[Philothea_2.0]

Um, protestants believe in chastity, too. Sounds more like you’re engaged to an unbeliever, especially the part about wanting to “convert for you.” People with core religious beliefs don’t change them just to make others happy.

Frankly, it sounds like he’s a product of society – a culturally “Christian” agnostic whose true god is self-gratification. You will never be happy with such a person unless you are just like him and you’re both “getting yours.” But as a faithful Catholic, your marriage to a nominal agnostic Christian will be more of a cross to bear than a blessing. (Of course, since he is converting and the marriage will be Sacramental, God can give you both grace to make things better, but he has to be willing to cooperate with that grace, and since he’s fighting it already, it’s hard to be optimistic. All things are possible with God, but not necessarily LIKELY, kwim?)

Take your time. Move out if you can, stay chaste, and let the Priest work on your fiance. Be a good example for him, live your faith, and don’t rush the wedding just yet – anyone who can’t keep chaste for a short, finite period before marriage might not be very good about it after marriage, either, should the opportunity for lust present itself. I wish you the best of luck and will say a prayer for you both. I just urge you to go slow until you have a better idea of what kind of believer you’re marrying.

 

[StephanieC]

The reason he is finding it hard to be chaste is because (I am assuming) he is a normal, healthy male sharing living quarters with a healthy female he desires!

Think of it this way: the time of your engagement should be one of the most sexually charged ones of your life together–you should desire each other so much that it propels you down the aisle! That’s what makes a honeymoon great.

You have effectively set up a situation where you both are forced to pretend. You desire each other–but you want to be chaste–but you’re living together–so you have to squelch those feelings all the time, because you never get “down time” away from each other, and you are without a chaperone, I assume.

Sharing living quarters, sharing the fun, the ho-hum and the frustrating parts of day to day living is a perk of marriage. You are experiencing the perks without the commitment, without the Sacrament, and without the sacramental grace that makes it all last.

 

[lotusblossom]

I would suggest Christopher West’s book The Good News about Sex and Marriage for him to read. Also, his Naked without Shame - Theology of the Body Explained series (on CD) would be really good for you both to listen to together and then discuss. It goes so deep that I think he could use a basic understanding of the human person and why God created us the way we are to fully grasp why chastity before marriage, even with the attitude and actions of entering into marriage are present. Hope this helps!

 

[ALLFORHIM]

Hi,
I would go to the bible and show Him what God says.
Go to 1 corinthians 6:14 all of chapter 7—2 Corinthiams 12:21
Galatians 5:19— Ephesians 5:1-5-----Colossianns 3: 5—1 Thessolonians 4:1-8—Hebrews 13:4–This one is a little heavy but nonetheless what God thinks about sexual immorality Revelations 21:8.

There are more but hopefully that is enough.

 

[E.E.N.S]

Um, protestants believe in chastity, too. Sounds more like you’re engaged to an unbeliever, especially the part about wanting to “convert for you.” People with core religious beliefs don’t change them just to make others happy.

Frankly, it sounds like he’s a product of society – a culturally “Christian” agnostic whose true god is self-gratification. You will never be happy with such a person unless you are just like him and you’re both “getting yours.” But as a faithful Catholic, your marriage to a nominal agnostic Christian will be more of a cross to bear than a blessing. (Of course, since he is converting and the marriage will be Sacramental, God can give you both grace to make things better, but he has to be willing to cooperate with that grace, and since he’s fighting it already, it’s hard to be optimistic. All things are possible with God, but not necessarily LIKELY, kwim?)

Take your time. Move out if you can, stay chaste, and let the Priest work on your fiance. Be a good example for him, live your faith, and don’t rush the wedding just yet – anyone who can’t keep chaste for a short, finite period before marriage might not be very good about it after marriage, either, should the opportunity for lust present itself. I wish you the best of luck and will say a prayer for you both. I just urge you to go slow until you have a better idea of what kind of believer you’re marrying.

Good post - you typed what I was thinking.

 

[queen_anne78]

Look into any convents in your area. Call and explain that you are a Catholic girl who is currently living with her fiance, and ask if they either know of a family you could rent a room from cheaply, or if they would allow you to stay with them for the rest of your engagement.

Sounds strange or extreme maybe, but your virtue is worth it. I’ve heard of girls doing this before, and I think that being in separate housing is KEY in your engagement period.

 

[starling]

Well look at it this way, you are setting setting yourselves up for failure by living together. That’s like trying to avoid masturbation while deliberately watching porn movies every night. If you are the observant Catholic, your boyfriend can wait and he should have enough respect for you to do that – and he doesn’t even have to convert.